Monday, September 10, 2007

Mentoring vs Governing Body - my views

So everyone, well almost everyone, is talking about this Governing Body thingy that some peeps want to start up here. i am guessing to they can deal with peoples problems in our lil lifestyle, in the hopes to maybe work them out between the parties. lol. Some of it is rather funny, some disturbing, and some i am just shaking my head at... this is their posts of course on a site that people belong to.

Sadly this is on the heals of many people bickering and fighting over a few things. Someone misunderstanding one thing, another going off the wall when they shouldn't have, and another taking something way toooooo far.... oh ya, someone posting something in their blog to which is very tacky and shouldn't be. pffft. Dear dear.

Well here is the post that i posted to the thread of this whole subject. i thought i would share it here, in the hopes that maybe someone else might have a thought or two.


This is going to be a lil bit of a long post, so please "bare" with me. Sorry for those who like the short and sweet ones, but it is worth it.

As i have said for severals years, and numerous times (too many to count) that Mentors used to be the fact of the kink lifestyle. When you were entering or starting out, you had a mentor of some kind. Doms had Their mentors to lead and teach Them not only how Top, but how to treat Their property properly in a SSC manner. And the sub/slaves usually had a sis or bro to show them the robes, and sometimes the rules of not only what is expected of them but what can and shouldn't happen to them. In most circles this was called Old Guard, in others the Old Way.. there are many names to it, but it generally has the same meaning to it: W/we all help and teach each other on O/our lil lifestyle. Not only does this give U/us the tools and knowledge that is needed to safely treck through the waters without harm or harming, but it also gives U/us the respect to ourselves and others that is needed within.
This is how i was real time trained and mentored so many years ago ( 20 some odd, no i am not stating the real years... as this is ). There weren't governing bodies per-say, but there were people around to help out when one had questions that needed answering - or worse if one was in trouble. In the older times, there were even stronger families and compounds of groups that kept to themselves and within what we are trying to call a "community" today. And yes, they dealt with problems as they surfaced. There may have been votes, or a whole discussion on the matter, but it was dealt with. But by no means were the peoples problems put out in the open for all to see, and dealt with by people that may not have good intentions.

i believe in mentoring to the fullest. i have for years, and still do to some extend when i am called apon... and always will. i think more people who have been in this wonderful lifestyle for many years, with great experience, should do this. This gives people the tools to move forward in a safe and friendly manner that we all can deal with, and hopefully harm free. And i do agree with a Welcome Wagon idea as well, as there are always new people coming to town and wanting to meet with us... not just the newbies out there. W/we have to remember that as well.

But i tend to disagree with a governing body idea. There are many reasons at to why it will not work, and most people know why. But for the most part, it will be too one-sided. And for the bottoms part, they truly don't have that fighting say in it. As well, you will never get anyone to fully agree on whom will govern their problems. Who do you want to air you problems to, and do you trust them with this knowledge to deal with it in a proper way that best suites your interest.... not just theirs or say, if the other party is thier friends.
We are all supposed to be adults here. Or at least i thought so, and shouldn't we all be held accountable for our own actions in the way we carry ourselves. If we need a governing body to tell us what to do, or even decide how we deal with our problems in this lifestyle.... how do we deal with ourselves outside of this lifestyle in our regular day to day lives. Do we have a governing body in our nilla lives? Yes in a way we do, if we commit a crime we do.... court. But then if we commit a crime here, we can be charged just the same. It is how you deal with it, and you can.
But if i were to go to any one body with my problems with someone in this lifestyle, it would probably be a senior DM. Generally they are the ones that may have a say in what happends at the Play Parties, and who can attend.... no? We can not be governed on alt, this is an open forum for anyone to be in. It is sad what happens in here some times, the bickering and backstabbing. But it is not only the ones that actually go out to the public play parties that are in the middle of it either. So are we going to try to govern the ones that aren't "out" in public? We truly have no say over any one person, really. Not unless we own them, or can actually charge them with something in real life.
i think we have to learn to govern ourselves first. Then worry about others around us, and help them on their paths to perfectly perviness. And if we can help others, then we are doing the right thing.... not hurting others, or worrying if they are out with so-and-so, or if they are doing this to whom and said that. And if you truly do have a problem..... take it up with someone close to you that you trust, not in the public eye for all the dirty laundry to be aired. Then take it to someone who can actually help, like a Senior DM like figure in this Greater Vancouver Community (or one in your local area). And if all else fails..... get counseling, and or if it is that bad - think about pressing charges. No more of this poo that is happening as it is, and people wondering what is going on. When truly it is non of their business. Keep it to yourselves, and in your own private worlds of chat.... not for all to read and deal with.
We all have our faults, and we all make mistakes, it is how we deal with it that makes us who we are. No one is perfect in other words, but we can strive to be better people and show others how to carry one's self.
And yes, let's welcome everyone to our lil pervy world.... no matter who they are and what they look like.... or what their kinks are. And welcome them with open arms, and without prejudice. And with that, in the hopes, we will not need to have a governing body to deal with problems.... just a giant welcome wagon party!!!!!

just my 50cents
lil d

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