Lil d's Perfectly Pervy Precepts

Strange Dreams During Mooning.

2011-05-21T10:28:00.002-07:00

I have so many things I want to post before this... but can't get this out of my mind this morning.
I don't know about any other womyn out there have this same issue.... but... When I start moonin, I sometimes have the strangest dreams. All good, but different.
Not sure what it all has to do with. It could be the extras hormones added in the mix, or maybe just because I am super horney right before and during the first day or so. But I've had some doosies, and well quite franky really goooood ones. And last night was no acception, and maybe further into this weekend or week cumming, I might actually post it. Will have to wait and see.

And as per a previous post a wee back.... Sex while mentruating..... I did some more research on this and the health benifits.... and will post that in the next few days as well.

OMG.... I can't believe why I wake up like this during the full moon serious. Some day I might have a hold on it, but for now.... go with the flow.

2011-05-10T16:59:00.001-07:00

i'm not perfect... i just try.

2011-05-03T21:37:00.000-07:00

Munchin in Salem

2011-05-03T21:35:00.001-07:00

Had a most delish time at the Salem Munch last night. It was so wonderful to see everyone again, and a few new. Great food at new venue, and wonderful lil back spot they have. I truly enjoyed the evenings hat topics, including the one on male genitalia torture..... went from simple to rat traps.... now that is a great idea!! Dont ya think. muahahahaha.

Now the rest of the week goes on.......
Next week I can't wait.

Lil D

~ A Hard Afternoon Delight ~

2011-05-01T09:00:00.005-07:00

Took place: Spring of 2011

~ A Hard Afternoon Delight ~

He told me He was going to make me cum hard and lots today........

i had just jumped out of the tub. Still in my robe, and just chatting with Sir about to go get dressed. "Why?" He said. "Don't get dressed, I'm going to make you cum hard today. Go get your toys while I finish up here, I won't be long." Off i went skipping to the thought of cumming for Sir; getting wetter by the minute as i set-up, not that i wasn't extremely wet already. Shortly after.... me waiting patiently as per.

When He was done with what He was doing... He told me to play with my pussy. i love being able to play with myself, especially when Sir watches. As He sits there in His chair guiding me along my way, all i can think is how wet i already was and He should feel this. Wishing He would.

i slide my fingers over my lips wetting them. Then i start to rub my clit nice and slow, feeling the warmth slowly build in me.

"That's right baby, just like that."

Moving slightly faster, now spreading my lips with my other hand. i draw my hand up to my mouth, licking and sucking my juices off each finger.

"Does that taste good baby?"

"Yes it does Does Sir, very much." Moving my hand back down and re-wetting my fingers.... Thrusting one finger then two, first slowly then faster.

"Yes, fuck that pussy for me!"

As i feel myself rocking on this pleasure, seeing Sir watch me, starting to warm me and get me more arroused by the second.

"That's right, keep fucking that pussy."

All i can feel is the orgasm starting to rise in me, but knowing to wait.

"Grab one of your toys hun."

i reach over and grab my glass dildo, the one with the blue swirled ridges on it. First i lick it, then suck it. Swirling my tongue around it, just as i would Sir's cock.

"That's it, suck My cock baby. Show Me how you suck My cock."

Stuffing it all the way down my throat and out again, i then ask "how deep do You want me to go?"

"To my balls baby, take it deep."

Glancing over i see Sir stroking His cock and balls, turning me on even more. So i keep taking the dildo down deep into my throat several times, wishing at that moment it was Sir's cock down my throat..... i take the dildo and slowly rub it over my pussy, getting it nice and wet. Feeling the head at my entrance i push it all the way, shudders coming over me. Pumping my pussy with my left hand, stroking my clit with my right.... this is bliss.

"Does that feel good?"

"Oh yes Sir!"

"Pump it faster, and don't stop."

i start to pump my cunt faster, feeling the orgasm getting closer... yet i can not ask, as Sir stepped out for a minute. OMG, i had to stop. my legs were shaking, my body vibrating, if i don't stop i will cumm. Please come back Sir, as i turn and lay on my side not moving and not taking the dildo out. Resting with my thoughts and desires, all this not helping. Finally i hear Sir come back and sit down, i roll over seeing Him... i start to pump and play with myself again. Feeling the rush come back to me, and certain to burst.

"Cum for me baby, cum for Daddy."

That's all it took, those few words and the waves took over.

"That's it cum for me."

The heat the waves, rocking me, feeling oh so good. i turn on to my side riding out the orgasm, shuddering.

"No no, spread your legs hun."

As i roll over onto my back, spreading my legs again for Him, i see a wicked smile on His face. Nummy!

"Did that feel good?"

"Yes Sir it did, very nummy."

"Good, now stroke your cunt for me. take the dildo all the way out to the tip, slowly push it back in. That;s right, just like that."

i can feel my pussy throbbing, my clit is nice and swollen as i push and pull my dildo in and out.. cum dripping down my ass.

"Now thrust it really hard into your cunt."

As i do i moan from the pleasure, imagining His cock thrusting in me, fucking me hard.

"Nice and hard, and faster. Yes, feel good baby?
"Oh my yes Sir, very good." i can hear His moans, knowing He is going to cum soon, feeling myself reach the edge one more time.

"Lift your knees up to your chest, I want to see your ass. Wouldn't you like me to fuck your ass while your fuck yourself with your toy?"

"Omg yes Sir, please....?" Knowing full well that He wasn't going to lay a hand on me then, but my thoughts getting the better of me almost pushing me over the edge. Thoughts of His hands on my body, His lips and tongue caressing me, His cock thrusting deep into me. Pumping myself, feeling the heat waves coming on.

"Oh yes I'm going to fuck you, fuck you hard.......oh gawd ya."

i can hear the strain in His voice as He;s about to cum, and i start to vibrate. i love hearing Sir cum, and here i am again before Him about to cum for Him as well. "OMG Sir, please may i....." Barely getting even those words out as i can hear Him cumming.

"Yes baby, cum for Daddy. Cum now, that's it."

The waves of shudders, the heat the throbbing, flooding me. i came and came hard. Rolling over pulling my knees up into my chest, unable to stop. i hear Sir as He is cumming, and how it makes Him feel.

"Mhm, that's my good girl."

i haven't cum that hard and good in a long time, and oh did it feel great. i love cumming for Sir, i love how it pleases Him.

As i roll onto my stomache just riding out this wonderful feeling.....

"Did that feel good hun?"

"Oh yes Sir, very much so...... errotocomatoselucidity."

He laughs that satisfied laugh, knowing He's grinning.... Mhm.

He made me cum hard alright.

lil d

Sex and Menstruation (The Moon)

2011-04-30T18:00:00.001-07:00

Sex And Menstruation (the Moon)

A couple weeks ago I was listening to one of my favorite radio programs and getting some great thoughts out of it. During the week, for a couple hours each night, a famous rocker hosts a show with 2 other people. And on this program they always have 3 topics that they discuss throughout, and no subject is too risque.

On this particular night N.S. (the rock star) was listing off the night's topics one being sex while on your period. During this chat N.S. states that if a woman is not willing to have sex with him while she is menstruating, he wants nothing to do with her. She is out of there. I like that thought, as it's only a natural thing in life.

So this got me thinking. My life, as well as others, and sex while "mooning." For me it hasn't been such a big deal, nor deal breaker for that matter. It's not a 1st date action for me, goes with anal sex, save it for a 4th date or later. But not a huge problem. To some people they won't even touch the subject, let alone actually do this. I think if you have barriers, fuck in the shower maybe, use a towel.... what's the big deal. It's just a lil blood, which can happen from getting fucked to hard or torn, not much difference. But there are those out there, men and womyn, that get rather grossed out by it.

Personally I have taken care of the grossness of it. As a slave, I was taught and trained to be accessible at all times, including while mooning. So many years ago I discovered this lil thing called a "Latex Free Make-up Pad," and what a wonder it has been. Not only does it replace tampons, it works great for sex as well. Yes folks, you can fuck while this is in the woman, and not worry about the blood.

For me this worked great for many reasons. First off tampons irritated the hell out of me and my phoopher, so with this no dryness nor particles left behind. No chemicals that have treated it, as it hasn't been bleached like a tampon. The thing lasts for hours as it absorbs so much, and after a quick rinse back in it goes (for those womyn out there that think they can't take something out of their pussy and rinse it, get to know your bodies better..... trust me this is nothing, and worth knowing what you feel like inside). You go through less, as you only need a new one at least once a day.... $$ saved. And well, I can get fucked with it in with next to no discomfort for either party. I've been told that "They" barely feel it when they are fucking me, just makes my cunt a lil less deep.

So in the end there really shouldn't be a problem right......? Not only am I accessible at all times without worrying of disposing of a tampon prior to sex, I've found a safer alternative to the tampon. Womyn are at their height of arousal while moonin, take advantage of it.

Have sex while menstruating people!!! It's natural, and just plain wonderful and nummy!!!

Lil D

And life starts a new chapter.........

2011-04-18T22:09:00.000-07:00

I have gone through some serious life changes lately... some I care not to repeat, some I am soo happy that it makes me smile. I guess I would be starting a new chapter in my life, and hope this one never ends.

I met a couple of wonderful people in the last while. A woman that I can't wait to get my hands on and all over, and tongue too. she is just so bright and sexy, that I can't stop thinking about her and what all not only I can do to her but what we can do together. Oh yes I am taking her to the dark side, and to may other places she hasn't been before. I certainly hope that this one never ends, no matter where I end up in life.

I have also met someone else that has put thoughts in my head I didn't think were ever going to be there again. Thoughts of letting this person Dom me in all sorts of ways, Mastering me when I need it. I am never going to lose this Mistress in me, that is there now and is there to stay. But the thoughts of having this person not just Top me, but to actually take me and own me... that is something that has my juices running. And so refreshing, yes a wee scared, but refreshing in many ways.

When I was called pet for the first time by them several weeks ago..... it sent feelings through me that made me all warm and fuzzy inside. Yes I want to be their pet, I want to be their lil girl, I want to be what ever they tell this wench to be. And if they so chose to "punnish" me every day for no reason, plssss do. Spank me, make me your toy, tell me all the dirty things you want to do to me, make me do your whim and will, put your hands on me and reasure me of everything and making me feel safe. Take me to those places that I haven't been in so long, and let me know who you are. These are many of the thoughts going on through my head. But yet also letting me have my freedom, as this is who I am now and need to be. What is great about it all is that they embrace me for who I am, and what all I want to do... which includes still being me.... Mistress D.

There is a smile on my face now just thinking about it all. Something that has been hard to have there, and is great to know that just the thought of them makes me smile. Yes think so rather pervy thoughts, but knowing that they are in my life........... that is something to be said.

Now don't get me wrong in thinking that I haven't forgotten all those that are still in my life right now. There will always be something there with us, and I don't plan on tearing myself away from them. Nor will I forget them, and who they are to me as well. But for some moot, but wonderful reason, this new person has got my body wanting so much more right now. And I am very much letting it all in, and loving every minute of it.

To these 2 new wonderful people in my life... thank you ever so much.

BB

Lil D

Very short update

2011-04-08T01:27:00.000-07:00

So my hair is growing longer, and the rain hasn't conpletely stopped.... but I am still thinking perfectly pervy thoughts........ Have had some interesting conversations lately. Some cleaner than others, and well down right great no matter who they were with. I will leave out all the new sad stuff, as well since xmass there has been more loss and nothing I truly needed.
Life is lovin throwing me a curve or 6..... now if I could just get my curves under control and call this all kinky. Doing lots of writing, and hope to find not only solice but a wonderful outlook to paths in all this. And yes, still thinking of telling my sister that I'm queer and lovin it...... though after the loss after xmass, think I will leave that for a lil while longer.

If it's not raining tomorrow... into the garden, whishing I could go in short shorts here.... but not only is it not warm enough yet, but the eyes around here would not approve. lmao... oh could I shock them.

Going to go be me.....

ta for now

Stressed, Not Completely Broken

2010-12-22T22:30:00.000-08:00

I think this year is going to eventually come to an end. What a wild ride this past year and a half have been, and sadly a great portion not so wonderful. Though I can say I have met some most wonderful people in this whole process (and re-connected with others ~_~), and I can say I would not trade that part of this whole experience for anything. For me though who is usually a tough-as-nails bitch in most circumstances on the good days, hit my breaking point a couple weeks ago. I have been trudging through from May 5th till now, and I had my share of loss last year which included my bro. And of course for most of those who know me well, know that my mom passed 13 years ago. Suddenly after some interesting conversations with family down south here, and huge disappointments that went with that, the loss of what I consider the rest of me ( Both Dad and Grams) 4 months apart hit me like a 10 ton brick.

Funny how a person deals with grief really…. As everyone is different. I have been going back and forth getting all that needed to be done, well done. And yes, have had my share of cry sessions. Have even discussed with many people about keeping their life in order, no matter what it may look like (as you don’t want to leave a mess behind for anyone). I haven’t gone to many events, especially after gram’s passing. I have had a hard time being my cheery self, let alone project something other than mourning if someone asked how I was doing. It’s been hard; but as many who knew both me and dad, we were one in the same that way that and not wanting to let others know that is may not be all that great. Hence why his was such a surprise, not knowing that he was more ill than he was letting anyone know – including me. So as everyone keeps telling me this, and all sorts of other poo to go with it…. Not like I need to hear anymore….they are also putting me in a position that I don’t want to be in, and of course leaving me up to do everything for both dad and grams. There was to all this wonderful help out there from some of them, including helping getting to these lil towns that I need to get to in order to sign papers/collect belongings/plan a service or honoring. And that doesn’t include having to go into the house in the mountains in Washington that my 2nd cousin on grams side is now NOT taking me to, and dealing with both estates from what seems like another world with 60+ yr olds telling me that I should be getting all this help with everything….. but yet non step up in any form (not even the kids). I won’t go into what I am not getting help with due to not having re-new’d my citizenship prior to their passing, and this includes the VA. Oh but I am still a US citizen, in their eyes…. They are missing some paperwork for what is actually important in this incomparable situation. Not very comforting when it seems what was my life is now gone, and even my sister couldn’t give a breath of help but yet take take take and be so crude. I don’t have a sister in my mind, not that one any way.

So after I got left at my elder cousin’s (rather my grams cousin) again for 2 days beyond the say I agreed to for a second time. I listened to how I am this person in the family now, and how I have to take care of everything. Jessie (grams) was the great person, her namesake before her (her grams), and great great grandma Moet was this great person as well. Now it’s my turn, oh and when is Jessie’s service……. And of course you should have seen the faces when I suggested after the holidays due to the weather, and where her ashes are to be spread. But that doesn’t matter, not in their eyes. God forbid I don’t do this soon, I’m sure I am sinning somewhere in this for holding off. Going through pictures, looking back in time, missing sooooo much. And every dang lil town I go to here has memories, from as far back as I can remember. As well grams and gramps lived in many, and so many family members including dearly departed Uncle Joel. I’m shocked I actually made it back here without losing it, let alone saying my peace in a non ladylike way (no we don’t curse around Irene, you watch what you say around most of them, but especially Irene). I think I will throw the “F” bomb out during grams service, just as I shoot back some whiskey.

Greg finally drops me off here after that second rather stressful weekend…. And I break. My body said “that’s it,” and my brain shut down with the body. I told the lawyer to piss off, told the managers here to leave me alone in the best way I could (born again’s who would love nothing more than me to tear this place down and just walk away, and yes have said that to my face), and turned off the world. For the first time actually let this all soak in, and took time for me to grieve and attempt to bring me back. Came up with an enormous amount of questions, and a few answers to some. Thought about life as it is now, and wondered where do I go now that I have lost what was my whole world to me – dad. And knowing grams was old and heading to Summerland soon was no joy these past couple of years, but losing that strength when I needed it most no matter how limited it may have seemed. Of course after almost daily walks, several movies, and music you start to see signs and/or similarities in things. There are stories told, stories to be heard and seen sometimes just when we need them. Maybe not always that answer we are seeking, but something that gives that hot cocoa on a cold night when there is a chill.

I picked up the phone finally the other day and took the calls I needed to. Cried through every single one, but I did it. Turned on the computer and finally started to answer emails and read life online, realizing I am missing life…. Even just as it happens (though finding out that night or the day after), still that sobbing idiot. Wishing I hadn’t stopped all contact, but arguing with myself on how I needed that solace and still hadn’t gotten it. And yes even told my lawyer to piss off again today, and cried through it. But this whole time thought about how I can remember these two people that meant so much to me, and defined who I am today. Still looking at pictures, as I need to for all of this. When I started this journey I had told a wonderful friend that I was going to start a picture diary of this experience, of course this was before grams had passed. Looking through all of these pictures, some approximately 200 yrs old, it has turned into so much more than that. I am not just taking pictures of what is around me, and this beautiful landscape that makes up Oregon and Washington, but I am seeing so much more. I am seeing my history, or at least some of it, and somehow will find what is in me other than what I have just been living. There is more, something that tells my story, and hopefully will help me get back that happy spirit that I am missing right now. Those answers may not all be down here, they may not be back in BC nor where I was born, who knows where this will lead me. It may lie in my bucket list, or maybe in someone who has those answers I am seeking. I may be stressed out unraveled basket case right now, and who knows when the waters will ease. I am going to fight for what I can, give away whatever the fuck I feel like even if it is the friggen china, do whatever whenever I darn well feel like – even if it doesn’t suite your cantankerous 94 year old mood………and keep trudging on knowing that there are family members and friends of the family that are not doing so wonderful, but not have such a heavy heart about it….. tears and all and not forget those friends who I do consider “my family”, and those wonderful friends again…. At least not when I should grab a shoulder to lean on.

• And yes typing this out helped huge. It makes me look at life from the outside, even through the waterworks.

It Was A Good Day For a Napping..... Part 1

2010-11-11T09:50:00.000-08:00

*Incert Rainbow Pic Here*
To be placed tomorrow

Nov. 8, 2010

In a way this has been one of the best trips back home this year so far. I haven’t been able to do everything that I wanted, see everyone I truly wanted and/or needed, and certainly not everything I needed to get done. But I can say I have done a lot, seen a lot, and just been a lot. I actually have a calm smile on my face just for that alone, though still going to try to make that smile even bigger. I am completely aware that accomplishing everything is not always plausable, I can still shoot for a shorter star and think possitive. Weeeeee. Lol. Of course I have been busier than bill the squirrel cuttin wood for the winter, and yes tired at times, but all is good.

I was kidnapped last week and taken up to Queen E Park up to the Conservartory. Perfect timing for the sun to come out from behind the rain clouds, shine on us, and gift us with a phenominal double rainbow. Just what the doctor oedered, well and the soul. It was a gorgous afternoon all the way to sunset, and worth dropping life for. I took a ton of pictures, and we all walked around and soaked it in. The view was spectacular. It’s those lil moments that warm you, and let you know that life is so full of a few small gregarious and wonderous moments……. To be shared with those that appreciate the lil moments.

I had got to thinking about some Water Bondage up there…….perfect place for it really when you look at it all and get to thinking. Not too far down the path and hill some most excellent spots for suspension in the trees, I don’t think anyone would notice…. Do you?

I didn’t go to Rascals after all. I ended up on the phone with family down south, and having to deal with those matters and answering questions and anything else you might gather in that, that is drained me by the time I was to be already on my way there. So missed the party I wanted to go to, I am going to have to make up for that one. And I will. I haven’t attended anything here on the party aspect, though I did finally make it to the Tri-City Brunch that I organize here…. Enough to make my month. And the week into that actually made the Fraser Valley/Surrey Munch, and managed to see so many between the two that I was full. That was a blessing, and nice. Dressed in my working “walk of shame” cloths for the Brunch, as it happen to fall on All Hallows Eve…. Oct. 31st. A few others dressed as well, and it made for a great Sunday! No I didn’t get picks, brought the camera, lacked in the brain power to remember to bring it out. Shhhh. Will get picks of outfit for all to see soon, I promise. Ya….

Got to spend so much time with birdie…. Miss that dude. Took him for a walk around the yard the other day, and someone thought I was strange for doing so. But he was asleep by 6:30pm, so there is some good in there somewhere. Such a funny bird, and so full of characture. Omg. I found a couple new tunes that he likes, so I can almost have a full disco night with him dancing and singing away. Quite entertaining when he gets going, and you can get the right mix.

Went for dinner with a friend at a family restaurant last week. Took the laptop of course, as they do have free wifi available. And did the perv thing, as there is nothing like pervin all those things that you have been talking about for the last few weeks, especially when talking about “The Cone”. We had gotten through most of the dinner without having to worry about anyone seeing what we had on the screen, but then we had a huge table placed by us with 3 children with it. Pouted over that, but had great luck up until then. Even the waitress didn’t mind, and we think the manager came over just to see what we were looking at….get his perv on. *grin.* For the better part of it all, people never seem to surprise me. Human nature to be curious, human nature when it comes to sexual subjects in any form.

Wonderful weekend I just had. The better part being Sunday I do believe, and I can’t wait to repeat it again (love those Sundays, there are never enough no more). Spent it brunching with an old friend who means a lot to me, who always puts a permanent smile on my face. Talked about stories from a few years ago, that sometimes actually get talked about others. And of course one in particular that I like to bring up from time to time, as well I do get a good giggle out of it. And who doesn’t deserve a good giggle; it’s not only healing but funny, even at the expense of an authority like figure. *grin*, okay a few, but who is counting. Yes, I can say that. No, I am not an innocent. Yes, I will probably pay for it one day. No, I am not worried. I think those persons involved should really think about how they fell for it, really. Hehehehehe. Yes, I am stopping there.  No, I am not stupid. I may be who I am, and an damn proud of where I have come to. But I still know my place in the chain, and certainly have my respect for those.

Missed a wedding I was supposed to be at staying down south that wee bit longer to try and get certain things done before coming home. They didn’t get done, due to semantics. And now have other hurdles to jump. Will never miss a wedding again, nor turkey day. Still making up for missing turkey day, even eating my goat cheese with cranberries and cinnamon……. NUMMY! That is another story there, with recipe. Drool.

Going to be missing a few more things. If I haven’t missed enough already, between up here and a few events down south being here right now…. I am going to be missing out on a few more when I go back. Hahahahaha. Ce La Vie!

To Be Continued.........

Tomorrow's Walk To Remember

2010-10-17T18:02:00.000-07:00

I’ve been home almost a week now…. Just a few hours away. I have rested a ton, played with birdie, seen doc, sung with birdie, gotta go back to doc, fed birdie tons of birdie bribing foodies, got papers together so package is almost ready to go to lawyer, chatted my head with birdie, and then spent a couple hours on phone with family members last night - to which drained me enough to not have the energy to go to a wicked Hollow’s Eve Kink Party at Rascals. Grrrrrrrrr. And sat here and found ever squeal know to parrots everywhere with birdie (he likes loons). Next please. I don’t think I want to be where these family members are putting me, I am not wanting to be that person…. At least not right now.

So while I waited an extra few days for paperwork down south I missed so much. I missed the wedding of the year that I should have been at, their like family to me. Must make that one up some how, not sure yet. Kinda missed turkey day dinner, and no one saved me any…. Now I’m hurt…. But considering they just had the wedding a couple days before, understandable. I still want my turkey while I’m in town, and I will get it. I have a good way of pouting, and it just might work. Either that or I will cry on the train back down south next month, and never eat turkey again. *grin*. Oh, no the paperwork was not worth it. No I didn’t get into what I needed, and now have at ton more work to do. ARG!!!!

This is going to make a most excellent book when I am done. Not sure if to make it like a novel, or a manual. Right now, soap novel sounds good. But the manual is excellent, as it is going to help others one day on what not to do…. And how to get around corners when there seems no way through.

And as I type this… I finally have birdie on the one finger wag…. Of shut up or I’m going to stick you in the corner finger wag. It works, but don’t tell him that.

There is so much to talk about…. So much I haven’t put in here in soooo long, and yet I am not typing away about it all. Not sure why; I think it is more due to not having the energy, and also knowing that once I get started my fone is going to ring yet again with another family member wondering when gram’s service is going to be. When all I want to be doing is out walking, breathing in clean air (ya I know that second part is hard to find here). Or better yet, I think Timmy Ho’s is on the menu this week….. Haven’t been in so long. Miss my Timmys.

Tomorrow’s another day. Always another list to go off of, another fone call to make, argument to have, demand to send off (but likely know that it won’t happen), and another walk to remember. Yes, tomorrow’s walk…. That I am looking forward to.

Here is something that I think made my night... such a cutie she is, such a good girl!!!!

Yes!! Got to love it when they listen.... Open your shirt, and bare it! Now dodn't say a word while I write in sharpie on your chest. *grins*

Yes there is fun at those Salem Munches. shhhhh.

From Oct 13th..... Copy Paste... new posting to follow later today.

2010-10-17T17:12:00.000-07:00

Oct 13, 2010

I’ve sometimes looked at things from several different points of view. I am the type of person to have a multi colored mind, always have and always will. I love seeing life with a varied spectrum, as you never know what may come up next. Just around the corner might be something you never thought about, or maybe something you might have thought…….but didn’t think strongly enough to put it into motion. So along comes something that changes your life, and it makes you look at everything around you just slightly in a different spectrum. Maybe even one you never noticed before, a new hue that was never even thought of. So what do you do with that? Well that all depends on the hue I guess, and how much that color affects you. Is it strong enough to attract you like a moth to the flame, or just maybe enough to be that right orca that goes with the flow. Not only will time tell, but so will the tides.

I am now trying to look at all this tribulation that has been going on in my life this past year as a lesson. Though it isn’t just a lesson, I think it is also a path or two that has been offered up as well. Not to even to imagine that I would deviate from my original plans of new degrees, and re-certifying afterwards as well. But just where I may go from there, and what I might do in between. A lot has happened, and that has changed me in ways I didn’t think anything ever would. It has put perspective where I thought I was already solid, and unsteadied some areas and made me think more where I think I knew what was what.

In my travels I have met some absolutely wonderful people (in many years, not just this one.. Which is eye opening by far). I have had some great support from those I already know, and I don’t think I could thank them enough for it. But I have also received support from people who are complete strangers to me, who in all rights didn’t have any vested interest in me or anything I am doing. Well, maybe one, but what can I say about a mortician and his boss. Tons!!!! One who will bring paperwork to me so I don’t have to come down to their office, who will help me pull weeds that are over two years rooted in the garden, who will give me a ride when I am stuck and he is available…. And his boss who offers his service up as well, or anything that they at all can do for me. Yes, they took care of dad. Yes, The owner’s dad used to be the original owner of my grams home………6 degrees of separation or less. Then grams bought it from him when gramps passed, and here I am today…… wow.

I am also thinking about this wonderful woman I have met as well. She makes me smile just thinking about her, and having date night with her can even mean missing out on the movie we want to see….but let’s go to a couple pubs, then hit the local biker bar (the only one left in town) to which isn’t much of a biker bar any more…… ummm, I was the biker in the bar, and that was sad. New owner, and after hearing what she wanted to do with it…. Ya, I don’t think I will be running back to break the rule of “No patches, no exceptions.” But to go see the tar benders again, ya sure. But I digress.

I have had an absolutely divine time playing with this woman. Not only is she gun to beat, play with, tickle, spank, whip clips off her tits and such…. But also make cum. Yup, and that I loved. I can’t wait to spend time with her, or even just chat with her on the phone. Going to truly miss her and others back there while I’m back home, kind of different really. We‘ve set out our own paths, and what we want and don‘t want; not sure what the future brings, and where we may end up… but for now we are enjoying each other’s company. That is good enough for me right now, and of course if I can beat her till she is all sorts of pretty colors…. Yes! She makes wonderful noises, and excellent reactions, and I love the energy I feel from her….. Yup. I am happy to call her a friend, and that is what I want to keep around and never change.

So I get back into Vancouver after a particularly long train ride. Alright, maybe not so much long as it was annoying for the first half of it. Don’t get me wrong I love kids, but please quit feeding your not quite 2 yr old sugar when they are screaming and crying. Especially after you took someone else’s seat, two peoples actually. And was very rude about it as well. Not a happy relaxing ride as per usual, but the last bit was wonderful. Got in a bit of reading, and just listened to some great blues. Chatted with this wonderful lady, whom I will fill that sad story in on another time…. And ya,…. It was the train, as I usually like it. I had stayed up all night the night before due to my poor sleep schedule, and had to be someone way too early in the morning prior to the trip. Did my morning, got on the train… and railed on home…..

Then got to finally see birdie, who I have dearly missed. Poor lil guy, how I have missed our chats. Yup as I thought, he missed me huge for about 5 min, hated me for a couple days, then all was peachy again after that. Bribe him again, and he loves me. That’s birdie, such a kewl dude. I will get him dancing on film this time, you can count on that one. Hehehehehe.

Well…… I should hit the sack soon. Probably post this in the am. A lil too tired now to pull everything up now, make sure it all lines up… maybe check spelling.. Maybe not, just to be a rebel. Add a pic of my trip up, and presco!!!!

Oh….. Hallows Eve….. I am actually some where for that I think, and not a friggen clue what to wear. Any ideas?????

Me

2010-09-13T17:27:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting here on the train in business class wondering about many a thing. I’m also reflecting on life, and not just all its wonders but everything in between as well. Life is never easy, if it were we would never have anything to work for or strive for in life. I think of those who were born with the silver spoon in their mouths; those that didn’t do anything in their lives and how they turned out, and then those who have worked for what they have and the wonderful people they have become. I was not one of those people born with a silver spoon in my mouth, though I have stuck and pierced quite a bit in me , or have had someone else do so of many different types of metals. I worked for everything I have or had, though I don’t own a mansion on a hill (not that the thought of that hasn’t crossed my mind as something to strive for in life). But for what I do have, I can say that I worked for it all and earned it. No one handed me anything in life; and I’ve even crawled on my knees for a few and well other actions as well.

Pristine sea water has its own beauty. On the surface you see crisp cold water, with maybe a water or mammal cresting to break the layers. Underneath there is a whole other world that we don’t even know or see for the most part. It’s sheltered, and hidden away from most of our lives and eyes. If you want to know and see what may be there, you have to go swimming for it. Yes that would mean getting your feet wet, and plunging into that cold crisp water. Doing something different, maybe something you’ve never done before. I can look at this as something quite similar to the BDSm lifestyles, as there is much a mirrored life here. You know there is there is something there, you cave it, want it, and need to know what it is…. Kind of like that kid who has to get to the middle of a Gob Stopper faster than his mates, but can’t quite do it fast enough. Why? It’s a time honered tradition of sorts, learning how to do things the right way to get to the middle and know how to get where you want to go. If you want to know what is going on somewhere in this BDSm world, you have to get your feet wet. Yes ask questions, yes read up everywhere you c an, but get it from reliable sources, and yes lick lick lick your way to the end.

It’s not always so pleasurable where we go and how we get there. There are going to be times that we may not life what we are doing, or what is being done to us. Depending on which side of the fence we are on, there may be options for you. And for the lucky few, you might actually have some say in your day to day activities and livings. How do you react to something you don’t like, especially if it wasn’t on your “No” list? Do you react right away, or do you wait till after that moment is over then discuss it. Would you do this all the time, or just some of the time. Would this be a voicing you do in regular life as well, or just in your BDSm world? Can you separate the two, or does one make the other with you to be a whole? There are so many questions on this, and so many different directions one can go with this. In some way there are a few that mirror our lives, or balance it. Then there are some that are a whole all the time, or the select that actually only come out from hiding (the closet) every once and a while to enjoy their kink.

As I sit here thinking about what I missed back home due to time constraints and people’s works it makes me wonder. All the people I have had in my life for all these years, those that I am still willing to let abuse me in a good way list is so small, and how I either keep missing them or we are too busy to meet up. I do miss the connection I have with a Dom or two from my past playing, and yes they would love to play again, we just need to get our timings rights. But I think of where I am now today, the different person I am as well. Quite different than even 5 years ago, now grown and fitting into a better shoe. Taking that confidence of mine and putting it to use, and using what knowledge I do have, and definitely putting it to very good use. Taking my cravings, and focusing elsewhere. Though still craving one or two things, yes Needles will always be a part of me, as will connections with those I hold dear. But I also crave to feel what I get from those bottoms I do devious things to, watch them squirm and wreath under me and for me, and feel what flows from them. I have more than just cravings, as do most people. I just know and understand mine, and wish and pray for those who don’t know or understand theirs hoping that one day they will figure it out.

So as I’m writing this and thinking what water am I going to take that step into to get what I want now……. Well, a few. I have many events that keep growing that I have to not only get through, but in a way get over. This is different for me, as I have always had someone there for me helping me along the way, holding my hand during times like these. Always known as the strong one, or the one that people could always lean against when needed. Not now, just a few scattered family members. Having a hard time standing on my own two feet during these last 5 months, not even thinking of having to hold anyone else up. And then I’m going to step into the deeper water and just go for life I do believe, while doing that think. Think about possibilities, and where life will take me and what I can do. Which path is the best, not necessarily the easiest, but the better. Through all this remain true to my BDSm self, and never stray far from this part of my life ever again. I realize that I will eventually have to include some members of my family, though now my parents are out of the picture; some will be easier than others. That will be the water I tread in very lightly, and not step through so fast. And I will keep learning, as everyone should. Life, Love, Kink, all of it. I see these people sitting on this train and I wonder how many actually live out their lives, their fantasies, live. From the group around me, I’m gathering not many. But never judge a book by its cover, as you never know what is under neither the top layer.

Life or Something Like It...... Part 2

2010-09-02T19:35:00.000-07:00

I was having a bad week last week that I couldn't explain until it hit me. I wasn't sleeping, nor could I eat.... and there was no rhyme or reason for it. Anything I'm going through right now is not that great, but I am not letting it get to me to that degree. But then as I was laying there at 4 am, and this song came on.... it hit me like a ton of bricks. It has been 9 years since this world lost MJ, and he was no longer there in physical form for me to be with. Ya........Even when the mind tries to forget, the soul never does. That is all that I could muster up.

What I can learn from all this..... including MJ and the last couple of years of loss, is a quote I heard a while back. Someone had lost their dad, and were very lost in their own grief and not sure how to deal with it. They stated to someone "I've never known a world without my dad, how do I learn to live without him in it?" The other person saying point blank into their eyes, "You never do." This is never a truer thought, especially for those who have lost someone in their life that meant so much to them. I feel that way about my own dad, and feel rather empty without him around now. I felt that way when MJ died, and wasn't sure where to go from there either. But went on eventually, maybe not the same me, but I ventured on. These past couple years leading up to dad has been hard, and I am attempting to learn to live with the loss of some very dear people to me. I know I never will fully learn, but I can learn to keep walking. As for dad...... I am not sure how I will go from here, as right now I still don't know any answers to that one. I feel much like that person in that quote, and rather lost.

As today rolled on and I was in chore mode and surfing the web at the same time..... I came across some one's facebook pages that had some wonderful advice on it. This person being a wonderful loving spouse of a lost loved one from last year, who touched so many hearts.... not just mine. On this page was advise on how to be around and treat people who are grieving, and not to let them just be. This excerpt coming from a wonderful author's book, that should be passed on to everyone on this planet. Not only precise, honest, but correct words of thought. But also words to live by and ponder from time to time, just in our every day living. One never knows what is going on in different people's lives, as do you really know what goes on behind the scenes when you are not in contact at all times?
It's very true how people can put up a great front. I can do this very well, and have many a time. Just as I can show I am doing wonderful, when in actual fact my face is killing me and I might actually have a migraine at that particular moment that I can't seem to get rid of...... or foodie problems cause I can't quite process something due to the kidneys not working right. I see this in many people I know, as I try to make it a habit to find out about those I am close to. I want to know if they are truly okay, as some times I can tell they are lying when they say that everything is just fine. By the way... How is that back ache today? Is it getting any better? Or have you found a therapy that works yet? If not..... message me, I might know of something that might help..... and you know who you are if you are reading this.

I've taken to many ways of dealing with stresses, pains and grievances in my many years of living. Though for many it was on the other end of a whip or flogger, and even through a needle or two. I found that getting in those extra endorphins always helped me, and I know there are many others out there who do the same as I do or did. It's not just for athletes any more mom, everyone is doing it now. We all have our own way of dealing with different obstacles in life, be it pain or grieving. Mine tend to lead more towards the Sadomastic side of life, and meditation and Tai Chi for the other half of me. I find balance in everything I do, and almost every where I go. If I don't have balance, I am lost. And that can be noticeable, and people watch out. lol. Right now since I am dealing with so much on the upper half of me, and talking care of so many details..... I could really go for some needle play about now. And I am not talking about just a few stuck in me, something that will make me fly out and beyond......... and have my energy just glowing type of needle play. *sigh* Soon some day, I am sure.... and hope and prey... oooops. Sorry, pray.

So as I sit here staring out at the maple tree in the yard... and the grove beyond it..... I ponder what life has in store. Not just for me, but for those I hold dear. I hope that those who have had loss in their life that has hurt them so bad it's made them stop in their tracks as well...... well, that they can learn to walk again as I am going to try to do as well. No there is no learning to live without, there is just living. I hope that those who are out there pick up that phone, or Internet mail, get ahold of someone they haven't in a while for what ever reason, and just say "let's go for that coffee, I'm buying and I don't care if you have rollers in your hair.... I haven't showered." And I truly hope that no matter what happens in this big world of ours, that we know we are not alone. If it isn't our neighbor, our friend down the road, long lost schooled buddy, it's someone in a country we can't even pronounce. Just know that we are not alone in what we do, or how we live.... everyone some where.... has gone through something just as similar... if not exactly the same. It's called life.

Some Times Life Can Surprise You and Be Funny Sometimes.

2010-08-24T18:00:00.000-07:00

Life is funny sometimes.... no really it is. Yes I maybe going through a tough time on a personal family note, and yes being distanced from many of my closest friends doesn't help... but I do have a few around me to keep me going at times. But what I am truly looking at is different things and people that have come back into my life from way back when, and how it is a good thing.

Take for instance an ex lover of mine. We shared some absolutely wonderful times together, some involving whip cream and choco sprinkles. I don't regret any part of that, as I can still look back and smile and be thankful for all that happened during those last couple of years I spent in my home town. some time all be it a wee bit tanked and having too much fun stool walking through our favorite pub, other times hanging with the boys (and some girls) and singing song great songs together. It was sad when I left, thinking I wasn't going to see this lover of mine again. Moving south, to camp on the water, into my beloveds arms. Though with the thought in my head of how glad I was that for a moment in time, something I know I will never have again.
So what is even greater about all of this is the now. So after all these years, and the odd call between each other so few and far apart.... we find each other yet again on a BDSm site. Well I'll be a birds butt in flight if I down fall from the sky from shock, but is it really. My lover not knowing who or what I was when they were with me, and me not knowing that they were pervy as well. What makes it even more interesting is the sex, and words said between us, the lil things.... all adding up to the final equation. We should have know. But maybe that is a good thing, as if we did would that have changed things. It might have, made it different. We were on equal ground, and I liked that between us. And oh boy!!!! Did I like it..

Now coming from where I did one is usually discrete about their pervy lifestyle. Or at least back then they were, as now it is a lil more out in the open. I was very young when I knew I wasn't your average nilla girl, and that I certainly like my adrenalin rushes and pain. But there was so much more to it than just those, it was the space I was in. Not many could help me with that up there, and it wasn't something you just advertised in the local paper for or shouted in the street. This being before the age of chat in the net world, and hooking up online. Yes we did have a few of us that knew who we were, and I learned from a select group of wonderful people from near my home of the do's and don'ts. This is where I was trained in the Old Guard ways.... to must delight of many when I got older. But I also learned of who I was at that time, and explored. I was very much a needle/poky girl back in my child to teen years, and I grew to something far beyond that as time went on. I don't think I would be where I am today if I hadn't had that time to blossom and become, not if it was all in my face like a kid in the candy store. And I am very happy and lucky to have had the time to explore with all that I could, and with whom when I could. I remember my first girlfriend before I was 11, though I had been with a girl even before that. I'm still shocked my parents never caught on to whom I was that one Hollows Eve when I went as half man half woman, I was 8/9 and my sitter helped me with the costume. Yes she knew, and was open and honest with me about things if I asked.... but only if I asked. As funny as that is, she was a bi fem. Life is funny that way.

Being such good friends with this ex lover of mine now as we found each other in such a wonderful place (Fetlife) makes me smile. They are happy in their life, married for a second time to finally the right person... who is their sub/bottom. They make a wonderful loving couple. And Knowing that we will always be such great friends, no matter what. We can look back on our past and smile, and remember how good life was then..... and some not so good.... but also see how good it is now. That lover of mine is now more Leather than ever, which makes me happy... and finally I can talk to them about my life and all that is in it... Yippee! Share ideas, and everything that is going on. And some day, I hope, get together with their sub, and just hang. Kinda like we did way back when, with no pretence, and knowing that we are such great friends..... and always will be.

Thank you friend for all that you were, and still are. You still make me smile when I think back in time, as many others do from then. Just wanted you to know that. And yes life isn't always peaches and cream, but if we stop to smell the roses.... we can still hear the songs that they sing.

Isn't life funny that way......

We're Not in Kansas Any more Toto

2010-08-22T00:40:00.000-07:00

Yes I did change the look of it in here.... I thought it was time for a change. I've cut off my mane just to touching the shoulders, and changing a few things around me.... and for some reason just changing a few looks in some thing. And my blog happened to be one of them. Hope it looks wonderful, as it isn't going any where for a while. No, not a depressive thingy going on in this one.... I love the pic. One of life's best forces at work, and there is no stopping it. Electrical currents coming from the sky, sharpening the water below ( or rather what once was water). Nature.

So I haven't posted for a long while. First off I haven't had a working laptop for a long while, which made it hard to keep posts up and running. Second, life has taken over my pervy life in many ways. And sometimes one has to put the pen down for a while, and just make notes elsewhere when there is time. My focus has been on other obsticals, and ce la vie. Just have to keep living, and putting one foot in front of the other... and smile while doing so.

I'm sitting here in my Granda Jessie's house in Salem...... listening to Portus Head right now, as it's their turn on my mp3. This is the start of month 4 of being here, with just coming back from a month break from being back home in Van BC. I am missing home up there so much, and even more due to the wonderful eve that Gem has planned for the revelers at Rascals tonight. *sigh*. Have tried to take the day off of everything, though it didn't work all day.... worked in the back yard... and then was bored all over again. I haven't stopped since I got back down here a week ago, and I think this is how my body has adjusted. Up far too early in the morning, and no matter how early we were up.... still can't get to sleep till late in the eve. And if I'm not running around like an ant less a butt, I'm off to Seatle for the day, or Manmoth, or gawd knows where.... traveling away from here no less. I have become the frequent train rider, if there is such a thing. Never thought that would happen. Now is there a "Mile High Club" for trains? That I do want to know. There have been some hot chicks on the train these past couple of runs, and one guy I might just flirt with just for the fun of it. He was kinda cute, young though... but cute. :). If I could have taken a pick of this one girl, omg.... I would have blown it up and put that on the ceiling. She was hot. Funny, as you don't come across too many like that on the train around here. And yes, I have flirted with a few of them. It has been fun.

It's sort of difficult to think of any thing from that subject when thinking of all what I am here for. Takes all the fun out of it all, and then you wonder is it worth it. Not in the mood for much of anything in that direction, would rather just be..... or maybe, just maybe, float myself for some release. Now that would be sweet, a few pokies stuck in me, that would make my year. Some day soon I am sure. Especially since I've had to move twice, and then have to deal with my dad stuff, and take care of granny too. Yup.... any kind of holiday would be good, and poky is a holiday.
I did bring my whip down with me again. So at least I can get in some practice while here, and see how the new thumb is doing with that.... as long as I don't hurt it too much in the yard. And will head out to see some friends around this state again soon, and ya never know what will happen. I am going to try to see what I can fit in with my truly busy schedule, as it already has me going non stop. Makes me wonder who is the lawyer, and who is doing all the research and gathering... hmm.

I do believe there is song in there somewhere... I fill find it.

Well finally tired. Finish "Days OF Miss D's Lives" tomorrow.
BB

Good bye 2009...... and all that loss.

2010-01-11T01:43:00.000-08:00

It is only part way through the first month of this year 2010. So much happened last year, and certainly not all that great. Yes there were positives and greatness, including the wonderful people that were in my life. But as with that does come sadness, and yes it rained. Not just for me though, all too many that I know had a hard year as well. I am hoping and praying that this new years brings not only happiness and warmth, but love and so much more to make us happy and healthy.

I miss my brother. I am not in a good place with that, and not sure how to deal with it. Shitty accident, and all too soon for him to leave this place. It has only been a few months, but it still like it just happened. I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way, and I know how hard it has been on so many to deal with. Family, friends, and riders alike.... so many I know have a heavy heart. I am thinking for me right now what makes it so much worse than it should be is the fact I couldn't make it up for his memorial, and I should have been there..... It was important that I was. I can't turn back time, and I don't think I would want to. But I can certainly say that I wish this was not so, and that I had gone for a visit sooner. :(
Out of the light of that someone did survive. My very good friend, for whom I will always have a special place in my heart for, did come out of this. Bent, broken, and very bruised... but he did. It takes a will to live to go through what he had, and more soul to keep going on. The gods saved him for a reason, and I am truly thankful for this. I know his daughter needed him, and so did his partner. This is a shining light on what was a grey cloud.

We have lost many other great and wonderful close friends and loved ones since then.... and before. Some closer than others, some I wish I had given them the thanks for all that they did for me... for the drive that they had influence on.
Catherine.... I thank you for you being you. You were a true loving person, with a heart and soul of gold. You made everyone feel like someone, and that smile radiated for miles. I loved working with you on events, and the small talks we had. I will miss those moments, though not forgotten. I know you watch over your loved ones, and are protecting them from all that you can. You were an angel here, and are one wonderful one now. Missing you.
That loving ex of mine...... well one of them, though this one no longer here with us. Shortly before Catherine, you left this plane. I will never forget all that we had together, all that was and might have been, and that bond that we had. Never are forgotten the great wonderful times spent just being together, spending time outside of everyone else around us. Never forgotten are those loving moments that were shared only between us, never forgotten the soft words that you spoke to me last. You were one of many that made an impact in my life, though of few men I allowed into my soul. Thank you for understanding where I needed to be, and whom with. Thank you for knowing me.
I lost a few other friends that were close to me in my life.... and I had a few close friends lose loved ones out of theirs. Non of these are out of mind, non have been pushed aside, and always a large loving hug to those in need and more. That was 2009, and a hard year to process. This last year will not overshadow my true love gone 8 years now, and I still have a hard heart. But I am moving on in life, and had started to let love back in this past year. Thank you for the strength that you gave me, and the tenderness of not only your gaze on me but your touch.

Now I have many a love still here with this world. No I am no longer with them, but it does not lesson the feelings that I had or have for them. There was so much brought to me and put in my life in the way of caring and love in 2009, I didn't expect what became of the start of it..... and saddened by the end. When there is such loss, it makes it difficult to look what can become somewhere else. This not being the first loss for me, in any form, it never get easy no matter of the situation. I still care, and never will cease.

I didn't have too many projects on the go till now. The end of the year, with many an influence, brought on so much more in my life as to where I can go and what I can do. I look forward to what is ahead, as there is so much bright and light there. So much can be done, and much will. But more others will benefit than I, unless you count what less of weight I will carry upon my head in a couple of months. :) It's thoughts like this that make me smile, and always drive to continue on. I love my life, I love living it, and I look forward to what is around the corner for me in 2010. It may not all be peaches and cream, but it is my life to live.

Welcome new year.... welcome. I am thankful for so much in my life, I wake every day thinking on this. I am thankful for all those who came into my life this past year, those who re-appeared, and yes even those losses. It was a life lesson to live, no matter. I am thankful for all this life gives me, as I have something to look to everyday......

2010-01-11T00:34:00.000-08:00

Loss Of An Angel - Catherine Holman

2009-12-01T12:08:00.001-08:00

Catherine White Holman

sdholman.com

M-388 Motion criminalizes counseling of suicide.

2009-12-01T00:04:00.000-08:00

There was sad news from the last couple of days.... but I am going to leave that for my next posting.

For now I want to get this out as it is important. Not only to me, as it is close to home due to a gf of mine (who is now healing), and as well a very close friend of mine from a few years back who this affected..... and they now watch over us. I have been fighting behind the scenes, sending letters, and talking to the right people I had hoped. There were many people in a circle that worked for this, many that were not only affected directly but in-directly. And to make this short, miles stones have been crossed.

** RT- Direct from mycanada's site to shorten my typing:

MOTION PASSES UNANIMOUSLY TO STOP ONLINE SUICIDE PREDATORS!Last spring, Carleton University student Nadia Kajouji committed suicide by drowning herself in the Ottawa river after an online chat with a man who pretended to be a girl her age. He befriended her and made a "suicide pact" with her that they would commit suicide together. He asked Nadia to hang herself on webcam so that he could watch, and it is believed that he has done this multiple times on internet chat rooms. Harold Albrecht, MP from Kitchener-Conestoga, has introduced a motion (M-388) in the House of Commons calling on the government to ensure that online suicide counseling be considered an offense. On November 18th it passed unanimously in the House of Commons, a clear message to the Justice Minister that this is an issue that Parliament wants addressed in future bills.

Your Life Counts is a suicide prevention strategy that, with government funding, could become a National Suicide Prevention Strategy. Check it out at www.yourlifecounts.organd ask your Member of Parliament to support it.

RT: Me again:

~So what this means:

That if anyone online tries to get you to kill yourself, they can be charged under the criminal code of canada now. If they tell you to go "kill yourself", and mean it - they can be charged. If they even write it, type it, post it in any form or fashion, leave you a message on your machine... they can be charged. If they make a pact with you, leading someone (or yourself to commit suicide), they can be charged. Any form of this is counseling, or premeditated to the act of.

Personally I find it along the lines of murder. and I do believe that in the courts it will be treated such as, or similar to. When they put this horrific man up for trial, it will be worth watching to see how it flourishes and ends. I think, besides the fact that I have had this so close to my own person circle, this is so sicken (the story above) due to the fact of whom this man is.

I don't wish harm on anyone. But I know karma will kick someone in the ass, and I hope karma will turn his way soon.

That is all I have to say about that for now.

BB All

Walking The Left Road.... or is it.

2009-11-28T04:10:00.000-08:00

I am finding how sometimes life puts a fork in the road you are walking on and you have no choice but take the one on the left. It could be because that the road on the right is blocked by a tree or even a washed out road, but then it could be due to the fact that one doesn't like what is seen down that path. Sadly that has happened to me recently, and I had to take that left road. I am quite sure it is all for the better, as I do not want to be treated with such disrespect and non compliance ever again as I have been. I don't need a friend, life, situation, partner, or just plain anything like that. It is one thing to have poor treatment, it is another to do so then turn it around and blame the person to whom you are doing sad treatment to. Sorry, I don't play that game. There are several behaviors that can be labelled with that, but why dwell in that. I have washed my hands of said person, and am now back on my own road. Vonderbar.

I gave a lot of myself out there and feel like I didn't have that much in return. Well I can say not all is true there, I did get some things back. I got a lot of heart ache, I got accused of many things I could never do to someone.... things that were done to me. Things were said back n forth that I thought would never be, so I learned a lesson out of it all. And I learned what I do not want out of life, and never will do again. I gained a couple wonderful friends out of it, and I will never let that break from either of them. No matter what happens.

Now this all just leaves me to try to figure the rest of everything else out. That is not so easy to do, and there is not always signs or signals left out in the open for me to read or go by. All I think I can do is go by brail, and hope for the best. I have some of the most wonderful people around me, many who I wouldn't trade for anything. I gained insight lately, not just those few friends in my life from that recent relationship, and with that strength. It may not seem like that on some days, I may seem meager at some moments, but that is due to other things going on in my life. I have this strength going on in me that will never falter, I know more about myself then I ever did. I know more of what I want not only in life, but what I want out of it. The only problem is where to start, and knowing my health is at the top of the list yes, but for the other half of it....... where.

I was asked a question by a very nice fellow a few days back. And he will probably read this, and I hope he doesn't get insulted by me referencing him in here... please don't. "Have you sworn off men all together?" For what would seem to most people, the joe/jane blow, it would seem so. That does not mean I hate men, by no means. I love dick, and probably always will. And yes, I can get quite a lot out of a strap on or many a dildo. There is nothing measuring up to a woman, and I could go on listing here...... there is not enough room or enough time. As that one F-M stated (or rather liked to label, as he loves his labels), I'm a bi-sexual dyke. Now what that means is for your own interpretation, I think it means I'm just me. Queer and loving it! Fem Leather Dyke who is ruff around the edges, who just loves to get fucked! If there is something wrong with that, arrest me. You better use the good cuffs for that, as I just might try to get out for the fun of it. *wink wink*.

I am still a Dom. No longer that slave from way back, that is lost in the archives. Not that I don't like to get those needles poked through me once in a while... okay more than that. I have grown, and look forward to more growth. There is always room for that, and of course more learning. I am brushing up on everything I have gone through and learned in my long life of perviness, taking every workshop and course I can. Why not. Not only is it worth while for me, it is for anyone I play with. I have been through a lot, learned a lot, done a lot, seen a lot.... omg, that is a lot. Trying to think of something I haven't done..... animals, kids, dead....... short list. Sheesh, I should do a bucket list I think, next post maybe. A bucket list of kink, hmmm I think I am on to something there. OOOOOOOOOooooooo. shhhhhh. What is after that, finish my book. Get my jaw fixed, get my lupus under control, get the rest of my body under control and on the mend, and then go back and re-certify and go back to work. YES!

As for answers..... not sure if there are any that I will have for now. If there are, I don't have any to post for anyone's eyes. Private eyes will find you, and you know whom you are. I have so much to do in the next few months, and more I want to do. I can't wait to see all that is to come, and what else I can put in my book. If I find that road to the right, oh please run along side me. You never know what might happen, party all the way pervs!

And if there is anyone out there that is sore from anything that has happened around me... or better yet because of me..... Oh Muffin. Usually it is because I have been truly sadistic, or you deserved it. It's called Karma; I have had my fare share, you will get yours as well. So think about how you treat people, and pay it forward the good that you get.

I am donating this year again.... I don't have much, but there are people out there that are far worse off than myself. Trust me. I don't complain really, but look around our city.... heck look around our world. Find that lil someone who needs a meal, or a warm coat, or just a friendly smile to help them through their ruff time. You never know what difference you make in their lives, it could be as strong as holding them up off the street or off that bridge.

Next post: Yukon skeeters make it to vancouver!

Almost Year End, What Next.

2009-11-17T22:30:00.000-08:00

Already halfway into another month. Wow how times flies, and not always in the way we would want it to. You can’t always get what you want as the song states, but you can wish for it. I would say think positive, and then roll with what you have.

I can sit here in my life thinking back on the last few months and wonder. But I am doing everything in my power of my mind not to, and just to look forward as to what may come. I have had a lot of fun these last couple of months, with many things that have gone on in my life. Including letting a certain girl in, or rather back in, more permanent. I don’t think I would call her a “GF” per say, and I certainly will not call her a sub of mine. Though I will call her a play partner for sure, and I love her in a way that in special between us. She has her things going on in her life that she has to straighten out, and when all is said and done then maybe we can look at what is going on between us.

But for now….. I am loving playing with her, spanking her, caning her, and flogging her…. And of course, filling her full of needles. She is a pervy girl, and I love this about her. Love making her cum, and when during play she looks so pretty when doing so. Nummmmmy! Just a cutie.

I miss my pup. So don ‘t get me wrong in thinking that this wonderful bundle of girl is replacing anything, as she doesn’t. I love my women, and always will. I am queer as anyone knows, and have always been. Tried the whole man thingy, and well it just didn’t go all that well having a man over me. And for the most part the men either didn’t like me having women on the side, or had ulterior motives when I did. So there will never be that again, I know what I love and need in my life. Girls girls girls. But for that last chance I took in male bonding, I miss. Yes I wish I could have that time back, though you can never look back. That would have to be something renewed, if it were ever to be again. But for now, I am doing my thing the way I want. He is doing his thing the way he wants, and has set that clear as well. As long as we can maintain that friendship, I think that can be more important than anything for us. And hopefully nothing will ever come between us again, no matter what the situation. Life certainly is not the same without pup, and there is an empty space there like a hole that I can’t seem to fill. But I am sure that is something that is felt by anyone that loses something that is precious in their life, and are not sure what to do or how to go on after. It is something that you have to learn to live without, and hopefully not only grow from it but go on. Yes, sad, lonely and depressed….. But I will keep going on.

So where does that leave me now……. Looking to the future. Things that I want in my life, and things that I need. I need my health to level off, I need my face fixed, and I need that treatment for my bones and blood. That would be number 1 for me, and the rest will follow. As for life’s relationships, I am letting the cards fall as they may. I am not going out seeking anything, or hoping that there is something out there so let’s go and tail it. I know there will be something in my life, and when it is right it will be there for me. As for now, I want to have fun while I am living my life to the fullest. Go to the Leather parties that made me so happy so m any years ago, as I have gone back to what put that smile on my face when I was younger. Spend time with what keeps me going, and with women that peek me.

Now on the other sides of life……

I have been house sitting in the valley for going on almost a month now. Talk about a nice break really, but weird. I have been able to have birdie here as well, though their cat is rather neurotic for my tastes when it comes to how he reacts to them going away. And now that the weather has even worsened since being out here, it makes traveling back n forth not so great. Even today sucked, as I ended up in a down pour just as I got into Vancouver, and then left in dryness….. But came back to rain for the walk home off transit. Not nice. What makes this even more sweet, there is a dungeon here. Yippeeee! So when able, I have made use of it of course. Only a few more days left to use it, and yes I am in there like a dirty shirt again after a workshop tomorrow night. It’s always nice when you have a dungeon on hand for use when ever you like, then you don’t have to worry about travel back and forth to home from one after a great play. That can take away the nummyness of what was a wonderful feeling going on, and leave you feeling cold and awful. So needle play at workshop, come here after and place more in to make more pretty designs (as if I haven’t put enough in her already last week), then take the “professor” after her ass. Yes! Now that is my idea of a fun night, and I can’t wait to get to tomorrow. Yes, I’m a perv. Please don’t tell the world.

So after this next set of play I am going to have to hit the needle store up and stock up finally. I was trying to get through the old ones, as I can’t handle having them lying around for too long. One never knows what truly is their shelf life, so it is always good to get the rotation through as soon as you can. I do know I have to get in a rather large order, and I think I know where I am going to go due to the size….. I just hope I can go there. If not, I know of another source. My next pin cushion is getting a few hundred put in twice. Once here for a test run, and then on the island for a few others to see. I can’t wait. Now that should be a whole lot of fun, and has been far to long a wait to do that one.

I have made a few parties this year. Though the best are the Mayhem ones so far, and I have enjoyed the smaller ones as well. I am looking forward to the ones coming up. I can’t wait to the end of the year ones, as more people tend ot go out, and I get in a wee bit more socializing in. Say my yearly hellos, and how ya do’s. Not sure how much play I will get in, but at least I can get out. Until then……….

I have to mention that there is someone out there who attended the last Mayhem party that I thought was a solid person. It was her first leather event, and I would have thought them to read the rules. They consider themselves a slave, so the board rules tend to go across generally. No? Well after leaving that party, she thought it upon herself to blog everything that happened there, in full detail. Not impressive if you ask me, or anyone I know. What happens at a party stays at the party, and that includes other peoples play.... unless you have expressed permission to chat about it. And I can say this, there is no permission given on 99% of the play there, except her own play. she was written to about one person's, asked to take it down, and she has yet to do so.... let alone even respond to that email. Disgusting. And people wonder what is wrong with this so called community. There ya have it. Leather people would never do this, not in a million years. Takes a wanna-be bi girl, who doesn't know the lifestyle to go there, and ruin it for the people who actually live it. I am not impressed. What makes it worse, it makes me think twice about going to public parties.... especially if she is going to be there.

Now that is not a good thought for this month.

The steam baths were a good thought. I came out feeling nummy and like a brussels sprout. Perfect.

What's in the air today? Energy abound.

2009-10-23T03:20:00.000-07:00

Not sure what is up in the energies.... but wow.

*insert song Purple Rain, due to the fact that Wayne Brady was doing a comedy to it earlier and is not stuck in my head. Though a very fitting song for today, as it is how I feel these last few days.

I am up at a rude hour unable to sleep. There are quite a few things churning through my head, as there usually is.... but far to many for this time for even me. I went to bed thinking of a few thoughts, including of what had put a damper on my mood this afternoon. Still unable to pinpoint what it is, knowing something is wrong with someone out there that I know and probably care about. Grrrr. Of course asking the four directions for direction and hopefully visual on what is happening, no matter what that may be. I am hoping by the time I do get my eyes closed, that this will all come to me.

I had such wonderful thoughts going through my brain after all that. Everything that had gone on throughout the week, people I had talked to, things I had done... things I will be doing. Whats-her-face I'd like to fuck, and so-n-so I am going to see in the next couple days. All good stuff, plus so much more. I even had past memories of that one last big fling I had the last year that I lived in my home town, before I moved to live with the hubby in our new home. And wow, what wonderful thoughts came up with that. Whip cream and coco sprinkles that had snagged me, electrical taped together in a paper bad dropped on my counter at work with purpose. lmao, ya those were the days. And what wonderful pervy sex it was, beautiful music those months were. Tons of fun and laughter, partying with the guys and gals, the band and bands.... sweeeeeeet. And how we have reconnected lately, and how well he is doing with his now second wife and doing absolutely fabulous. And has gone from that sound man geek almost leather, to all leather music motor cycle riding kinky dude. Wicked! Can't wait to spend time just chattin it up with him, and talking about the old days and the peeps in our lives from back then. Wow. Wish I could still sing up a storm like that, haven't filled him in on my jaw as of yet. Not sure how to do that one, kinda bad news bear thingy that I don't want to do. How do you tell your sound man that you can't sing like you used to, not in a band anymore...... can't hear tones.... Grrr. hmmm. That's for another day I guess.

Of course I went to the thought of conversations to be had with other people. Planning them out, as I know they will be good. Explaining certain things, but knowing all is understanding. Hoping that nothing in between is lost there, and that future endeavors are still thought about.

As well about a friend who has a bump on the head. Needing certain foodies, and how to get that to them. I know and understand how they feel, and wish I could be of more help. Love my friends, love the people around me, want to help when I can.... it's that whole pay it forward thing in me.

Then it all went to my appointment today. As of course most of this is in positiveness mode. And how my doc asked about positive things happening in my life lately, and all were so minor that I couldn't come up with a really big one for him. Meh. But I thought of one as I lay there.... I chopped off a foot of hair, which is a big thing for me. But it went rather downward spiraling from there, as there was a negative that went with it. When at my fab hairdresser's, whom I love to bits, there was a notice on how much truly wasn't cut off this time. After all was done, she pointed out on the floor how much really wasn't there even after that whole foot came off. And that hit me like a ton of bricks just this nite, not then - to which I think is a good thing now. The reason for not having as much on the floor, I have lost half of my head of hair these past few years with my health prob. It just goes unnoticed by everyone; not just because it is long and I try to keep it full looking, but because what I do have is rather healthy. And Jackie stated it is probably the healthiest thing on my body, as she knows what all is going on with me. And she is right in some aspects of that, and I am laid out by that. The lady next to me wondered how long it took me to grow my hair as long as it was, and I replied not that long at all..... as unique as I am, it takes almost half the time as the average person to grow my hair out. But I only have half a head, which is killing me inside.

Have the skin patches (granuloma annular), have the foodie problems, heck even be hurting and tired all damn day long..... but shit leave my fricking hair alone!

People have asked me when and if I have been tied up by my hair. Lil rope bondage with the ol hair do, and there was a time I would have jumped up and did my usual "pick me pick me" routine. But now I'm to darn scared to, as I probably will rip more out in the process and can't afford that. Leaves my kink down to only a few things now a days...... lots and lots of needles, tattoos, some rope bondage, sex, kinky sex, really dirty sex, more needles and sharpie things, and maybe a whip or two. And anything else I can think of that won't damage too deep, or take too long to heal and/or make to deep a bruise. What ever I can pass by my dermatologist, and make him happy. lmao. Not gonna take all that to the immunologist, I would probably give him a heart attack with the full list. And of course, what I do love doing, torturing and tantalizing all those bottoms with wonderful things in my toy bag. hehehehehehe.

Sooooooooooooo. When I go back in a couple months, and get that other foot cut off....... do I perm it first, then think about it? Or do I just cut, and maybe go really short and just say Phuk it? Or do I just trim it, and keep yelling and screaming at it cause I can't handle the fact of what it is doing, and what I can't do with it? I can donate it, that I can do. To which is a thought in the back of my over run brain. So if you see me in the new year rather pixie'd out, don't be shocked please..... be happy for whom ever got the hair that THEY needed more than I did. Because there is a wonderful woman out there who has lost all of her hair due to a treatment, and I can handle helping her out because I can't get mine. She is in worse shape than me. At least I still have some roots left. That is what will always keep me going. And my friends who make me smile. .... and maybe that one who can handle sticking a few hundred needles in me for an afternoon or eve. muah!

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Now if I could only stop this sniffling, I could get over this hair thing and maybe get some sleep already. lmao. *shakes head* what a ninny I am. It's only hair.

Perfectly Pervy Precepts For Another Day.... Maybe

2009-10-17T02:21:00.000-07:00

I was thinking a few things in the last couple of weeks. Not just what I was wanting, but what I was missing. Of course lately I had been needing certain things in my life, and one being needles. And that I was approaching someone to fulfill that for me. But then I have had something completely change that.

I got to thinking about all the great pervy parties that were about to come up soon. And then I got to think about whom I was going to be playing with, woo hoo. But then I also got to thinking about a few other subjects as well, and that probably should have been left at the back of my head. Really. And then today solidified it all. Honestly what have I been doing lately besides trying to mend a friendship with an ex slave, and hoping that we could just keep something going. As he had put it a while back... casual. Though there was no way I would play with him casually, it would be one way or no way with me. I am not that kind of person to do so, and I am sure he had figured that out. But certain things had come out of their mouth lately that had pissed me off, and it made me say and do things that I am sure mad them mad as well. But their actions have been uncalled for, sadly they don't see it.

Now I am no saint. I have never said I was, and never will profess to be one. I have my faults, and I am actually happy to have some. But when it comes to your own actions, pls recognize them when they are pointed out to you. Don't think that you are just being attacked, and that all the blame is just being posted onto you, it's not. But remember that it does take two to tango, and I just don't mean in sex either.

But in a sad way this has led me to truly think about my role here in this lifestyle. Am I who I really am. I have been walked over lately, and made to jump to for someone who is lower than me. So it has made me think I am not who I am, and I don't feel right. I haven't for weeks now, and I want to turn and run. Of course this doesn't help that I am so severely ill right now, and should be in VGH right now getting over this virus I have. And it doesn't help that I still am not getting over this flare, as it just seems to be getting worse. And to me it seems people are playing off of that, take advantage in a way if they know how to. And nothing else seems to be going in the right direction, including when a brother dies I can't go running right away to deal with things. Not right, not in my books.

So if I don't feel like me... who am I.

I've decided that maybe I shouldn't be nothing. I should just leave this lifestyle all together, and just be. It doesn't seem to be the right place to be in right now, as I have been so hurt in the last few years. These people know I have been hurt, but yet they seem to love hurting me even more. I am wondering if they are getting off on it, hurt her some more and see if she blows this time. Get in with her, make her really want you need you, love beating you, maybe even love you.... and then leave her. Yes, that is the way to do it. Hurt her good, as she is that type of girl ya know. But this girl can only take so much, and I have had my limit. Done done done.

So see ya.

I think I have done it. Or rather you have all done it for me. My chapter is done here, and I could give a shit when I start a new one up. I can thank a few people for this, but why mention names. I am sadly living with one right now, and one decided after grabbing my heart that he didn't want my hand on his throat any more. And of course there were all the ones prior. But why look back further. I am done.

So good luck to you all. I wish you all the best. Hope that you find something out of this all that I didn't, and maybe I will see you somewhere done the road. That is if I mend.

Does this do me any better than I was before? I am not sure, and I will not know until I actually walk down this path I am on. I don't think trying to leave this lifestyle is doing me any justice, as I have tried this experience before. And what I should do is reflect on what I have been doing, the negative ways I have taken up with these people in my life.... and change it. I have let these people drain me, take over what was best in me. And I have to stop it as of now. If I don't, there will be nothing left. I have let too many walk over me, and use me. This is no more, and they can walk their own plank thank you very much.

If these people think that they are going to get the better of me..... look to someone else. I have decided to find the positive place and person I used to be, and go in that direction again. If say that last boy I had in my life wants back, there has to be changed in his life.... not mine any more. I am looking to a new light, and a new way..... and everyone else can find that map. No more are they taking me into that negative space, no more are they walking over me. No more. Now.

For now I heal. For now I am me. For now I do what I need, just to gain what it is is me, and what makes me whole. And to heck with what other may think or perceive. I am walking my path, and that is what counts.

Ta for now.

Pervy precepts for another day.

Taking a Deep Breath.....

2009-10-15T02:15:00.000-07:00

Tonight I connected with an old friend. It was his BDay just last week, and haven't talked to him in almost a year it seems. WOW. We used to get together for almost weekly lunches down the hill when I lived in the Burbs, and I always looked forward to those. And of course, there were those few times that we did play. Only a few though, as he had a few extra kinks that I just wasn't into. And ya know, that's okay with me. But he did teach me a couple things about myself, and that I really did love breath play. I was reminded of this as we chatted, and how all these things can come about when chatting with an old player/friend again.

Now breath play can be a hard limit and very loving for anyone. For me for many years it was a complete hard limit, just due to events that happened in my past. There was no way that there were hands going around this neck, no way no how. But of course I did have that last Master of mine take control of me by doing so, and well.... ya He did. There was no saying no there, and He had control. He didn't take my breath as in not letting me breath, He just took me.

But my wonderful friend took my breath during play. Now this wasn't putting hands around my throat, nor a bag over my head either. Just at the right time, when it seemed like I was about to peek..... He wrapped His arms around my chest and hugged really hard. And as I lost the wind, I went away. And when I came back..... I flew. Now that was a flight for the first time I would never forget, not in a million years if I live this life out so. And I hope to take to the next, and so on. And for each time He did this in each play, I couldn't wait. It is as if you are waiting to to go to Dairy Queen, knowing that your going to get the Peanut Buster Bar Parfait (but with peacans instead of peanuts). And your almost peeing your panties in anticipation on the way there, and the traffic is going at a turtles pace. No road rage, just not fast enough for you to get there. Even though that is what makes that parfait all that more delectable. The wait, and the taste afterwards.

Nummy.

My roles in life have changed of course since we last were together. And things have changed in his life as well, as he has found the finer things in life can also be found being at the bottom as well. I admire him for this, as not many Tops go this route. Not only are they not comfortable doing so, they just won't. This is just something that is a rarity, unless they have been there already. Have known it, like and loved it, and want to go there again due to missing it. Most would call this switching, and others in my circles call this confused. I call it as I see it when I come across that person, it is what they are when they are there at that moment in time. Not everyone adheres to a code of conduct in this lifestyle that we live by, many are light when it comes to this. Though I live by an Old Guard Leather living, doesn't mean everyone does.

Yes... I have crossed over to the Dark Side. And to most of the people I know, I can never go back. Darn. It's not to say that I can't have a very good friend with whom I trust explicitly to poke me full of hole with needles, and of course there is always the pain side of tattoos and piercing in itself. I will be a fully bonified Sadomasochist. Never will change, to one side or the other. But I am very Sadistic. I wouldn't be able to come up with the ideas I do if I wasn't, nor would I be able to take what I do either. So I have my own balance, and that is within me. Though I am not under the flogger twice a week as we speak, but I do have my own way of dealing with life.

I have met the most wonderful pain bottom since I was with this wonderful friend of mine that loves to have my hands wrapped around his neck. And what really makes me delighted, is that I love doing this for him. Though it has been a while that I have done this, and I would do almost anything to wrap them around that neck right now. It is almost calming being on the upper side of the hand, to have that control and power over how the story goes. To see where they go, and take them on their journey. And if all goes well, join them on that flight. Of course he is not the only bottom/slave I have played with in this last year, but so far the one that has taken the farthest leap off the edge. All have been hard players, and huge pain sluts. But non other than he has had my hands around their necks, and that I find a privilege.

Some day soon I hope to again. Just when he is peeking to wrap my hands around that now prickly neck, watch as his eyes go wild with arousal and fear. And watch as he goes into flight, and just sores..... Feel that body join in what is happening in his head, and feel the vibrations.... all that I felt only a few years ago. Let him tell a story as he journeys off to another place, and float with him and be there when he comes down. There is nothing like that feeling, and nothing like floating with them.... nothing like joining in on that, and knowing where they are going to.... that happy place that makes one feel so safe and warm. Pure ecstasy. And for some reason, for many, breath play is one of the purest forms to get there.

And I understand why.

Tis The Season To Be Beaten

2009-10-14T12:21:00.000-07:00

It is getting closer to that time of year for me. Though for many it is still a couple months a way, and others do celebrate the same as I do. All Hallows Eve is my Day, and I like to spend it as if it were my xmass. Weird yes, but true to form for sure. That day means more to me sometimes that any other day of the year, as for the better part we actually all got together to celebrate something. Not just the blood family, to whom I could only call a few true family members to me. But the people in my life true family members as well. It was also those days that for just a few days out of the year, that everyone around me (including my parents) were smiling and having just plain fun.

Of course I do celebrate Yule. But that is entirely different to what people today consider 'Christmas', and it goes on for days.... not just one flippin day of giving and taking prezzies. Yule to the better part of the world is just being, and being with people you care about. And of course eating, and bringing in food to eat with them. That is if you can afford of course, as not everyone can. And if you can, give a lil gift wrapped in a gold (brown) and/or red package to those who are near and dear to you. And not about getting something from others, and who can outdo whom in the prezzie department. Personally prezzies are done on Hallow's Eve, and then at the end of Yule. So there can generally be a few confused people in my circle of friends on my list of lovies, but I love the look when they get someone from me in January. Makes me smile.

But of course with all this comes some Perfectly Pervy Parties. Dead Sexy is at the end of this month, to which I am looking forward to very much. Maybe I can get those Bday beatings into davyd finally, as I know he so wanted them. I tried to get a party together for him, but all I got was bitch bitch bitch about it. So I gave up on that, even though he talked about having an all out beat on him. There was no chance of having that, as he made no plans on going to anything for this to happen. It made me wonder what was going on through his head, and what he actually wanted. Now I think I should hold off on his bday prezzie as well, as I don't think all of it is appropriate to give to him either. Maybe part of it, but not both. As I hope to still salvage what we have as a friendship, I don't want to drive him away either. Makes one think. But do I really want to beat the living &^%#@#$$%^ out of him right now, and give him that happy feeling he so does deserve for all that he has done for me. Love ya hun. Wonder if he will get to have any play time in while working at the party, he is doing security.... probably not. Grrrr. *sigh*

I've learned a lot since this last couple of months have gone by. I've had a lot of time to think a few things over, and look into the perspective of it all. Why this, why that. Though yes, there was an outside influence to all of this ending crap, but we also let it happen.

I can look at how from the beginning men ran out on my life (my dad left my mom.... or rather my dad couldn't handle the whole family tied down crap, so left for a freer life. kind of a take it or leave it... he left it.), and how that still affects me today. And when I find that a man in my life can't take what is happening around me, and I give him an ultimatum...... Well, if he can't stand the fryer.... And of course I gave the one person that I cared about that choice, who I shouldn't have done that to, and I did wrong in that perspective. But now is finding a way to stop that bad habit if there is a way, and maybe finding a way to stop that bad habit of the other person in this whole story. lol. Ya a long stretch.

I look to the future in different ways. I look at what I want and need, and what is best for me as well. I know that there are certain things that I will never be able to live without, and that there are some things that I can pass by. But for the better part of me, I will always be this pervy person, always be wanting something out of it all...... always be this .... (as he described me) Bisexual Dyke. Yes. Love womyn. Gawd I love them, everything about them. But I can't seen to leave that dick behind, for some stupid lil reason. I could do without the body attached, or rather what has been attached in the past. I guess it would be redundant if there was no body attached in my case, as I just can't keep that one up. I am that type of person that needs another person there.... no matter what is going on. Plain masturbation by one's self get rather lonely and boring after a lil while, and isn't me.

But I am thinking this is a whole other story for another time. ... maybe a pervy one.

In retrospect I have loved and lost a few in my life so far. There are only two that have truly touched my heart, and one is not my ex husband. Though I did love the guy, he just didn't get there. Of course the first person that truly touched my heart can't be here, and that is a travesty. I miss him dearly, and he will always be a part of my heart... never forgotten. As for the second.... Well, all I want to do is beat his ass as hard as I can and then some, drive my knee into him till he can't stop cumming, poke holes in him making pretty designs, cut him up till there is no more space on him left unchecked, wrap my hands around that throat of his while he hits that peak and take his breath away and beyond, make him scream for mercy but beg for more.... and yet have that tender hand of his on my when I need it. But best of all, have a friend in him. And someone to eat sussi... ooops sushi with, and take those nice walks where ever with.... even the mall to pick out the best co-ordinating outfit for the event coming up. It's all about style, not just about the leather. And hit the beach and park with, and toss the frisbee around. And yes, go on a picnic when it's not raining or below 5c.

So you are wondering why I have babbled on about all of this in three different directions now..... Well, I have a ton of things going on in my lil brain at the slowest of times. And when I have a thought promenading through, I have to get something out at least one or two of them. And of course All Hallows Eve is coming up, with parties and handing out candies as well. And what to do with that time. And all those pervy thoughts with the parties to follow soon, and how to spend them. What is a gal to do. Just let it all gather and churn..... or look for perspective........ In the hopes that maybe someone out there has a thought on this all.

Sweet Balls of Fire

2009-10-07T19:53:00.000-07:00

Sent: Oct 4, 2009 3:00 PM
Subject: Sweet

After being so down and sad not only losing a brother, but not being able to go up for everything really stung. So today I have a different feeling going on.

I still am sad over it all. But to say the least I am in a blissful mood, and can enjoy what this past weekend and today has brought me in replacement. Not only did I get to watch some fabulous entertainment; I ran into people I hadn't seen in a while, and met many I have always wanted to and admired. Which included the famous Betty Desires, and spending the whole even with this crowned Queen of Bellingham was an honour and so much fun. She does so much down south, including running her own paper, and is the official greeter at ITW, and has done so much more over the years that I could sit here and list for an hour. Truly an amzing person to not only know, but to look up to in the leather community, and the gay/drag community. May hats off to her. I can't wait to spend some more time, and collaberate in the future.

Now for the stepping down Mr n Mrs Gay Vancouver... Congrats. You both had a most wonderful year, and deserve all the accalation that you receved and then some. You were beautiful all week, and shawn last night (and Brent way into this morning, lol). Jackie: you are fabulous! I love how you take a room, and comand all around. And when the water flows, that spakle still stays strong - just like you. Thank you for being you, your beautiful and I'm happy to know you.
Brent: you rock! Even til 5am. You stand tall when it's needed, and return those hugs just like a good friend always does. I'm happy to call you a friend, and look forward to future colaberations (plot, plan, conieve, shhhhh he's behind you). So caring, and still the man when needed. Yes, you are you.
Hugs to you both again. Thank you.

Of course now that we are supposed to be at the hotel right now helping with tear-down of the ball room from last nite. You Brent are visiting a friend briefly, and I wait to walk with you to plot and plan so more. And I'm sure there are a few people swearing at us for not being there right now, but that is what happens. It's for a good reason, and we can be fashionable for a change I think.
Slow down now for the week.

I don't think for now anything can top this week. I'm happy, though sad from other events, I'm happy. I think there was a reason for me not making it north, I will figure it all out soon enough.
Til then....
I will keep this inside. Hold on to what I have, and look forward to a more happy and possitive future.

I posted this today, though I wrote this on Sunday while waiting for the wonderful Brent to return back. so we could proceed to help with tear-down at the ball. Though we were slightly late, all was good. I loved the walk and talk, and that is what counted.

Attempted to but it didn't work: Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Where Does The Time Go For The Near & Dear?

2009-09-26T18:10:00.000-07:00

So now my head is exploding......

Not sure if it is because I have been crying way too much. Or maybe because I am trying to hold back the tears, to which I think now is a very bad idea. Migraine, Migraine, Migraine. Face hurts as well. But at least I had a wonderful shoulder to lean on when I heard the news. Thank you.

A brother of mine died a few days back. Sadly due to not answering a couple of texts, thinking they were spam, I didn't get the news till today. Grrrrr. And with him was also a wonderful friend (a "FB" ex) who had a broken neck due to this, and is not doing to great. This all happening out hunting on a boat up north, and my dear friend having a hear attack at 49 at the helm. He lived a hard life, but sheesh.... a bit young in my books for that. The only thought going through a few of our minds, he went in a way he loved. This doesn't comfort the blow that much, and still can't take away how much it hurts. I think more so as there was no hello or good bye in the last few years, and wishing those last rides that were taken weren't so far back.

There were never enough Toy Runs, Partys, or just hanging about the shop. And I remember the day he asked me to polish his bike with a q-tip, and of course my answer to that one. I remember the first time I rode that sporty, yup that was my day..... thanks dude, my bike now. The drinking competition he and a few got me into, stupid mistake on their part... lesson well learned. And that one particular Sail Pass with 'N' as Santa that year, and we had him on his boat. And OMG, the waves and 'N' drunk and riding it like a bull rider. Shit, I'm sure they all thought we were going down at the super port on turn around. But nope, he new that boat all too well. Gonna miss him.

So where does the time go when you have all those great memories out there and you don't get together enough to reminisce. Do we forget to take the time out of our lives to get together with our family and friends, before it's too late. Especially with those that mean so much to us, that are near and dear to our hearts. When was the last time you called up that person you considered to be your besty, and haven't had the time to.... or just maybe haven't made the time to. People that have made impressions in our lives, people that meant so much to us. Like my brother who I stole a t-shirt from, and said I would give it back in 10 years... do a swap for another. Well, we are just over that 10 year mark by about a year or so. And here I sit, with that first t-shirt wondering how do I say hello and goodbye again.

Rest in Peace my brother.

Summerland is your home now

Sunday Brunch - Tri-City - Sept. 27th

2009-09-26T17:41:00.001-07:00

Greetings Fellow Kinksters & Munchie's, There is a brunch this coming Sunday Sept. 27th. Usual time of 11:30-am till when ever in the afternoon, and meet up with cassey and Friends (and if I can make it when I'm on-time as some would gaggle about). Hopefully usual spot up top beside the bookshelf, behind the fire. If not just down below. It is the 'monthly' (The last Sunday of EVERY month)Tri City Brunch held at the John B Pub. Excellent food, wonderful people, awsome service, cute too, and just a wonderful day to be. Here is the food information for the Tri City Brunch There is a huge spread of food for pretty munch everyone's tastes out there. Delectibles from here to the caspian sea, and sweets and fruit to compliment. There is several salads, and fresh veggies for the munchies. Pure Nummmyness. It is worth the cost. And you can order from the menue after 12:30 pm. if the buffet is not for you. Tri City Sunday Brunch ! Sunday, Sept. 27th, 2009 11:30am to 1:30pm or so (til late afternoon) John B Pub 1000 Austin Ave. @ Blue Mountain Coquitlam, BC. ! Wwe sit up top on the back side of the fireplace, against the window wall to the right, left if facing out of the bookshelf. Look to Yyour right when walking in, and Yyou should see Uus in the distance. Teddy Bear is almost done for identification. If not, pls ask a server. *Again pls try to inform or email me if Yyou can, as i can have enough seeting for Aall. Please email me here or @ Tri-City_Munch@shaw.ca or TriCityMunch@msn.com Hope to see Yyou there. Have a great week and weekend Kinsters. Kinky Regards BB lil d *PS** Next Brunch is: Sunday Oct. 25th, 2009. *****The Next Tri- City Munch is Wed. Sept. 30th

When did Stella get her groove back?

2009-09-20T01:05:00.000-07:00

Wondering what I'm doing some days with this life. Sometimes there are days that I turn and look within myself and wonder what I'm doing, as when a certain someone has said or done a specific thing I start to think. It makes me ponder what all is going on around me, not just what is transpiring from my own self.

I've learned a wee information about my body that I am sure I didn't want to know but needed to. S of course this makes me ponder what I'm doing. And I'm doing the right thing. Should I be taking someone down my road with me, and is it fare to them. Even though they know the consequences and still choose to be with me, and know exactly what I am going to possibly going through (not counting already what is going on). But then I wonder is it right, and should I make that decision for them instead. Of course due to some rather redundant people's actions a bit back, it has changed my life quite a bit. I am not exactly where I would like to be, and it also has made ways I feel worse. So i leaves a good portion of my kink feelings on the road side, even though I am fighting to stay on course. Being too tired to be me, well that is a travesty. But I shouldn't take others with me on the downward spiral, I don't care if they agree to or not.

And I won't forget the email I received the other day from my brilliant dentist asking me to make an appointment to coming for a cleaning and chk up, to which just makes my face hurt with the thought. Though of course I should go asap to find out if there is any news on a possible surgeon found, even if that is only 20% of the problem.... what I would do to chew through food without wondering if I'm going to lose my jaw that time or not. But of course it still leaves everything else not being dealt with, that being a big problem as well. I'm getting just a wee bit miffed at this system, and a few docs here. Daily pain and the feeling of wanting to toss the cookies out the car window are a great feeling, ok that was not true.

I see so much around going on. Not only do I see many people having a wonderful life and all things great and small just buzzing along as if there wasn't a care in the world, but I also see the suffering that goes on as well when there is nothing but a crumb in from of them to share with 10 people.... and no shelter to think of.

"Mom's Day" went by yesterday and I didn't even get to go say hello as I usually do. That sucked. Not only was I stuck still trying to fix things in data entry, and get more entry done..... But by the time that all that was taken away from me (think I'm out of a job now due to all the problems of program, and roomie fucking up and me losing all the data, great), it was pouring out and in no weather shape to go to Jeriko Beach to say hello ma. Not sure why it seems this day gets harder ever year, but it does. Every other day seems to get a lil easier (except today as I feel like shit, and I'm missing ma), but Ma's Day gets harder every time. And this year I think is worse not only cause I didn't get to go as I have for 13 years now, but because I am so in not my great state I could really use that hug from her that always made me feel better - no matter what was ahead of me, it made me feel better.

When pup came by yesterday to grab my laptop from me I'm sure I was looking like I was in a sad state of affairs. Though it doesn't resinate with him what was going on with me, just that I was having a bad day. I'm sure he just thought I wasn't feeling well, and wanted to console me on that. Sweet, really, and thankful for it, but just doesn't fill the hole. Anyone who has known me for at least 6 years knows that this day is not great, but I still like to go and spend time with the water, and then go have a toasty. I think it gets harder to explain to new people in my life, or people that might not quite understand. If only it was easy to explain it all, especially they way.

So when did Stella get her groove back? I don't plan on waiting til I get out of this flare, that is for sure. I would like to have at least part of my life back soon, if not now. Not to call myself a puma or anything along that line, but I have a young guy I should be dancing in the streets right now..... but alas he is not even in my bed right now..... Still wondering where he is right now as well. If he has my laptop to do work, then the lil shit should be at home doing it. No? Or at least letting me know of his where a bouts so I am not sitting here going what the frig, and then wondering if I am making the right choices.

Do I have to go to some tropical get away to get my groove back? I would love to, if someone could send me. Pls, no objections here if someone wants to whisk me away....... anyone. I would settle for a spa retreat 50kms away right now, even in the burbs and a massage. lol. Not the exotic kind either, a real one. Must get away I think for a few days, maybe that will help me out. Look for my groove........ doesn't seem to be here, and it isn't in my closet. Not coming out of there again, though I could go back in again, maybe......

Is it too hot, or am I dreaming.....

2009-07-28T19:25:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I posted in here. Not sure why, though I know being busy at times when I do think of posting is for a reason for a part of it. The rest there is no excuse, just plain not there doing it. A few things have happened, and still others going on.

Of course I attended my usual yearly Folk Fest recently. What a blast that was, even though they did add a beer garden to it this year. Not exactly what I call folky for this kind of event, but at least non of that part spilled into my folk space. This year we were short one of our crew as she went the day previous, if we had known... we would have gotten her another ticket for the next day as well. Oh well. But at least this year we didn't have to push K around in a wheelchair, and no one was having a heart attach on the other end of the phone that we had to worry about. So all was good, even though I had to leave an hour early. Still down and folky, still rockin. Can't wait til next year, as I am sure it will be better than the last. It usually is.

I still have my puppy! What a wonder that is, as he is doing very well. It is not like Wwe haven't had our moments, and I have looked at him sideways a couple of times...... but still worth working on. I like the fact that he comes when I need him, and does what he is usually told. he is working hard at keeping his affairs in order, just so he can keep up with me, and that I find is what I am looking for. I enjoy his company, and I enjoy spending time with him, it seems to be a lot of fun.... not always so serious, but just what is needed right now. Even though I may have a ton of work to do, I like to make time for him when I can. It is worth while, I just hope he feels the same as I do.

Of course this past week has put me behind on a few things. I am dearly behind on paperwork and data entry, but I am also missing a program that is also hindering part of that. But my boy needed time as well, and I think sometimes we have to make a lil sacrifice here n there. Now I am back to work doing things, after fartin around with this comp trying to get it online for over 4 hrs today. I won't say my frustration level in that one. Then off to do wine. yeh.......

Life in itself has dealt a few lost words for me. It seems that some people who I thought they were, aren't. They have turned out to be something other than, and not something I care to want to know. Talk about stabbing people in the back, and then twisting the blade while at it. I always wondered what it would be like to know people like that, ones who would turn on someone just for their own gain, well I do now. And they are the ones who should be looking in a mirrow, instead of throwing stones in a pond that they know nothing about or put accusations that are standing. Tis too bad really, specially when I thought they were good people. Oh well. Live n learn, and then move on without them. I hope that all involved learn from this, and maybe head some good advice.

My dad still is not in good shape..... grrr. And still doing tests, and not getting proper results. But going under the knife in sept, at least that part is getting dealt with. Though I am still worried, and it doesn't look good at all. So doing all I can from here, and hoping I can get my papers together so I can deal with everything down there. I feel for him, and I wish I could do more from here. Hugs pa.

It's funny though. considering how many friends I have that are so much like family to me, and then I only have a few family members that I actually still call family. I know I am not the only one out there that is like this, and who has dis-owned a family member or two. But sometimes it still gets to me, wondering why I feel this way and why that other person doesn't care. Hmmmm.

As for all those great people in my life... thank you. Your wonderful, and I would do anything for ya... ya know it. See some of you hopefully at BOP, and a few at the D. Picnic. woo hoo!. And before that one, at the parade. Yeh! Such a life in between all the other stuff that keeps us down, have to find the sunshine and smile in between it all. That is what keeps us going.

Now all I have to do is find that guy that loves to drive needles in me....... where art thou poky man?

What the.....

2009-07-03T14:02:00.000-07:00

OK, am I the only one out there having problems with posting from their mobile devices directly to their blog here?????

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. This is not working. Though funny how all my tweets post here right away, and I don't have to worry about those coming up at all in the side bar.

I think I am now blogger mad.

*insert really cute puppy pic here*

So there.

Just a late update

2009-07-03T13:03:00.001-07:00

Life has been quite interesting since Mayhem. Very good, and interesting. Though I have been quite tired, and not up to par for the most part. I have enjoyed so much of what I have been up to outside of my regular daily life, and that is about as fun as eating glass some days.

Of course after Mayhem we had the wonderful Diva's Den. Now that was worth every watching moment, and yes a couple of kisses as well. Talk about some great views, and even gorgeous ink on a particular back. Nummy all around. I am not complaining, well maybe that this doesn't happen at least once a month. Of course spending time with some of those great women from Mayhem again made it worth while as well, and it brightened my evening even more. But of course since a certain puppy kept texting me, I made sure that he was at my floor for when I got home. Bad puppy.

Now speaking of puppy........

That lil puppy has been doing quite well. Not only is he trained in Old Guard, which is my way of thinking and growing up, he is very obedient. So my mind is working well with his, and I am having no problems dealing with the lil one. I definitely have to spend some time here chatting about it all, as there is a bit to say about him and all around it. One thing I can say, he has changed how I have been feeling these last several months about this wonderful lifestyle. I think I can move forward in my life, and look at things in a completely different light. I would say that puppy is one worth considering for the future, and I am looking forward to see what it all brings.

My dad has been very ill these last couple of months. Now this is not getting any better, and I am going out of my mind here. It comes down to the docs doing all these tests and not getting anywhere, and him sounding worse every time I talk to him. My step mom (rather ex now) and I have come to the conclusion that it is probably renal failure, with all the kidney problems he has had most of his life.... and stones... yes this is it. And for now all I can do is getting my citizen re-newed asap, and worry about getting down there as soon as possible. Too much paper work to go through, and all that stuff that goes all around it. And of course there isn't a lot I can do from up here, as I have 2 state laws to deal with, and what ever he has in AB. Grrrr. Frustrating. Stressful. When the personal eye rain stops, I think my view will look different. Consulate paper work is not fun, that is all I will say about that now.

Is hot weather today again. And I have to go out into this, and not looking forward to it. Still not feeling all that great after time at Burnaby Gen yesterday, though I think the heat had more to do with the ill feeling then the injections. I am sure that once I get into it all, I will be ok..... then get into a place that is a lil cooler. Yes, it is full summer now. Yeh!

Oh ya....

Happy Cananda Day people.

(slightly belated)

Women Of Mayhem for Me

2009-05-17T02:05:00.000-07:00

I had such a great time at Mayhem I didn't want it to end. Not only did I meet some wonderful women from all walks of life and sexes..... I learned more about myself and maybe about the people that are in my life. Yes, I did. This is not a bad thing, but a very good thing. A path I had to walk, and a great and wonderful walk it was. Let's walk it again please.

I have made some great new friendships out Mayhem. I hope I keep these people in my life, as they are some of the most beautiful people I have ever met. Those spirits that rose from their bodies just shawn, and there was no end to it. There was no negativity to them, and their generocity flowed from them like a river of gold. They were open to anything you had to talk about, and open about themselves and were willing to talk about anything about themselves. Not many people I know are willing to just open up about themselves and their lives, just say who and what they are about. This is me, and why I am here and how I got here.... and do it honestly.

Energy flowed all weekend long. One could have powered a city on what I could feel from all that energy, and I fed on it like a hungry animal. It is was kept me going that whole time, right through to the last ending dance.... and boy did I dance. Danced my lil heart out and legs off, and felt that the next couple of days. I saw things in workshops that made me cry it was so beautiful, and a few others as well. And things that made us all laugh and rejoice, but most of all made us want more and crave for it all. And the knowledge of it all, everyone had their own knowledge to share with everyone. That is what made it all worth while, everyone shared with everyone. No care in the world on who it was with, it was shared. Love was in the air, friends were made across bridges, and everyone had a hug for the next person..... Energy!

The funny thing about the whole thing was what was missing that whole 4 days. There were over 200 women there, and a good portion were mooning.... but the most wonderful part of it all is the lack of - or rather non to nothing of drama. Yes, No Drama! Talk about a feat, no drama at a all female event. Something you can't even find at a Pan event, or even in this town mixed with just a few people. We all relished in it, and enjoyed for what it was. Just a most uneventful weekend full of energy filled women of all walks of sex identified and Ds identified people. woo hoo I say. Let us do that all over again, and let us do it again soon.

Of course there is Diva's Den here on Sunday.... ummm ok this is in the wee hours of the morning that I am typing this, so in just over 16 hours. And I am going to be seeing a few of those locals that were at that same conference, and I can't wait. Not only am I going for the girlie show, but I get to see some of these wonderful people that I got to see all weekend. People that I hadn't seen for a long time, people that I had met in person for the first time, people that I had just met.... people I can't wait to see again and spend more time with. What a life, what a way to live.... what a way to just be. Now that is what I call life. Being a woman... no matter how you live it.

I have not felt all that great for the last lil while. Yes my health has lacked due to things beyond my control, and waiting for that call to get those platelets that I need so much to help me keep up with my daily living. Operations are somewhere down the line, and finding a cure for "L" is probably never going to happen, but one can only hope. But I can say this.... for someone who has had such a lack of energy for the last lil while.... I found a ton of it for Mayhem. It was there, and I didn't have to search for it. I am so happy that I was actually able to go at the last minute, and they accommodate me so well. I am so happy that I didn't have to sleep through half of it, or not feel under the weather for even a slight of it. I am so happy that I came out the other side without a worry of my health, and have to go running off to get some energy shot at emerg. And I am so happy that I don't have to go to my docs and explain why I am so tired and under the weather for some other stupid thing I may have done to out do myself for one more time, as I think this actually did me some good for a change. Yipeeeee!

Not only did I have great energy from that weekend, and maybe just maybe I got more out of it than I thought I had bargained..... I think I gained a "puppy" as well. Boy is he ever cute and adorable, and obedient as well. And he spoils me rotten, and all he wants to do is make me feel better. No Top/Dom could ask for anything more out of someone like this, no one. he is a service primarily, but he makes a cute lil puppy. And most of all, he makes a wonderful friend and partner... I can see this already. Yes I do want to keep him, and I hope someday this is for this in time. All will tell time in the future, and I can only hope. But he is the one that ultimately makes the decision, and all I can do is hope that I treat him well enough that he wants to stay. "good boy, good boy", "fetch".

Well......... Now I should take this lil body of mine own and get it off to bed. Take birdie with me, and get him some quiet time as well. Birdie seems to like it more when he is in his lil corner in my room, and is quieter in the morning. So we are off to bed here shortly, and get our lil time together... and have our wonderful wake-up together as well. Such a good birdie, and hopefully come along more quickly from here on in. Got to get that new squawky thingy under control, and get him on a better sched.

To a new day, beautiful women, and good lil doggies and birdies.

namaste

What is in a joke......

2009-05-17T01:23:00.000-07:00

Funny how some people are really. There are many that can take anything that you throw at them, joking in many ways that everyone gets and can handle.... and throw something right back at you. But then, every now and then, there is a time that same person can't take a simple sentence that is meant as no harm and take it all in the wrong way or throw all sorts of wrongness into it all over the place. Basically escelating everything right out of porportion, and adding to something that really isn't there. Then making everything look bad, and not putting into it what they shold have. Really.... as it was to be in the first place. But what makes this all so bad in the first place......... something was given to in the first place. So making it as that person can give it, but not take it situation.
Now that first given statement I had laughted off quite well. Went along with it, just as a joke and even made fun with it just as it was meant to be in the first place. Even came back with something to go with it, as it was all intended. Being called a Dyke after coming home from an all women's conferences is ok I guess, if it came from one sure..... but not from a straight woman. But it came in a humerous manner in a sense, and I went along with it. So when having the chance to go with a funny thread and throw something in and give a lil back, well I was screamed and sworn at. Even put on a stake like I had done the worst thing in the world, though it was all meant in jest. And all this person had to do was come back at me with something just as, and make it all on me. But hmmmm, I guess that can't go both ways. Too bad really, as it shows how it is to go with someone in my eyes. If you dish it, you better be able to take it. That is my theory. And when it comes to this lifestyle, there is a lot of dishing going on... and we all should be able to make lite of a lot of things...... especially if I get called things by someone who is not gay enough to get near that name. And in some circles, would be hung and tried for a word like that coming out of their mouth if not being one. Funny how that is really, why is that. That goes for ethnic people as well, even people of religion. It goes for this kind of naming all over the world, yet humor can't play a part in it when it is dished out. Gawd forbid you call a cop a pig or rotten baccon, one might get thrown in jail for verbal abuse. Or worse.

Yes, this has been worked out. But it is still sore on me in my own heart, as I never did anything wrong... just worded something the wrong way. And oooops, took something without saying something about it when maybe I should have.
I don't regret one bit spending my weekend with all those beautiful women of all sexual genders and types and choices. Woo hoo for them and myself, I had a most wonderful time. I look forward to the next time, and hope my experience is not only just as but better. *Look for next posting on how great it was*. But I should not be condemed for trying to go along with a threads common topic of choice, nor for trying to make a joke with someone. And maybe some people out there (not the person in question I might say pls) should take a look at themselves and just laugh and fuckin lighten up, as this life is not so friggen serious..... we are a bit to uptight these days. I have learned to, otherwise I would not have taken that name called so lightly.

Maybe I am becoming a Dyke... is that so bad... hell... they are great people... less drama.

Women & The Weekend

2009-05-13T17:24:00.000-07:00

I'm catching up with myself.... I think.

I met some wonderful women this past weekend. There is so much I could say about so many of them, but I don't think there is enough room on here to keep going on and on..... But I would love to say that they all made an impression on me, and I will remember everyone of them for a very long time (if not for ever). I love women, always have and always will. It is not just the fact that they are women, as yes I am very much attracted to the female sex. Maybe even more so than the male, even though it seems it takes a man to Dom me..... But women have a softness to them. Their lips, their hips, their thighs and their eyes. Just being drawn to them is like a drug, and watching them just walking can get me going. Caressing the right woman can make me so happy, and when attracted to that one........... wow.
I had the perfectly filled weekend full of Women of all types. It wasn't just the fact that they were women that attracted me to those that I magnetite to, but it was their charisma and inner beauty that stuck out more than anything. Many of them came out of their shells this past weekend, which was just wonderful for many to see - not just to them in their lives. There is a piece of art when one sees someone enjoying them self with our worrying about what is going to be said, or caring who is going to see it. It brings out the real person from the inside, and then you meet the "who" that you are attracted to.... the one that makes that person tick. Some are stronger than others, but some just shine all that more, and some just relax around such a welcoming atmosphere. Now that is what attracts me, plus all those females. Nummy!

Now some people that know me would be wondering what is going on with me. Lil D is into men as well, why is she going to an all women's event. Yes, I love men as well. Men do find something inside of me that sometimes isn't always brought out by a woman, and can only be controlled by the male gender. Not sure why, but that is just how it is. My first sexual experiences were with women, and I still have those branded in my memory. Those experiences brought out something in me, and showed something about me that I don't think I would know now if it did not come into fruition. I wouldn't be who I am without those, and I would be repressed into a closet I am certain. My first experience with a man, well, is not as memorable as I would hope. I hate to say it, I don't recall it like I should. That is how great that was, and I don't ever want that repeated. No, it wasn't pervy in any way. It was rather plain jane, and nothing added to it to make it worth my while really. Nothing against all those guys out there, but sheesh.... really... come on now. At least you all could do is pretend your blind, feel your way around a girl.... that just might work. It is what you feel back that you get your reactions, not just a 'wam, bam, thank you mam' thingy. Gross. No thank you, I don't want that again... never. No more missionary for this girl, no more nilla again.
But what is kinky for one person... can actually be that other person's nilla. Has anyone ever thought of that one. Something to ponder maybe in that next thread, and maybe not bicker over who's dinky is bigger. But then fighting over drama, and who is right, and who can out who, and all that other friggen mess..... well, I am starting to guess that is the norm for the rest of the kink world. Hmmmmmm
Maybe that is why I have so much fun with the queer community. They tend to keep shit to themselves, less drama, and they don't take all that shit to community boards...... they deal with it in private. Of all the 200+ women I was around this past 4 days, I ran into barely anything for drama or bickering. Now that is something for the books. Something I think this area could take a lesson from. Even when a good half of them are "mooning", and some even have a lump on their shoulder. But all is kept away from this public life, why ruin someone else's playground..... keep it to yourself. Etiquette.

Almost Too Tired......

2009-05-13T01:56:00.000-07:00

I had such a blast at Mayhem. I am so fucking tired from this last weekend, that I can barely move. Though I think I will blaim that all on the couple of hours of straight dancing on Sunday night, non stop. But I had a bucket full of motivation all over the place, and I am not talking the drinks either.... well not the liquid type. wink

For an all girl weekend there was only two guys there. hahahahahahaha. Both wonderful men, yes. But I was hoping we would have a chance to tie them up and beat them for their appearence at this event (of course at the end of it when it was all over pretty much), don't ya think? hmmmmm. Ok, maybe not.... too cute to beat. Donators as well, can't hurt them.

I am full of energy. I am so tired I will never catch up on my sleep. I am so sore I can't move. I am still on a buzz from whipping someone's ass all weekend. I am high from the energy I absorbed from all over. I have a sore face from the smile that I couldn't wipe off. And I am so fucking happy and filled with warmth from all the great people I met and met-up from days before. I couldn't ask for more..... cept another great weekend like that again.

I missed a few great women that were to be there.... you were greatly missed, and thought of by many. Huggers, we understand why you couldn't make it. Muah!

My pillow calls to me again. I think I will go to it, and rest some more...... Wooo hooooooo! Thank you Mayhem for the most wonderful time I have had in a year. Perfectly Pervy! Now to plan for the next pervy weekend event............................... hmmmmm and how to get there.

Sex Worker Outed, Why Even Sex Workers Don't Report Assaults to the Police....

2009-05-07T14:12:00.000-07:00

There is so much chat around many boards about. I am going to say a few things, then post something that is quite disturbing to viewers. ....

No one has the right to out anyone for any reason of any kind. I don't care who the heck you think you are, or what purpose you think this is for.... you have no right to out anyone. There have been many friends of mine that have been outed over the years, and this has done them great harm. They have lost their job due to a particular person going to their employer, or they have family now cutting them off. There are so many ramifications to what a few words can do, even saying what a real name is on a board that you think is only being read by "lifestyler's", can out someone. I certainly would not do this to anyone, as I wouldn't want it done to myself. The old saying..... "do unto others as you want them to do unto you". Now you yourself may be out, but that doesn't account for all of the pervy public out there. So it certainly does not give you the right, even if you are out there, to out any one else.

Karma people!!!!!! It does come back around to you, even if you don't believe in it.

Now, to what I read today......

This is in a newspaper down in the south east. All about someone being outed, but also why sex workers don't report assaults to the police. Even the police don't care, or are part of it. Sad, but true. And again, another bad case of a reporter writing something in a wrong statement of cases. Putting something out there they shouldn't have, outed someone they shouldn't have, and put a story quite literally out of context. Ouch! Not kewl, not right, and that reporter should be out of a job.... including many others. But sadly, this will never happen.

Here is the link. Make up your own minds.

http://www.projo.com/ri/northprovidence/content/providence_robbery_5_05-05-09_V1E8TES_v74.393f668.html

Hopefully you all can go about to happy perving privately. In your lives we all live in our own lil bubbles, but it only takes one person with a pin to pop it. Who that person is, who knows, but how we protect ourselves is another. It is about time we do something about these people that "out" us, don't ya think?

Who the frig does the "B" think she is.......

2009-04-29T13:38:00.000-07:00

I find it rather disturbing that a cerrtain someone in this so called vancouver "community" thinks that she has the right to decide what people can post and say in any group. Especially when she herself is a bully to so many others, and goes around hurting people in as many ways as she can. she states about how a good person goes into a group to post negative posts, and is mad about it and wants Him removed from fetlife..... I think this BITCH should go and read some of the posts that she has posted in the past, particularily in the recent. Actually going out of her way to hijack posts to her amusement with another lil "cunt", making so no one looks good no matter what is said there. Harrassing everyone they can that might have even one word against what they say, but even going out of their way just to start a fight.
But even more obserd....... these two lil childish things.... start their own lil thread talking about what they are doing. Does this negate good behavour? Does this not look like they should be booted from fetlife? I would think so. Their own behavour shows who they are and what they are up to.... and that they have no grounds for what they are thinking they can do with the moderators. If the moderators have any brains, they would ignore this Bitch, and boot her out for her activities.... she has been booted before - and she should not have been let back in. she has dragged her same shit from another online place to this one, which was to be a most wonderful place... and turned it into a mudpuddle that no one wants to be a part of any more. sad... And no one wants to be a part of Vancouver either, that should say something right there. Kick that "thing" out of dodge.

2009-04-25T22:59:00.001-07:00

2009-04-21T01:04:00.001-07:00

Can we devide this community any more than some people already have? It looks like there are ways, by the way i am looking at it. Sadly.

One doesn't have to go out to China Town and buy one of those absolutely gorgeous dividers in that perfect lil shop that i love to go to... you know, the ones with the beautiful paintings on them. They fold up into one piece, but are three wall pieces when pulled out to view and use for purpose.

Most use them to hide unsightly objects in their house. Or you can even use them to hide a bed in a bachelor appartment, to which is a great way to make a whole other room in those situations.... even if there is more than one room already..... *thinking kinky here*. And think of all those designs one can cum up with to actually paint on the canvas, if you get them blank. hmmmmmm. Yes there is a better way to do things, ways to put smiles on faces.

Or there is always the beaded curtain way. i am sure everyone remembers when they came out, ok at least anyone over the age of 35. Now with those there is a bit of an air of mystery still, as you can see some things on the other side... depending on the cutain and how think is it of course. And curtains today even have their own design on them, some that would put your favorite painting to shame. i have looked at a few of these, and even pondered how a couple would work in my own house. Yes, there is a way to devide in a sixties way. i am just a beatnik, i don't feel ashamed about it at all.

Though some people actually use furnature as a devider. Now this takes tact and art to pull this off, and of course the right pieces to do this with. You can't just take your regular old lazy-boy and expect this to make that oh so wonderful looking wall between the family room and dinning room, especially if there is over 12 feet of space between walls. Where are the subby stools, and where does one place there wine glass? Ok, the glass of a Dom. *pffft*

Then i think of those stupid looking shrubbery thingys that people think look great between their fences and the road and their yard. Half the time they aren't kept up to par, and the rest they just don't fit in with the decore of the yard or house. And if you are really lucky, there is a wasps nest in one for every block. So if you run out of honey for your toast in the morney, just go to your neighbors... they have a fresh supply in their hedge. Just bee careful not to scare the local residence, you might get stung. And any kind of reaction can cum out of that, and that is not pretty at all. Wasts swarm, and get you in numbers. lil bugers, and if you destroy one nest... they are making a new one 15 feet away from the old one. Smart too. Just in the sence of survival.

Me, i would like to have flowers and and ocean. i know the only thing possible is the flowers all around, with a few cute lil trees. i'll transplant some of those choke berries around my yard from all those shoots, and i have a few extra salmon berry trees growing all over here as well...... nummmy jam. woo hoo. Sunflowers everywhere, and corn. Yuppers, they make great dividers. And if i get enough bird feeders out there, i can even help out the lil guys that keep knocking at my door. i am sure they are starving, as they eat that food like it is going out of style... then they each bring 10 of their friends within a week of that. wow. Love the birdies, hate that fucking squirl that ate up one of my birdie feeders though. He is going to get it, throw berries at him.

So why can't everyone and everything just get along? Why does everyone have to take over everything, and make sure that even the lonely lil flower at the back of a yard is starved for light.... just so they can get ahead in life and make themselves look and feel better..... i used to think i knew why. i don't any more. i have given up on trying to figure that out, and on trying think that anyone around will care. Because what would seem a person that has your interest in heart, or at least they keep telling you they do (that should be a sign, they keep saying it)... well, there is always another story behind the glued together penthouse pages. Yes is did say that. Why fight, when we really don't have to. Why compete when we truly don't have to. We can all get along, do our things and still get it all in, and guess what.... be friends. omg. what a concept. But i guess this is all what is called human nature, which i still (after 5 years of university) don't understand. i should have gone to college, stayed and did a 3rd year of shop... made my own divider...........

2009-04-20T02:58:00.001-07:00

Marylin Monroe - "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control at times and hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best".

This quote was in a lovely bottom's profile somewhere..... and well, it is so true. It took me back a few, and made me remember who i was and why i am who i am. Thank you to that bottom for having this around.... and thank you Marylin, you are sadly missed.

Where is the sanity, where is the pain releaf?

2009-04-09T12:35:00.000-07:00

There are a ton of posts that i have done in Fetlife and haven't moved over to here, and probably will in the next couple of days...... just to make sure that they are here. i think it is a good idea, as it goes to the long story to what is going on now. Silly as they may sound, but tis true.

It is funny how life can deal us with our hurdles that we all have to leap over in order to get to that finish line in each race we have to enter. i certainly have had my fare share of them, and so far have made it over each of those hurdles. It is not like i haven't stumbled over a few of them, even on my face at least once, but i went for each one. But i have been dealt some pretty high ones in the last 8 years, and i think it's about time someone put a spring board in front of them to give me a helping hand..... especially after the news that was given to me a few weeks ago. i have put a smile on my face for the most part through all of this, but my face is to friggen sore and swollen today to even think of a full smile at this point.

The news was that my DDD has spread throughout my jaw and lower face from my left socket... and yes it is in my right socket as i had thought. This explains everything, including why my face hurts all the time and can't get my jaw open as much as i was even a year ago. Sorry guys, no 'Bluemoon Specials' for a while. i have found a brilliant dentist, who has been bending over backwards to help me out... and even in his spare time find a surgeon for me. For once in this whole time, someone actually agrees with me on getting this surgery. WOW. But of course now we know how bad things are, and it just isn't a socket and joint we are looking at. Not sure how i feel about complete lower facial reconstruction at this point, but i know it has to be done to some point. But what i have been going through lately just to sustain me until this all can get dealt with is almost killing me, and i am glad that it seems i am done for now. Having a hole drilled through teeth on both the top and bottom on the right side, then some kind of liquid injected into my jaw to help slow the process of the degeneration, and porcelain to fill it. Kind of like having posts or re bar placed through the teeth through to the jaw bone with an anchor, in the hopes to hopefully keep things in place. Not sure if this is all worth it though, as the pain and swelling is down right terrible. Nothing can describe this, and there is nothing to come close. And of course i am back to square one of not being able to open my jaw enough to get utensils in my mouth, or eat even semi hard foods.

Now i may be a massochist....... but this certainly is not the kind of pain i am wanting or needing. And to top it all off, i am getting anything to help balance this all out...... as a release per say (pain control). i am also thinking i might want to get some photos done, especially with my face in them, prior to any more work being done. Though i do think the next step(s) is the main surgery, and i am not sure what i am going to look like afterwards. i want to remember what i looked like before all this, or rather pre-surgery.... as my lower face and jaw line has changed already.

*one week later*

i think of all the places that i have gone to search for meaning and solice to calm my mind just hasn't worked. All i had to do is see all the discomfort and negativity in people's writing within our community, and it made me more sad than i was. It is almost that there is this whole needing of having to stick someone up on the firepole with the linch mob, just like in the witch trial days.... then if they can drag at least one person down and make them look truly bad, it makes those people look and feel better about themselves. But what i have read in the last couple of days is something that shouldn't even be up there, as these people are not getting the whole facts from the first posting (the original source). And when this happens, you can't even give them the rest of the facts, as they don't care any more. They have what they want to know by then, and that is that. i know all the info they need to know, i was there, they don't have all the truth of what that original post stated. If they knew all the facts of what was going on, then some of them would not post as they were. It may not mean that they would change their oppinion of a person, but maybe of this particular situation. What truly ticks me off about it all, a so-called reporter wrote this original post for the world to read. People get their thoughts from this, and there was only a focuss on one thing.... not about the whole picture of what is going on right now. Focuss on the negativity. Yet again. i was in those hearings, i know what was stated by all parties. This reporter did not go into any of it, and that i do not call reporting. So the person who posts this up in one of our lifestyle groups should have thought about what they were doing as well, if they had that so called intelligence they claim to have. Search out what you are posting to have truth about, not just something you suspect. It creates mobs, sides, and fears in people that not only shouldn't be there, but growth.

Now being a BDSm'r this disappoints me more than most of anything in my life. As most people are thinking that this one person that is fighting for his rights is setting presidence for everyone else, but he isn't. It is everyone that testified, everyone that has words to say there. And then anything that happens afterwards, including cases that are going to follow (as there is another human rights case soon to follow). i enjoy my life as a perv, and hope that eventually i will be back in full swing of things. Not sure when all that will happen, but i know i will. And when that happens, i certainly hope i am not placed at a stake and burned for words i may have said somewhere. i look forward to practicing my life as i have done so far, but in the hopes to do so more freely after all this. Not to have to worry about my job just because i like to be tied up and poked with needles for a rush, as if i was still running 5 miles a day or more. But then i icould be jumping out of a perfectly good airplane, and that is not considered insane nor a cult. i am a Pagan, not a cult. Cults are people who practice a religion or belief to a diety under one roof, which would put even christianity in that catagory. Gathering in a group to do so, and chanting or singing out to this diety. Hmmmmm. Since i am solitary, that would make me a non-cult.

i am a Pagan, and a kinkster. Many pagans are kinky, and vice versa. Would that make us all cult memebers? There is food for thought.

As i sit here thinking about whether or not i am going to go and pick up more icecream to sooth my mouth. i wonder what is next for me, and around that corner of life. i hope i can soon get that couple hundred needles in me soon, as long as my body will let me. That would be the purfect release if anyone asked me, and something worth striving for after these lil surgeries. Would do a body good!!!! Start getting back to my crafties, and sorting the rest of this house out. woohoo. Need to get the rest of furnature here, and in the very near future.... stuff from home town. OMG i need my stuff from home. *sigh* And garden, need to get to that yard out here and plot out the garden. This is going to take me forever at this rate. lmao.

Flickr

2009-03-10T14:30:00.001-07:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

What i desire and need in this next year as it goes by.....

2009-02-17T23:03:00.000-08:00

Another year has gone down for me. As I have been sitting here thinking through the last few weeks wondering what it is that I am wanting out of life, and what it is I am needing…. there is a few things that are truly missing now. Not that I am unhappy with what I have, as I have found a place in my life to keep me grounded and on my way to a more improved situation for myself. Realizing that I can not be placatory to everyone around me, that I actually have to pay more attention to myself and what is happening in my own lil world and how it actually affects me. It is not that I mind helping all those I care for, and then some. It is that I have put so much aside in my own life, I have fallen behind in putting my health and life back together in the last few years. My shirt is going to have to stay on from time to time, and I am going to have to request a shirt be put on my bare back every now and again. Something that I find extremely impossible to do most days, let alone on a bad day when it is needed.

Though as I sit here now, writing this all out, I do comprehend to the fact that there are a few things still missing in my lil life that can and will make me content. That also includes that special person that makes me whole, and it can not be just anyone either. I am missing my beloved pooch, but he is irreplaceable. I have many close friends and people in my life that put many a smile on my face, and even having me laughing til my gut hurts. But it is at the end of the day when I am thinking of whom I have to say goodnight to, and whom I have to look forward to seeing at our next meeting…. the excitement that it all entails.

I, in my life at this time, am not seeking someone who wants to put welts on me everyday. Yes I am a masochist, but I also cherish my body. I am always still needing that endorphin rush, and always will. There are numerous ways to achieve this, not just by blackening my ass.

Over the last couple of months I have truly enjoyed the needle play that has been blessed upon me once again fully in my life. I do look forward to more. The signal tail will always be a part of me, as will a select few impact implements. I’ve realized how much I miss rope play and bondage, and just plain being Domed in all the right ways. Having someone have that control over me, and yes that someone does have to be able to control me.

Leading into that particular thought I did have a moment approximately a month back. Someone had just grabbed the back of my hair, and off I went. It certainly didn’t take much, and it took me back to where I always loved to be – erotocomatoselucidity. Under someone else’s control, space and out there. Within someone’s head and world, and them within mine.

I need having that girlfriend in my life. Not just the one that I can have that intimacy with, as yes that is something that is important to me. A lady that is the one who is my friend as well; someone I can hang with, and as well interact with. I just need that “girl time,” whether just a friend or a girl friend.

I am going to surround myself with a positive atmosphere. Negative people be ware, I am going to be spending less time with you. It’s not that I like you any less, I am trying to heal and get my body in a more preferable state is all. My health is going to become one of the number one things at the top of my list, and a few of the obstacles getting in part of the way is part negativity surrounding me. If something frustrates me, I am going to deal with it then walk away…. and go on with life from there. If there is a fare amount of drama coming from anywhere and it isn’t a play or television show, I’m hanging up and walking away.

For those friends out there that are ever so close to me you are always a part of me. I will accept you in my life no matter what, even in the rough times. That is what we are there for, no holds barred.

There are some wonderful men out there that make excellent Doms/Masters. I know this, as not only have I met them I have been with a couple of them. There will be the day when one will knock on my door, and hopefully Wwe both will be in the right time and space in our lives that just maybe a relationship is what Wwe both are seeking out. Not only will I accept this person with all their lil faults, but it will go both ways. There will be understanding on how Wwe live our lives, and how some times life can get away from us and Wwe get just a mite busy. I wouldn’t expect His hand to be at the back of my hair 24/7, as I do believe He wouldn’t presume that I could be at His feet all day long as well. Though for Him to have thought of me at least once a day is always a delightful introspect. It’s not that we lil ones think about our Doms “all” day long, but They certainly are on our minds for a good portion of it.

This might seem as if I am in a dreamscape. That just maybe I may never find the one who enjoys a fare amount of the pervs as I do, or at least let’s me explore a few of them as I would bend a few edges for them. I don’t assume that this is a tall order to ask of anyone out there, it is only a request and not a demand. I want to serve for some one, this is my true desire of all. And along side that I have a few kinks that make me tick, and I only have aspirations that some Master out there will be more than willing to allow me to do what I not only do best…. but desire.

So I sit here pondering my precepts wondering what all exactly I am wanting out of life…. especially for the what I have time for. I still am getting ready to finish re-certifying, and then going for the other big “ticket” when I am done my dissertation. That I am sure will take another couple of years, but I am fully prepared for that. I’ve actually stuck my head in a philosophy book to take a break from it, as nutrients and biology is running my life in more ways than I care at this point enough I need to take a step back from the pages and exams. I should actually pick up a joke book, it might give me a different perspective on things floating around me. lol. Though I did sit and read part of a truly good one of a friend of mine’s that had me in stitches the other day on bed time stories, Politically Correct Ones at that. Now that is something I recommend to anyone who needs to look at life from a different angle, and trust me it will put you there. I suggest all politicians should actually read it, it might get some of our world wide problems solved just a tad faster then what we are facing today down the scope of a rifle or on the ticker tape floor.

Tomorrow I think I am going to make confetti out of all my bills. The best solution I heard to anything, and if they want payment they have to put together the pages first. Puzzles, yes that is what everything should be for those big-wigs when they demand things form the lil guy. I might even try to make an oath of note to throw any more creamers for a whole year, but not sure what I would sweat upon…… BDsm 101? And since I dusted and did all my laundry today, and the dishes are all done, and I am not going to get into any other type of house work, I will not make my bed for a change when I wake in the morning just to be slightly rebellious and just to show the world that I know I am not perfect… thought I might have to be tied down to keep me from doing that last one. I am going to eat something different this week, as long as I can get in some suzzi. And I am going to go and listen to some blues on Thursday, that is my only request for that day. Tomorrow is so friggen busy I won’t know which end is up til approximately 4pm in the afternoon, and after that I will probably rest for the rest of the week and Rascals. I might even steal someone’s tub for a couple of hours, though I will probably ask them first…. I am so not that type of person. And when Sunday rolls around, I will breath. Do my best not to throw that creamer, and have as many laughs as I can. woo hoo.

To the next coming year! OMG, life seems to slip between our fingers without us even knowing it. One day I will catch it, and tell it a story. Tell life what all I have done, and what I really want to do….. my bucket list.

Tri-City Brunch!! This Sunday - Feb 22.

2009-02-16T17:46:00.000-08:00

Greetings Fellow Kinksters & Munchie's,

Yes, there is a Tri-City Brunch in our future... this Sunday after that wonderful Rascals party. Yipeeee! And we just had a Valentines to-boot, for those romantics. i am looking forward to this months events, at least all the ones that i can certainly attend. And fooooooooood.

It is the 'monthly' (The last Sunday of EVERY month)Tri City Brunch held at the John B Pub. Excellent food, wonderful people, awsome service, cute too, and just a wonderful day to be.
Here is the food information for the Tri City Brunch

There is a huge spread of food for pretty munch everyone's tastes out there. From Dim Sum to Poached Eggs, Waffles with Whipped Cream, and i do believe there is even some meat for the side and baccon and sasauge, perogies to go with for the Europian. There is several salads, and fresh veggies for the munchies. And if you are looking for desserts, from 10 or so different kinds of cheese cakes to peacan pie and cocoa mouse. In other words, more dessert than one can handle. Pluss fruit as as well, to balance this all out. Pure Nummmyness. i will have pics soon for Eeveryone to see, camera probs. But there are a few people out there from the last few brunches that can attest to the wonderful food there is to offer. It is worth the cost. And you can order from the menue after 12:30 pm. if the buffet is not for you.
Tri City Sunday Brunch !

Sunday, February 22th, 2009
11:30am to 1:30pm or so (til late afternoon)
John B Pub 1000 Austin Ave. @ Blue Mountain Coquitlam, BC. !
Wwe sit up top on the back side of the fireplace, against the window wall to the right left if facing out of the bookshelf. look to Yyour right when walking in, and Yyou should see Uus in the distance. Making a Teddy Bear of some kind for identification If not, pls ask a server. *Again pls try to inform or email me if Yyou can, as i can have enough seeting for Aall.
Please email me here or @ TriCityMunch@msn.com

Hope to see Yyou there. Have a great week and weekend Kinsters.

Kinky Regards BB lil d

*PS**
Next Brunch is: Sunday March 29th 2009.
The Next Tri- City Munch is Wed. Oct. 29th, 2008

A Year In Passing... and those who are now gone.

2009-02-14T19:21:00.000-08:00

One year ago today was not one of the better days in my life. Though i have had a few days where i have lost those who meant something more to me than any word can describe, and life seems just a lil harder to bare for a while........ But that day last year was probably one of the worst i think i ever had to face, and i truly hope i never have to again in my life - nor anyone else for that matter.

Though sadly there are a few people out there that are in my dear friends of a circle who are going through a tough time in loss. i am there for them, as i have gone through something rather rough and tumble and know how they feel. It is one thing to lose that lil loved one of a "kid"/pet/budy/life, it is another to have that truly special one ripped away from you for reasons that just don't add up.

For those that i am dear and close to... including stevie's girlfriend's mom... hugs to you all. i feel your pain, and i am there for you. And for that i am going to post again what i posted last year, and it seemed to make me feel just that lil grain of sand better. i hope it brings a lil bright hope to you as well, and maybe some warmth in your heart.

Love, hugs, and BB to you

lil d

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 2008

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called the Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies, that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to the Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There are plenty of food, water, and sunshine. and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who have been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of the days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing - they each miss someone very special to them who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks up into the distance. His bright eyes are intent, his eager body begins to quiver.

Suddenly he begins to run from the group. Flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kissed rain upon your face, your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent in your heart.

Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together.............

Author unknown

***

Many thoughts come to mind in this time. Everything from anger, all the way down to depression and an emptiness or loneliness in most cases. But as I sit here reading over those very comforting words, that truly fit in any circumstance, I am reminded of many teachings. Listening to the Hindu and Budha way of thinking and living is that when one shows sorrow towards the departing, their souls stay with us and don't pass on to the next life. But I do also believe that it is us we who are most saddened by any one thing or person passing on, as it is us who have suffered the loss. The one who has passed on is in a greater place, and looking on us.... guiding us.

I have every right to be pissed though. This is no time to just say hay, poo happens. I'm sorry, there is no reason why all this should have happened and in such a short time in this way. Though I understand full well that getting angry isn't going to get me any where, and what am I going to get angry at. I know where I would like to direct it, and people and our environment and what we put in it and our food is a good start. But for now I am just going to 'be', and get through the next couple weeks. Try not to focus on what is not around any more, and the silence.

This is a good time to find my music again.... don't ya think.

Hmmmmm, Should i, or should it just be.

2009-01-17T23:52:00.000-08:00

On Monday this past week i was fully prepared to come home after my day and completely barf in my blog(s). i had one of those days that just got to me, everything that has been going on in my life for the last 7 years has just piled on way too much by that day. Thinking just when i was having a great time so far this year, needle play and all.... then the hammer hit. Though there was a 10% positive in it, it was still overshadowed. i thought to myself i would let the week go by and see how i feel from here. So i have, and i think i am still going to ponder on all of this yet. i have read a few blogs on some wonderful friends of mine, and how they chat openly of how what may be happening in their lives health wise can be affecting them and those around them. It is a good read yes, and sometimes extremely positive in its own rite. But then there are those times i just want to hug that person and cry, as i can feel that pain and the healer in me just wants to make all that disapear. With all this thinking going on in my lil head, it makes me wonder if i should spill how i feel and what all is going on with me. Maybe some people would understand what is going on, why i am not always "out" there, why i may not feel all that well all the time, why i am not always my happy-go-lucky self as much these days, and maybe just so tired all the darn time. Would it solve how people react around me, or would it make things worse off. Would it stop all the questions, or would they ask more. Or would there be pitty, something i really do not want. Just understanding...... and maybe that surgery that i have needed for so long that has helped with all those other complications that make my life wonderful.

Now don't get me wrong.... i love my life. i love who i am, and who i have become over the years. And i am truly loving who am becoming, and i look forward to that wonderful road ahead.... i actually can't wait to see where i am going from here - health aside from it all. As all that poo is a moot point in most of my living being really, i can look beyond most of it and just be me. It is just those days that i have a bad day now and then, and just don't feel like being me. lol. Funny though, as i am typing this i am smiling. It is ironic all that i have learned over these past 7 years, and what i will learn. All of this i can pass on to someone else, and maybe hopefully more than just one. As with my life i can take what i am going through and turn it into a kinky life, and also how to live with it in that kinky life... how to deal with certain situations and just maybe how to get past some situations. And if not, how to cry through it all and then get up and put a smile on that face and move on to the next day.
i am one of those people that dances like no one is watching. Live life like this may be your last day. And by all means.... look at your friends around you, as those are your family as well... not just blood. Treat everyone as you want to be treated, it all comes back on you.... even those lil creatures in the trees.

So after a few days of frustrating times with bad corks doing wine..... i am now going to take a long breath, then a hot shower. Eat some icecream... not only for comfort, but to keep the face down from swelling as i do have a migraine now. grrr. But i am still smiling, as i am alive and have many friends that i can call my family. Then i am going to meditate off to sleep into my dream land, to which most people could not even fathom.i look forward to tomorrow. Sushi dinner with people i adore and love, and discuss some wonderful things to come. And just maybe, it will be just as sunny as it was today around my house. Oh yes.... hug my poor lil roomy that has a migraine as well... poor thing. She looks so cute in pink jammies. shhh i didn't say that out loud.
Nite all.BB

Cont... What a Happy New Years Indeed 2009

2009-01-06T11:43:00.000-08:00

.........So it seems that the lil birdies have followed me to my new home. Strange, but true. i was at the old place yesterday, and there is not a bird around... not ever a track. But there were over 10 of the lil guys in the tree just outside of my back deck off the kitchen, and that i find rather interesting and warming. So do i not only have the one lil guy knocking at my front door, they know how to find me in the house as well. Rather cute..... but wondering if i should be disturbed. hmmmmm. Alfred Hitchcock comes to mind here, but with smaller dudes. lol. So when out shopping yesterday for a few things for myself and the house.... and a dear friend here... i picked up a lil feeder and some food. They didn't have the food i would normally get (grrrrr), but i picked up some finch food which will suffice for now until i can find the truly good stuff they love. It has cracked corn and sunflower seeds in it, not just the lil wee stuff in it. Then i spent a good half hour setting up the lil feeder and making sure if will withstand a good mighty wind here, and filled it almost to the brim. So my next task is to finally get out there and shovel off that lil back deck (and the lift for Zepher) in the rain, and get the feeder up. They tore through the bread crumbs and tiny corn crumbs i put our yesterday just on the ledge, so i imagine they will get through this batch fairly fast. Hungry lil guys, with no food source out there.

To top off yesterdays events..... earlier in the day i finally seen the coyote that has been roaming around the neighborhood and making tracks even in my yard. i know for a fact he is having problems finding food around here, but at least he doesn't look mange yet... that is slightly comforting. i am not about to feed him, that would involve finding mice..... i like those lil guys way too much for that task. i love all those lil creatures out there, even the coyotes, but sheesh.... i will go only so far. Maybe he will find a squirrel or two before i plant for the summer season, and my sunflowers come into bloom. Ok, not that i am wishing harm.... but it is nature - and i have to think of my nuts and seeds too. blush

Yes it is a new year......... Now if i can only find someone to get rid of this snow and the tree barf i still have around here....... any volunteers?

What a very Happy New Years indeed...... (from Fetlife Jan.2,2009)

2009-01-04T21:09:00.000-08:00

Jan. 2, 2009

To start off this most pleasurable 2009........

More poky things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The most beautiful corset i could ever have received for a prezzie. OMGoodness. And NUMMY! 24 perfect poky things, to hold together a sweet red elastic red ribbon.........just the way to ring in a new year. Send out the old, to which in some ways to a few i know was not always the best, including myself (as losing a dear one to my own heart).... though it also had some very wonderful times as well - some i will carry with me for the rest of my life and the people who took me there and/or shared those with me. Of course after the attachment of the corset about an hour later (not sure of the time.. a lil floaty) Wwe played. Canes of course. lol. No part left off course, and yes those lil poky things got er too. Pure bliss by the end of it all, and i am still smiling. Can't wait to show the pics.

i think i am good for a bit. It's like a fine choco....... have a really delightful one that melts in your mouth just that way, and all the rest pail in comparison for a while after. i do believe this is going to be it for the time being, and that is just fine with me. Thank You Lord Braven for such a Nummy Prezzie! Muah! So i am typing now, while this is all still hot in my lil head and i am just right..... and then off to dream land i will go. Tomorrow i will finish this lil account of all that has happened over the last lil while into this past 24 hours, and post it in my blog. And i think that will be the end to my 2008 year of "stuff".

Til then.......

Happy New Year to Aall of Yyou that have made my life so abound with life and beauty. Full of perviness in so many ways; either personally, or just being Yyou around me - Thank Yyou. Happy Yule to Eeveryone out there.... may the year bring exciting and great things to Yyou all around.

There are so many people i would love to mention that have made this last year just purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect and perfectly pervy for me... i really wouldn't know where to start...but there are a few i can not miss. And if i didn't mention Yyou in name, that doesn't mean i don't appreciate Yyou for all that Yyou have done or been..... it is just that i have such a long list in my head.... and i am still not quite on the ground from earlier either. Give me a few days, and i am sure i will get to Yyou at some point. but huggers and smooches.... wgem... thanx for being you and so generous with all that you do for everyone out there. you rock!!!! JohnBaku... thanx for starting this great lil comunity..... You rock and You know it!!! i have said that to You before, and will always say it again. Huugers to You and Your girl, and Happy New Years. s.h. ..... or rather mr. h. ...... double thanx for just being you and for being there when i needed you the most. Not only are you a great friend, you are a great gf, ff, bf, df (when i really need that one - and gawd are you good at that! it's all in the eyes), and even a mf when i feel a lil sadistic on that rare bmoon occasion. Yes it is a time for you now, but it will get better..... i know this. See you on the flip side..... and don't forget the sushi and saki and maybe some vino and a movie for a cuddle, just because that's what friends do. J.W. aka BM ...... Thank You for those wonderful times this past summer. Very needed, yes...... especially after that non-stop party trip i took. Something i will never forget, and i am sure will never be matched. The sun, the surf, the fire.............the memories will always be there. Thank you L.T. you have always been a great friend. No matter how many hickies between the tits i can give to you in public through the years, and how many times that story gets told... you still love me for it. "grins". Not a Dom... er days goes by that i don't have a fond memory of you when i look back to when Wwe were finally formally introduced instead of the "hello's" in passing or online chit, and just knowing who Wwe each were..... and how you were so there for me this last year when my closest friend passed on me. Between you and indi, i don't know who held me up more. Hugs and tons of lovies. You rock!!!!! indi..... though i know you won't be in here to read this.... you fucking rock sis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you have been there for me in so many ways, i can't even count. And now even my best friends girl friend has now gone to join him in "summerland", and in the same year.... i don't know how i can even begin to be there for you as you were there for me in the same situation, and hug you just as hard and hold you up. A crappy start to a year, to end in such a crappy way. sucks. Those lil souls went in two different ways, but it never seems to change the hurt. Happy-go-lil-buggers they were...... Here is to them! But most of all... here is to you... my best friend!

k. on that note. i am going to sign off. Get my happy back before i crawl off to sleep, maybe have a glass of vino or something.... boo at some pics. Who knows. Remember all those other people that made my year here and there..... grab a tissue first.

Huggers to Yyou all. Happy New Years! Happy Yule!!!!! Luv ya!

ps....

my roomies..... up and down... Thank Yyou!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not only have Yyou made this move fun, but worth it. i love my house, though yes it does have a quirk or two, but i am glad i went for this one and said yes to it. Tree barf and all. i am sure i will get over the tree barf over the years, and even the snow plows not liking me. And once i finish fixing it up a lil more, i will love it even more. But i do love Yyou all, and that is what matters. Thank Yyou all for moving in this lil place with me. Huggers to Yyou especially for this.

Poky Things from Santa, and tree barf for the coal. (from Fetlife)

2009-01-04T21:03:00.000-08:00

Dec 27, 2008

Finally got my poky things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am a happy girl finally. i am going to keep this short, and very sweet as i can... with a sour note on the end. Yes i did get my poky things, and i got them good. With the VW added to the mix, and making me jump a few times...... don't need to do any sit-ups for a few days to work off that choco that i ate making the ginger bread house during the snowed in day. lol. shhhhh.

But sadly after coming home from a most pleasurable couple of days...... i have not only a ton of more snow to deal with, and getting plowed in for the umpteenth time..... i have tree barf not only on the side of the house, on the deck, on the shed (to which needs a new roof..grrr), and on the other side of the house (which is not in a danger zone). All this has to be removed asap, and no one here to do it. The tree dude was to show up today, and his car was stuck. i re-arranged my day for him, and he is a no show. Frig me, so now i have tomorrow to deal with this. And on top of that, stormy weather again on the way. pfffft. Needing two trees down for sure. Knew that months ago, but couldn't do anything about it at that time. Thought i could get away with a few branches after the holidays. Boy was i wrong. lol

poor critters that use those trees. i feel for them. oh ya.... i almost forgot. i think a bird followed me from the old house. Not kidding. i have birdie tracks at my front door, and no where else in this whole yard. It was like he was knocking on my door, and wanting food that i haven't put out for him in the old yard. Crazy dude. Need a feeder now as well, never ends in that part. lol. Silly bird, knocking is for people.

Happy Yule. Happy New Years (if one celebrates that)

See everyone soon i hope..... poo on me missing that big party.... had to shovel snow off the deck, and deal with tree barf. grrrrrrrrr. i am going to go so wild at the next one, they will tie me down and not let me play. :|

Too busy for poky things.... i think not!

2008-12-19T11:30:00.000-08:00

i actually have a lil bit of time to myself today to just be. WOW.
ok... so it isn't a whole lot of time. Just a few minutes that is, but it is time. Peeling my eyes from reading a ton of gov info pages this morning, as i fell asleep reading it as well. Tired lil eyes. Going to go and meet a friend to pick up puter parts for roomy, maybe grab a java i haven't had for a couple of days....

And since my body now hurts from shoveling all night (or at least it felt like that) and maybe get in a lil bit of rest and relaxation today... though i doubt i will. Have to de-gas the vino at some point, and should get to that today as well (that will take a couple days, and will be going back and forth to do that..grrr).
And now all i truly want to do is spend some well needed time with friends i haven't had the time to with lately. Missin them all, greatly. Been extremely too busy with the move, and now winterizing the house and getting everything fixed (which all is not done). And still searching for poky things, to which i now think is a total myth. lol. Someone lied to me out there, i just know it.... and what ever i did as a young youth and adult was imagined. Must have been the lsd or something, who knows... but it wasn't real....... cause i certainly haven't seen any poky things yet. And i have searched, high and low... and non to be found. Thought i had seen some last week, even one... but couldn't catch it in time. Sadly, it was gone before i could get the trap out. Poof! Next thing i knew the girl had her shirt on, and all "alleged" poky things were going down the stairs in a box. *pout*. *sigh*. Oh well. Till we meet again poky things.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
i did get a new toy::D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Grins. hehehehehe.
Going to have to have a naming contest. i am not sure what to call this one, as it is just sooooooooooooooooooooo pretty. Now just to break it in, hehehehehehhe. Goes well with those wonderful lil palm floggers i made a few months back, though two totally different devices. But what a pair if incorporated in the same session, or even just one.... hehehehe. Ok, i better get my mind off my new toy.

Well, off to the shower to get soapy clean. Not my usual time, no. But i am. And then off to get electronics, and a java.... maybe with coco. hmmmm. another busy day for moi today. Never stops these days. i am looking forward to not doing a thing for a whole day, and it not being controlled by a migraine for that to happen. Hmmmmm, Sunday and drunken decorating at a friends... oh wait, that is doing something isn't it.
Wonder if i can get poky things before the licker oooops booze comes in play............

Lovely Snow and Winter Time Perviness?

2008-12-15T22:08:00.000-08:00

Winterizing the yard and house...... oh what joy so go tell it on the mountain.

Well thank gawd the composter is here now. Just as i finnish the old yard last week, the ikky snow showed it's beautiful face and befelled a could inches on us. To which though quickly disappeared within the rain that followed, and didn't go away for a while. Then as we get out nice lil dusting of dry stuff, which is extremely more welcoming that the last example we had, i managed to get the compoaster in it's wonderful lil spot right on that first layer of pretty snow. Finally somewhere to make my wonder garden food. woo hoo. Now just have to find the time to finish the trimming and racking, but the driveway is so done. And the rest of the house is coming along finally as well, slow but true.

Now if i could finnish unpacking!!! And find the rest of my dishes, that would be a true blessing in disguise. Think i can follow that yellow brick road, just need that friggen flying carpet to go with it.

Pervy times will be here again.

Poky things.... wondering where those poky things are. *sigh*.

So i managed not to get surgery on my poor lil grey eye. Tis a good thing in one way, then not so great in another. i will reserve my opinion in a few more months when it heals, or up to six as the specialist said. It is not like i need to see properly, nor do i have to worry when i need to re-do the lens' due to a change now. And i can wear my aquas when i need to in the pool......... with numerous drops to take it out.......

So off to the pool finally tomorrow. Rather tired of the weight i put on during this move, and not getting out for walks and the pool all the time as i was. Grrrrrr. i certainly need to get back in my routine, though my walking is going to be different... not sure how i am going to work that one out.

Now only if i could work in those poky things...... hehehehehehe.

i am torn in something.... i am not sure what to do. In one end there is something missing, and i know i deserve more..... i am worth more. But i also have to think of the other end as well.

What will it take to fix this? How long? Is there a right way?

i hope i have the answers soon..... i don't have much time... and this does affect my perfectly pervy life.

Life has a funny way. As my world turns...... soon to tell...

Move-In With lil d's New Toy

2008-12-10T03:01:00.000-08:00

Well is has been a while since being in here. Far to long as some would say, and just been time as others. Wwe all have our lives to live, and some times things take us away from the net and writings that are a lil less important than others. Though there have been many a change since i was last in here typing away, quite a few changes…. i hope i can get them all in in one shot without forgetting and having to cum back and add more later. Though i am sure i will, and that always just adds for more juicy info to read on.

i have moved into my own home!!!!! OMG what a wonderful thing to have happened, and life change. Yes, i have my own place. Though i do have a couple of wonderful roomies with me, this is still me own lil wonderland to live and call my own. It has been far too long that i could call a home my own, let alone have my name on it as well. It is a wonderful, healthy happy lil (big) home. That suites not only myself, but the others that are here with me. And to my surprise, the house that was built into the lower floor is perfect for the person that moved in down there. No it is not a suite, it is a house. Rather gorgeous if you ask me, better at most points then the upper….. but i still like what i have here.
It came with built in lifts for the one main roomy to which this main move was done for. Though i had planned on moving at some point as it was, i was searching just not finding something yet for just me. Not only does it have the lifts, it is set up in many ways for her so she can manage around this home without distress. i found the perfect home for a person with challenges to every day life, though normal in many ways she is. i am privileged to have her here, as she is such a bright spirit to have around… very much like myself… maybe sometimes too much. But i do believe that is why we get along so well, we are much alike.
And the other roomy is a perfect balance for us both. she is great to have around when she is here, and I can’t wait to spend more time with her and have some great times around the house here. she is such a great person, and so caring in many ways… that I know everything is just going to be so wonderful here…. i look forward to a long happy time here. she is so full of light, but yet calming. Just what the doctor ordered.

i am looking forward to my long life here. Never moving again, here to stay.

Now that I am here…… the move was taxing. Stressful, and i even managed to hurt my eye in the process some how. Not even the eye surgeons could figure it out, so off to the specialist 3 weeks later i went. i have a scare on my beautiful grey eye, and i am not happy about it. i have missed out on more pervy parties than i can count, and i haven’t even gotten any real action over all this either. Moving sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But on a good note………. my new toy arrived today!!!!!!!!!!!
Woo Hoo! And is he/she ever beautiful. All shiny and smooth, yet bumpy with a lil color as well. Clear, and just ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. i can’t wait to find the perfect time to break this one in, not sure when, but can’t wait. Been waiting for this one for a while now, now just need the perfect opportunity. HEHEHEHEHEHEHe. *Rubs hands together* i am such a perv. All it needs now is a name…….. i wonder if i should hold a “naming contest”, or just name it myself. Of course if I do the contest, what would i give the winner/weener? That i guess would depend on if it was a Top or a bottom, and exactly what they could get away with….. or should it just be a direct across the board prize. Hmmmm, makes one think.

Well now that it is way past this lil ms’s bed time…. I should hit the shower, and then the bed. Get the well deserved rest, as one does have to get up in the morning for meetings before the day gets away from us… and then there is the Fraser Valley Munch in the eve to attend as well. Last one of the year – 2008!!!!

Nite all.. and the sweetest of wickedly pervy dreams………..

Does Aanyone Do Windows? Or have a Truck....

2008-10-27T11:47:00.000-07:00

i have come to the conclussion how much i truly hate moving. Yes it is the most stressful thing one person can do to their bodies... this has been proven in the medical world. But it is all the other lil stuff that goes around it, including the cleaning... and i will not go into how to pick up the belongings and furniture...Does anyone out there have a truck to pick up a hand made bed for me????????

What i could use, now that i said bye bye to my footboy due to his rather bad tasting "memememememememe" attitude, is someone that doesn't mind doing windows. lol. Yes, windows. There are a few windows to get washed in the new place, most in the celarium, that need to get washed in and out. And i have not had the time to get to them, let alone certain other things that need to get done.......... grrr. Most people say that they don't do windows, i do on normal basis. i just don't have the time, as i am having a rather hard time trying to keep up with anything else. Packing is the worst with all the running around i am having to do, back and forth and all over the place.... and conferences (and i just put one right off this past weekend - bad me, but needed to). The next one, i can not get away with that... and that is the whole first week of Nov, and boy am i going to be tired after all that. Needs my bed before then. lol.

Yup, am i glad this is my last move. Though i will still be going back and forth to Was., have a home in the Cascades at my pa's. But this is it for here, unless i win the lottery and get that nice home on the riviera and in the Baha. woo hoo, surf for breaky. omg that would be the life.
Well off to try and get some more boxes, run around, and numerous other poo i have to get done. Never enough time in the day for moi, and i need more hands that what i have. Medical steps in a few hundred years i think.

Huggers to those who aren't moving.....

*** i just realised... i should probably change my profile in here as well. Completely forgetting with all that is going on in my life, and how busy it has been. WOW. i will get to that in the next lil while, so please bare with me peeps. Yes it still describes whom i am, and the type of person i am... but NO i am not seeking a Dom... and a few other changes are going in there.
i am going to go re-unite with poky things very soon!!! woo hoo. yipeeee. omg. yes!
If it isn't piercings, and yes i am going to get a couple.... and if i don't get anything else, Elwood is going to have way to much fun with me doing more. i am also going to meet up with an old friend - needle play. Been craving that for far too long these past several weeks, and i can't wait any longer. i think it all has to do with regression, and healing me. As some people know what is going on, and that i need some major healing to do.... and i am going to go back to the begining - needle play (yes i did more than that when i was a kid, fire/wax/and a few other things before i hit 10, but the needles are what gave me life).
So poky things here i come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*phone*
Just got off the phone with Elwood... hehehehehehehehe. Ooooooooooh ya. Nummy. Am i ever looking forward to when i see Him, what a treat that will be. Yuppers.
Wwe also had a lil chat about what was said to me yesterday at the Tri-City Brunch:
Someone had mentioned that there might be a bottom out there that just might be a harder player than i am, and can take more pain.... well Elwood piped up - saying that there should be an event to judge that one. With different events, and judges, and who wins wins. And there would even be a wild card event as well, and i am completely with what He is thinking. hahahahahaha. i think Elwood knows me all too well. hmmmm.
Off to day dream about pokey things.......

What is Mensa Sex? Where did those leathers go?

2008-10-20T19:03:00.000-07:00

So i am finally sitting here taking a bit of a break for the day. Something that is well needed, and rather a lil late in the whole week to two weeks going on. Drinking a hot toddy with drunken honey, with lemon tea and drunken honey. Trying very hard not to cough, and feeling how tired i really am........ ok so i ran myself down. Not a good thing, and i will probably get a lil shit from the doc when i see him. And i hope this cold goes away faster then they usually do, as i have way too much to do - with lil help and lil time, and still trying to figure out how to get all the cleaning done when the contractors are done at the new place and over here. Phew. i packed my riding leathers on a sunny day on Saturday.:(( i just hope if i get a call for a ride, i can get them out fast enough. And to top it off - my sister from another twister was having all that fun at the Toy Run in Rupert without me, as i would normally be there helping out every year when i lived there. Made me realize how much i miss that home, especially since a brother just died a month ago. When one loses family such like that, it makes you think about what life was like and what you want out of it.... where will it go. Wishing i was was there to be with his wife, as i know she could use the people around her. They were always there for me, even when running the 1/4 mile in Kitamat.... wish i could be there for her now. Now i really have to think about that road trip, or ferry trip... what ever works best as long as it isn't flying on a plane. :-/Now i am sitting here waiting for chicken dinner with veggies to be done. So i was scrolling through my main home page, and thought i would go and see for a change who was pervin my profile. And one of the Doms that had been there a couple weeks ago had a tag line that rather caught my eye, and then had me thinking just a lil too hard for my brain today....... "Mensa Sex- Into pushing the edge and exploring most fantasies and fetishes." My question is: What the heck is Mensa Sex? Now a mensa can be two things. Either an "Altar Slab/Stone" that has to do with the astronomy of the southern constellation near Octans. Or...... of course as most people would know the most widely know definition, an international fellowship organization for people with IQ's in the top 2 percent of the general population. Now this has got me scratching my lil head here. i can think of a few things done on an altar stone, things i have done myself... shhhhh. But i have not come up with an idea of what an IQ driven human can do with sex, unless they use their smarts to make someone cum. Knowing a few select nerds myself that come up to that category, and maybe in Mensa, i don't think that sex really is something that they equate to a study they would want to conquer. Not unless that is a major, and it will get them further than any other subject. The science of it, or even the equation of how this leg goes that way, and your hand can do this at this angle while your tongue does this... all the while the cum comes at a ratio to the thrust of the source that is equivalent to X+YYx2(68+1)=100xyz. Sorry that just had to be done. And if someone can cum up with the answer to that, have i got a special bonus for Yyou.=D% If anyone out there has this answer for me..... please help me out. Even my lil brain can not cum up with the pervy thought on this one, and why someone would bring Mensa into sex in the first place........ hmmmmm. Back to my cold killing tea. Chicken healthy dinner. Packing and cleaning. Yipeeee..... not.

Tired, house hunting, sickies, to blood let or not to blood let.

2008-10-13T23:47:00.000-07:00

Can house hunting be considered as tourture?i think it should be. i could not count how many homes i booded at, but if i look in my lil book..... way too many. And that is just the ones that i wrote down, not counting the ones that i didn't write the good stuff on.

When looking for suitable homes that are not just for myself.. it can be rather trying. Though when found, exillerating in the end. Especially if it is the perfect one. And signing those lil papers, saying it is yours, almost that lil high one is seeking for on the good days. Now i can't wait to move in, and make it home. Though with all the construction going on downstairs, it will need a lil cleaning and dusting prior.The whole basement is being converted into a two bedroom house. It should look wonderful when it is done, and with it's own fire place as well.... cozy as well. i just hope i can find perv friendly, or pervy, peeps to live there. lol. That can be fun. Crossing the lil fingers.

Now that most of the stress is over.... maybe some of these hives will go away. i look like poo. i won't go into the G.A. patches, too many scares already and now growing more. But i have completely broken out in hives, from what i am not sure. i think i need the tropical holiday, though the sun might prove troublesome. lmao. Just thow me in the blue sea with a surf board, and let me be with the fishies. It is starting to get rather cold here now to be swimming in the ocean, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Not the kind of self mutilation i am looking for these days, especially if i want to keep on breathing.
In the old days if one wasn't feeling well in any form the healers/doctors would 'bleed' the person. This forcing the immune system into action, in the hopes that it would fast track to heal it's own self. Now being of a medical background myself with a fare bit of knowledge, i know this does not work for everything, and the percentages of people that passed from this precedure far out weighed what good came out of it. But when i look at what most of Uus practice in our lil Lifestyle today, and how some of Uus use our own ways to make us feel better..... is this not a form of 'bleeding'.... but with out so much blood letting (unless one is into that sort of practice). This thought actually had me thinking earlier today. i had a docs appointment last week, and he had gotten on my case about how tired i was. In other words - get more rest, because if i don't we all know what happens when i get too tired. Then i get all sicky, and things go down hill from there.... no matter what i do. Though i could some times sleep a min. of 8 hours a night some times, and still need that nappy in the afternoon ( i know of a one person in particular who understands this one), it doesn't matter what one does to try to get that rest - you are still tired. So my thought was if we were to use a form of bleeding, or forcing the immune system into helping itself. After all the reading i have done in the last year, i have a few theories on this one. i know how i feel after even just a good play, and how long that good feeling lasts for. Could this not work in other ways, even if a play was not used... and not having to use bleeding as the resort.?????

Just one of many thoughts in my lil head. Might just have to ask the doc about this one when i am back in his office, won't that one raise his eyebrows. lol. i think the shock factor should be enough to get his own immune system going, then maybe a form to put me in the padded room. lmao. Of course he wouldn't, but he would certainly wonder where my head was going at this point and why. i would point him to my skin doc, then my immunologist, and have a chat with them..... maybe they all could get together and figure it all out. And then i could right a paper on it, and get published, win the pulitzer, make a million and become famous. ok, yes it has been a long week. But it would certainly kick those "book" doctors in the tushka, don't Yya think.......Then Wwe could have Sm as a healing practice. Something of every day life, something that is not looked appon as 'dirty' in a nilla's eyes. i like dirty, but not their kind of dirty. And then "vanilla" would be something of the past, something that would be written in dusty old scrolls burried in the Dead Sea. But best of all........ anyone who is not feeling well - would feel all that much more better. As it would be considered medical practice, and something that one could do without having to worry about persicusion. All those with arthritis unite! All those who's bones ache, get up to the whipping pole! All those with bad immune systems, i have a needle or hundred for you, and then a good whipping! hehehehehehe.

Now i just need to find my own form of bleeding.... And for those who have mooning in Yyour head, please remove it. i am serious here, and dealing with both sexes.

Speaking of sexes..... for those men out there that think most women don't know squawt about construction, or even anything to do with renos on houses...... we are all not like that. For the guy who thought i didn't know about about vapor bariers - you obviously don't know a thing, as you were trying to tell me to make sure that they put that in. And actually breaking it down for me, as if i don't even know what that even is. Ummmmm. They aren't replacing the siding on the house, they are doing the walls on the inside.So please guys, give us women a lil more credit then what some of you do. pffffft.

What part doesn't hurt?

2008-09-25T12:50:00.000-07:00

Finally made it to the pool on this last monday. wow.

Thinking to myself as i am walking to the pool in my neighborhood 'it is about time.' It had been far too long that i had been in the water it seemed, and needed that tranquility..... especially after the day before. There a few things weighing on my mind, and many more taking over my mind yet again. In a way taking it over yet again, or rather a reversal of what i had worked so hard this last month or so to get by.Though as i am still feeling the affects today....... i do believe i pushed myself just a wee bit too hard. On tuesday my legs and arms were quite sore, even a muscles in my right side. And yesterday my thighs still haven't let up, or rather had gotten worse. So walking is a bit of a chore in some ways, and this is not good in my books. i had plans on going back to the pool yesterday........ ummmm, i didn't. i may be a pain slut, but not that much of one. i value my body, and don't want to hurt it a way that would harm it beyond repair again. But then, maybe pushing as hard as i did was a small form of hurting myself, but not so much. i swam about the same amount of hours (2 or so), and probably the same laps, but just harder and faster.... and probably did more of certain strokes than others. Someone stop me now.But i am still wondering what is hurting more this week... from last... my body or my jaw. The icecream companies are making a good buck from me these days. pfffffft.

Speaking of jaw.... i am thinking i might head off to jam on sunday. Not only missin the boys, missin singing as well, music in general. Doubt it very much i will get up and jam, as i am completely out of practice (and rather sore in the face). But it is always great to be with, and just listen in on, maybe make plans to get in on a practice for a change. Been far toooo long. Exercise that jaw. lol. Yes, in other ways than suckin boys/men.

Chores and wine to do this week into weekend..... but then i think i actually might get into some wood work, and leather work for something to do. i have a tad too much molec-bio in my head, and need to get my mind off of it. If anything, i definately will always make the perfectly pervy toys. i do have that lil sadist in me, and can always cum up with ways for us lil ones to be tortured. hehehehehehehehehehehe. shhhhhh. i have some wicked feathers here to work with as well, bought them a year ago and still haven't used them for anything yet.... bad me bad me.

Now that i got my lil mind on all of those wonderful subjective objects.... i'm craving pineapple. i do believe yoko and i will be feasting tonight, lucky bird. Just too bad that the weather is so ill fitting these days, the only walk-a-bout he is getting is in the house. i know he would rather go and check out the yard, and chit chat about what ever is in that lil brain of his about things out side. He is just too cute, and i know one day he will go for one of my earings..... hope it doesn't hurt too much.

Speaking of rings..........my body is in such a state right now, that my last nipple piercing is pushing. Grrrrr. So unless i can get everything mended and level soon, i think i will be losing another one. pffffft. Not kewl. Of course that had to start after sunday, and that is the kick in the butt i don't need. This puts even a bigger pout on this face, really don't want to lose this one..... and over something that has to do with ...............body stress. Ya, that's it.:-/

Where does the time go, where do i go from here......

2008-09-21T22:17:00.000-07:00

Where does it all go... and where do i turn next from this hiatal.

11 years and 3 days have gone by now. Some times it feels like it was just last year, and then it feels like it was so many years ago. Mom's day was on Thursday, and it went by faster than it has in any year prior. i did manage to spend that day with a good friend, which picked up my spirits and put a smile on my face. It definately was a good day to 'be', and i wouldn't have picked another place to be at that time. Though usually i spend it with those few woman friends of mine down at the ocean's edge, flowers in hand, sending out a loving hello to our dearly departeds of that horrendous decease. Then as always, stopping by a tap house and toasting to not only their lives, but our own. Celebrate my mom had said, keep on living for not only me but "yourself". Wise words spoken by a woman who learned to live to late, in an eruditely way that made even myself smile in a hard time. As i sit here trying to forgive those times that i should have sat down with her more often, listened to what she had to say just a tad more, and not run every time we clashed. But wishing in a longing way that i could have shared my life with her, praying that she wouldn't judge who i am and what i may do in life. Wwe all live and learn, some times just a lil late in life.

Of course after i ponder all of this that is weighing on my lil heart...... it makes me think of what is here and now. The last month and a half have not been the best of times, and certainly not something i would want to repeat or wish on anyone. Yes i have had a beautiful time with a few great loving friends, and this has replaced for the most part so dark light in my lil world. But i do realise that i am not going to get out of this shadow any time soon, no matter how adamant i can be.... and i can be fairly stuborn if given half a chance. Today proved my point quite clearly, and even took me back a few steps from where i had actually taken myself to. All it took was a simple lil phrase, even though it was followed by a jokingly undertone, it did it's damage. Now i realise that i can't be within certain situations that could have a effect on myself, and avoiding all that i have has been good idea thus far.

After a few hours of my eyeliner slipping away i sit here in preceptual space. Many a thought has gone through my head, and i am unsure of which one to listen to. i have lost faith in a certain set of 'Things', and not completely sure if i will ever gain that trust back. There have been too many times of being spaded, and now just being left to drown in a off sence has me not wanting anymore. i can't shake this odd and weird feeling that is flowing through my body, and now having gone back in time what is there to gain. As i have sat here staring at my dress kollar in all it's beauty, wondering if ever i will want this or any around my neck again. i peer over to a collection of canes and implements standing up in full glory, do i ever want those to ever kiss me again. Looking up at all the perfectly pervy products laying around this room and hanging on the walls, wondering if ever these will make me tingle just one more time.... instead of producing fear and tear. Will time tell, will being with another mend, will changing who i am be the answer. Makes one think just a tad too much, especially when i should have my face in a manual studying.

i hope the Munch and Brunch to come up put a spring back in my step. i could use the laughter, and definately the comradery. And just hope that there are no words or phrases that put me back in step and time, and all should be just wonderful. And if i all if good (will not use that good *** phrase), i might be able to spend some time with that most blessed friend some time later in the week as well. Get in some cuddles, maybe some sushi, saki and a movie. Now that puts a smile on this lil face, wonders never cease.

Get to the pool tomorrow!!!! i have been so bloomin busy these last couple of weeks, that i have not had the time for a dip. Meditation in a couple hundred lengths is a good way to get rid of stress, and not drown if lucky. Maybe by the time i crawl out of the water i will have everything in perspective, and not feel so negative about certain ways and objects as i do now. As for a certain people, that is different.... not sure where to go there or how to deal with that feeling as of yet. Time, time will tell. They know that.

Shower time..... and hopefully a full nights sleep, and not waking at 6 am.

Busy Times Need Down Times (where's the perv)

2008-09-21T12:32:00.000-07:00

Finally after a very busy few weeks some down time.

The last several weeks seem like to have gone by like a freight train some days. There were some very busy days in there, and not enough just 'being' days in my liking. Lectures almost every week, classes, a few meetings, hunting, being there for good friends (to which i would do any time), life even got in the way somewhere, don't forget a few vampire days.... friggen vamps and docs, and even managed to get in a lil perv. woo hoo.What i didn't manage to get in the last couple of weeks (going on three now, omg) is the pool. Pfffft. There was just not enough time in the day for it, or not enough days in the week..... what ever fits in there better. Maybe i am getting punished for not being pervy enough, though i did get my perv on a few times. i even managed to get sauced a couple of times as well, omg don't mix wine and beer (very slow the next day). This coming from a whiskey girl, gotta love that whiskey.

So now from being too busy and on the go... especially in the last week.... i get to miss a few things in the next couple of days. Now that blows!!!! Missed a great party last night, because i was partying on saturday.... and a few other things were fit in during the day - and i probably shouldn't have. And yesterday was running around booing at houses, all over the place it seemed like, but just too much walkin up hills and what nots i ponder...... just not enough pervin in my books. Now if i was tired from pervin out this weekend, then it would have been worth it to miss the play party last night. Even though i did get my groove and perv on a few days ago (chapter 3 or 4), still trying to keep my body in the kilter from the off kilter it was left in not that long ago. That still doesn't make up for the wonderful pervin and playin that happens at a full on play party, even if it was at a private play party. Then i think about what it is going to be like when it isn't just several lectures a month and a few classes and/or conferences, and i am back full time..... what am i going to do them???? omg:-/

Now that this week is almost over i can look forward to a almost day of rest today. Have some study to do (ok, tons), meet someone later on, maybe get in a swim if i am into it, and get to emails that i have left aside for the whole week it seems. Sorry to those whom i have not gotten back to yet, been busy lil girl here.Think about what is coming ( or rather cumming ) up in the next week. hehehehehehehe. There is a few things i am truly looking forward to, some a tad more than others. Munch if i get back from day trip soon enough, consult, and yes..... hehehehehe... pervy things am most positive. Not only do i enjoy this, but of course it is a necessity. And then, if all goes well, some great times with some most wonderful friends. you know who you are...... i do believe one is in the middle of trying to quite a bad habbit, and i support them all the way. Huggers. Oh yes, get in swims, omg some swims. i feel so at peace in the water, i need to swim.

If i am not getting a whip kissing my lil bottom, i need to get in that water. Just Be.

i wasn't dreaming on photo night.......

2008-09-13T23:58:00.000-07:00

Chapter 1:

The first time started out as a night of just dinner, wine and a light photo session for them........ but it turned into so much more. (this is going to be a good one, i am going to get myself a glass of red to sit and re-enjoy this with Yyou)

That first night started out with the same expectations as anyone would think that one would plan out. Yes i am coming over for dinner and a lil vino or two, and yes i would love to take some photos for you. Actually, it would be my pleasure to take some kinky photos for you. Nothing else is expected in this, just a good giggle between good friends of old and some good vino and food.... oh yes - pervy pics. i am thinking to myself as i am heading over there what a wonderful time this will be, and it will get my mind off of all the ickiness going on with my mind and body right now. These thoughts are actually putting a smile upon my face, and making me feel happy again. Even though at a moment, just a nano second, i thought i was doing something wrong. As if i hadn't ask for permission, and this was all being done behind someone's back. But that thought and feeling only lasted a moment, and i pushed it away.

The wine was perfect! It not only warmed us up, but it made us laugh and make jokes as if life was rolling along in no direction. we remembered a few from our past, and wondered what Oothers were doing now. we talked about the now, and what was happening in our lives. And we talked about the future, and what we looked forward to in the hopes of some sanity for us both in our wild world of kink. And the food was wonderful, it filled our void as we sat and talked. It wasn't as if it was replacing anything, no not at all. But what it did was compliment what the evening was turning into, and made the wine and chat all that better. (sips more wine)

As time wore on it was decided to finally get into photo mode. So my pervy friend got out all their lil outfits and toys and accessories to go with, even a body harness to my delight. There was quite a lot of leather and latex there to be put on, and a fair amount of leather bindings if one was to get right into it. As we sat there deciding what would be best to start out with, many thoughts ran through my mind. Yes, you could say i was perving over a few things there and thinking.... WOW, this could be fun if there was a Top here. A top and pants were decided upon, with a most engaging enclosed hood for just the right effect. i grabbed a few cow-tie cuffs, and some rope just in case there were some poses that i could get in for art sake. And off to the living room we went, where there were plenty of kinky apparatus to be tied to and hung from. Nummy! (large sip of wine)

Choosing just to get a nice backdrop and some floor pics for now was a great idea. As after that, we could go from there. Set up the lights, set up the background, and set up the scene. (sips more wine) i rub some lubricating agent all over their bodice, just to get that right shine. ( yup, more wine) Place them in just the right position to start with, and get a few starter shots to make sure all is looking good so far. And yes, what a wonderful subject. The lights are set just right, and the camera is perfect in my hands, and away i go. Not sure how many photos i took, but i certainly had some fun. With in all of this making sure my subject did not go thirsty and letting them sip their wine through that black mask, of course sipping mine along with them. their body looked so sleek in that out fit, even with the top off. Just beautiful, and something any Dom/me should be proud to own if They should choose them. If i were one, i certainly would be knocking down this door to get in here and have a whipping or two. (sips a lot more wine)

After many photos were taken and the heat of the light lamps had gotten to us both we decided that was it for the night. Taking the camera to the comp and loading it up to see what all there was, and there were a few good shots in there that could be played with. Not bad i thought, even with the vino in play. we had a good laugh and chat afterwards, and just 'be' as i always like to be when i am relaxed. But noticing the time, and that it was quite late, a different thought ran through my lil head. Not only was it very late and if i were to go i had to now, but i was slightly too tipsy to be going home alone on the train and bus at this hour. Yes, it was the vino. Now me being the practical safe person, i am not going to put myself at risk and do so. So it was decided that i would sleep over, and not worry about where i was going. Grab a t-shirt, and crash..... no big deal. Right? (drinks rest of wine in glass, re-fills with smile on face)

Yes all intentions were to just sleep and keep hands to ourselves. At least that was the point of the t-shirt, and what was going on in our heads at least. But intentions don't always come into fruition, and something else just might. Especially when there are other things going on in one's head, and even when one's life is a lil off kilter and has no straight strings to worry about. Really, that i can think of. Well as Yyou can imagine by now as these words flow from my fingers, so did a few other things in that room that night. Many other things flowed, not just from one person, but from us both. And was it ever most delicious, and delightful. Talk about a great phuck! (drinks half a glass of wine) What really puts a smile on my face right now, and yes there is one, is not only how fun it was... but all that it entailed that made it that great. Now don't get me wrong here, i have had some wonderful phucks this year... and several years past. But this was so different from them all, and in all the right ways, but dirty wrong ways-*wink wink*. Now i am sure Yyou are all thinking in the Ds manner right now, how One goes about phucking Yyour partners. The Top does this, and controls it this way and that. And yes, omg yes, that is wonderful and great in all the right ways.... more than i can say. As that is what i live for and strive for, and cum for..... that is me, and what gets me going going gone. But imagine two subs, all inhibitions thrown out the window, great long time friends, no one to answer to.... phucking. who's on top? who's on the bottom? Wait...... who does what to whom? Does anyone tell anyone what to do, or does it just happen? And is there any of that "ummm, what do we do now?" going on? Or is it just natural, and it just flows like there is nothing to think about. And wait, does one of them decide to take the reins at one point and top a lil..... or even both at one point or another..... *grins*. It's all good in the end, and it all turns out great. But for two subs/slaves, it was a good getting your freak on. (drinks wine glass empty, pours more)

Now not to put anyone to shame here..... but my lil phucking friend is quite well equipped to say the least. So it at times did pose some thoughts and grunts; and when me - who luvs to give head - went in that direction..... my eyes were almost bigger than my stomach. A girl gives it a good 'ol slave try, and wins right down to the bottom. Yes. Though when on top, omg i got to ride!!!!!, i sometimes wondered if i would cum out alive or not. But i certainly could put out a fire if asked, again and again. And that night seemed to never end, and i was quite happy to oblige.

Walking away the next morning after we went out for breakfast with that huge smile on my face and a bounce in my step made me ponder a few things. Was it a dream, and am i going to wake up from this? Was that ever fun, and i hope we do that again. What a great friend he is, and i can't believe after all these years that we did that. Holly cow, if my friends could see me now..... but thank goodness they don't. Nananee boo boo - to a certain few. And i had a very happy stroll to my ride home, with such a great day onward... and week ahead..........smile.

****end of chapter one of this story. There are a few more to follow yet, and i am sure there will be more. Rather, i am positive. (drinks more wine, and toasts all those out there getting a great phuck).

Lube, Fire or Ice? But serene and peaceful all the same.

2008-09-09T19:25:00.000-07:00

i was able to watch not just one sunset the night before. But last night's sunset was rather serene and peaceful, and didn't need anything behind it. As i sat there and reflected on the events of late, listening to the music of a lil birdie near by, all i could think was how nice it must be for that sun to be able to turn off and away each day an not have to worry not a thing till the morn. What a life, just to float by each day and shine on the world each day with a smile. Non other to worry of, no other commitments. Already in the fire play mode, lucky sun. And always turned on, not having to worry about foreplay. Of course the whole being hot thingy all the time would have a drying effect, and hence a worlds supply of lube would be in order. This now makes me wonder the type of toy the sun would prefer. Hmmmmmm.

Ice?

Speaking of ice.........................................hehehehehe.

2008-09-07T12:12:00.000-07:00

Just when one thought it was safe to be online and chatting…….

All i wanted to do was chat. Nothing more, nothing less. Friendship is all i ever asked for, if anyone wanted to chat with me…. or be on my friends list of late. Though thinking i had made it perfectly clear, now i am thinking that surely i must have missed something somewhere in the fine print. As it obviously isn’t clear enough to some Doms out there, more so of the males (sorry) than the Fems, that just don’t respect that line that one places in front of the boundary section of my space and circles. Should i have put it in Red, or should i just stop talking to people all together and tell Them all to phuk off all together. Maybe that can be the Appetizer to my profiles from now on, and that will give people an idea of how i feel about people hitting on me…. and yes i did even open up an email in an online community today to find one from even a rather young 21 year old Domme seeking a 24/7 bi femme, not sure why she was barking up my post. Especially if she actually read my profile at any point; not looking for a Dom (of any kind), and she isn’t even close to my age let alone within the age range that i would be seeking for a partner in. Makes me wonder how many people actually passed English………

Now Yyou might be wondering why i am on a ramble on all of this. After i woke this morning at 7:30 am (yes on a Sunday), and still couldn’t get back into the mood i was in yesterday early evening, it got to thinking about certain happenings. i had such a wonderful time gardening yesterday afternoon into the evening, that it put a wonderful relaxing smile on my face. Even though it was mostly pulling weeds and getting ready for the fall, i did cut quite a lot of lavender for braids and my Echinacea is looking perfect hanging out to dry. Afterwards noticing how i wasn’t shaking as much (or rather at all) as i had been for the last couple of months, and feeling truly relaxed as i hadn’t been in a while. Serendipity, a perfect state to be in these days. Then i come in and finish my laundry, other things i was doing, cut up another pineapple (never can eat too much pineapple), eat dinner, and just ‘be’. And after all of that, i decided to turn on the puter for a change as i haven’t for a while for more than a few seconds. i had received a message on IM from a Dom friend of mine back east saying “Excellent,” answering a question i had asked days prior. No big deal, right?

Being the courteous one that i am i answered back. And of course He was online, and Wwe started to chat. Nothing new, and nothing i was too worried about…. as Wwe are friends. Just as the conversation is going, well to my dismay, He starts to pull the Dom part on me. And of course He takes it too far, even after i stated my abhorrent feelings toward this. i have discussed this with Him before in an email, stating that i am not wanting this from Him at any time. He agreed to this, and i have it in print that He would just be friends with me. Where did i read that wrong, or am i just not reading between the lines myself? With Him stating that it will be easy to re-program me, even with Him being so far away. This after i stated that i am needing someone within my area, and someone that can touch me. And to top it all off, He kept on attempting to Top me as if i was His – stating that He is not my Dom! All this accomplished was making me cry, and making me shake in fear from myself. But not just from myself………… from what got me here in the first place, and why i feel like i do. Now I am not going to throw some code of ethics book at this guy, as that would be a moot point now. Not only has He crossed a line, but He has gone against everything that was promised. Wow, where have i seen and heard and felt this before. Makes one truly trustworthy of Tops in general again, and makes one want to go running in the arms and on the whipping post of another. Pick me! Pick me!
There is quite a bit more that goes with this lil conversation though i am not going to get into it. It might be of importance, but i think it is left better unsaid at this point. What does get my nerve is that after i had such a wonderful day yesterday i not only went to bed in a rather contrite mood, for what reason i do not know. Then waking up this early morning with a sense of deep sorrow, knowing i don’t have someone that i know i need to lean on that i can trust in a fashion ‘above’ me. But i also realized why i went to bed with the feelings as i did, and that is not so wonderful a thing. my deepest apologies to all those potential Doms out there, i did not have great thoughts of being Dommed last night…….But this morning was a different thought, which to many regrets of last nights thoughts, brought me to my proverbial knees. Though i still do not strive to be Dommed, i am not thinking towards the same thoughts as i was.

This makes one wonder how many others out there just want to wind up and tell some Dom out there to phuk right off for some certain reason. And i am not speaking in a disrespectful way, in a way that is warranted. i can just see it now all those lil subbies out there with their lil mouths almost getting duct taped for saying what they might truly be thinking, and then feeling remorseful for what might have escaped them. Some times it must be said i am thinking now, as there are just these times that a select group of people/Doms that need to be told something. They over step a line, They go against something that is agreed, They play in your sandbox after you have already said there is already too many people in there….. and there just isn’t enough toys to go around.
But does this mean due to what ‘we’ are that we are forced to yell what we feel into a pillow. Just so it isn’t heard beyond our lips, or even worse heard by our Tops or other Tops. There are times that we are apparently aloud to have a say in some things, even a bit of a mind. hahahahahahahaha. Sorry. Excuse me while I crawl back into the invisible cage of mine (that no one will ever see me in, just in case any of You Doms out there get a brilliant idea of this), and re-think what i just pointed out.

oooooooooooooooo . Rhianna’s ‘Disturbia’ Song is on. Just have to stop and listen to that, and watch that oh so nummy video. i would luv to know who talked her into going to a SM club to get the way this goes, as i can not see her getting all tied up as she did without any knowledge.
i understand what the song is saying…….

So back to being a slave/sub who wants to tell a bunch of Doms out there to phuk right off………… Yes, that is not a good thing, and would get me into a bit of trouble. More than i think i would like to find out with certain people, but i look forward to the reaction of Others.
Does this make me a bad sub? Does this make me a brat? Or does this just make me human? Should i be punished for a feeling? Especially when it comes from a place of hurt and wanting to run. Or should one just bite her upper lip (remember never to bite the bottom, especially if one knows what is good for her) and put up with what ever is thrown at me, and let the chips fall where they may? i don’t think i can bite my tongue any more, as it will bleed sooner or later…. it has gotten me in enough trouble lately, even when i am not in my right mind. Does any one else remember having to go out and cut your switch for a punishment, and of course cutting the smallest one you could find. lmsao. Not realizing that the smallest one is the one that will hurt the most, and then finding out afterwards you made a rather huge mistake with your choice. Do i ever remember those days, and it certainly didn’t take me long to learn which size is better than the other. *wink wink* But then have i grown out of that, and am i just replacing that switch with something else in my life……….where is that rose cane again?
NOT!
Though i do have some rather interesting looking sunflower stalks that might work just fine.

ooooooooooooooooo!!! “(Sweet Home Alabama) All Summer Long” is playing now. Sorry again. Groovin again, and remembering (though that might not be a good thing).

Now i know i am not the only one out there that has feelings or something similar going on ( or had ) with them. And i am sure i won’t be the last, as life tends to have many circles rotating around in many lives and in many ways. So there is bound to be something to arise, if not exactly, quite similar again. But i would love to know how may subs/slaves out that have actually grown the nerve to tell a Dom to phuk off, or even their own. Or is there a Dom out there that would allow that, or even thinks there are specific times that it is slightly warranted. Or am i just in my own lil fantasy world here, and should i just go back to my playground and duct tape my mouth and let it be? Maybe I should just say that is it, and run away from it all. i think i have set myself up for another switch, but i am cutting it for ‘Myself’ to use. Not sure how that will work, but i am sure ‘I’ will find a way. Hope i can go and build some sandcastles in my sandbox afterwards………anyone want to help? LM s AO.

Well i better get my lil butt in gear here. It has taken me a while to write this, and longer to decide to post this or not. i need to run through the sprinkler and get all soapy clean for the day, and off to a sleep over later at a gf’s.
i wonder if they will help me cut a switch…………or if i should just put on that duct tape and let it all be.

By the way….. that Domme lives in West Virginia. Ummmmm? Different Country i think, and a lil impossible i know.

slaves Say The Darndest Things

2008-08-28T16:43:00.000-07:00

This is a lil something that i found in my book of goodies. So dusted it off, and thought i would share it with someone, and that is all of Yyou. This list has been passed around from sub/slave to sub/slave for several years now, and i am sure it is still going strong.... or at least i hope so. Please don't blame me for this list, blame the subby who sent it to me - the one who had such great influence in me coming out of my lil shell and being a lil more ........ silly (that's a good word).

Wwe all should take time out to have a giggle now and then. Isn't it all about having some fun once and a while, because Wwe enjoy what Wwe are and do.

Slaves Say the Darndest Things:

1. Doesn't my opinion count for anything Sir?

2. But what if i don't want to?

3. That's gonna really hurt, isn't it?

4. Hey Sir, When do i get a day off?

5. You don't expect me to clean that up do you?

6. Is it ok if i invite my family for dinner?

7. Has anyone ever told You that you can be a real Prick sometimes?

8. Uh Oh, i shouldn't have said that should i have?

9. Sir i can't wear a gag, how am i supposed to answer the phone?

10. Naked!! Do you realize how cold it is?

11. You want to pierce my WHAT?!?!?

12. i'm glad this isn't my real job because the pay really sucks...

13. Not tonight Sir, i have a headache.. Ow!..Ow! . never mind, i was just kidding.

14. WOW, You can go from 0 to Bastard in less than 2.6 seconds.

15. You want it when? In what way??

16. Do You mind if i finish my cigarette first?

17. But Sir, i DID put it on my to do list...

18. But Master ... that is just gross.

19. You wouldn't look so mean if You would smile on occasion, ya know???

20. Do you mind .. i haven't had my coffee yet?

21. Honestly ... it takes me two hours to wake up in the morning.

22. Clean out the litter box??? but it's Your stupid cat...

23. But my nails aren't dry yet.

24. i didn't say i deserved it, i said i wanted it.

25. Who died and made You Master. Oh chit ...

26. Sure i COULD cook but going out for dinner would be so much faster.

27. You know i noticed that some of the other Master's have bigger whips than You do.

28. But Master, of course You want me in designer clothes, remember i DO represent You.

29. Honest!!! Decaf IS a hard limit ..

30. Master, But that's so icky ...

31. If i wanted to eat healthy, i would be following my doctors orders ... ah never mind.

32. But You could do it so much better and faster than me, Sir...

33. If Your going to criticize how i do it, why don't You just do it Yourself?

34. Sure i could do it Your way, but my way is so much easier.

35. Sir, Have i ever told you that You're the reason God made Prozac?

36. Sure Your opinions count Master, but You know what they say about opinions.

37. But why can't i choose both, it would make things so much easier?

38. But i don't want to make a decision. That's why You're the Master, remember????

39. But that is not how they do it on the Internet.

40. You are definitely no Martha Stewart.

Tri-City Brunch - Aug. 31st.... Sunday!!!!!!!

2008-08-27T11:23:00.000-07:00

i see a Tri-City Brunch in the future...................

Greetings Fellow Kingsters & Munchers/Brunchies,

Here i sit sending out those lil reminders to hopefully remind Ppeeps of the Brunch that is about to cum apon Uus.
Yes there is a Brunch this cumming Sunday!
So get out those posties!!! Put them on your mirrors,foreheads of subbies, and staple them to some bumms. If some are up forit.... tattoo it to a body part, i just might.

This is an event that will happen on a monthly basis, i hope i will only have to do this for a lil while. But Y/you know me, i will probably keep this up just because.... keep you all in the know. And make sure that everyone knows that it is being held on the Last Sunday of each month. So please pass on the word for those who may not know.
Yes, the regular 5th Wednesday of the month is still ago. There will always be the Wednesday nite Tri-City Munch nite as per usual, and at the same venue as the Brunch. And the same times as the other regular Munches - 6:30 - 9:30pm or so.

Here is the information for the Tri-City Brunch:
There is a huge spread of food for pretty munch everyone's tastes out there. From Dim Sum to Poached Eggs, Waffles with Whipped Cream, and i do believe there is even some meat for the side and baccon and sasauge. There is several salads, and fresh veggies for the munchies. And if you are looking for desserts, from 10 or so different kinds of cheese cakes to peacan pie and cocoa mouse. In other words, more dessert than one can handle. Pluss fruit as as well, to balance this all out. Pure Nummmyness.
i will have pics soon for E/everyone to see. But there are a few people out there from the last few brunches that can attest to the wonderful food there is to offer. It is worth the cost. And you can order from the menue after 12:30 pm. if the buffet is not for you.

Tri-City Sunday Brunch !
Sunday, Aug. 31, 2008
11:30am - 1:30pm (or so)
John B Pub
1000 Austin Ave. (@ Blue Mountain)
Coquitlam, BC.
***Again pls try to inform/email me so i can reserve tables for Us all.

Please email me here or @
< TriCityMunch@msn.com >

Hope to see Y/you there. Have a great week and weekend Kinsters.

BB

lil d

*PS -

The Next Tr-City Munch is:

Wed. Oct. 29th, 2008

As long as it is free to dump carbon dioxide into the atm

osphere,

people are going to keep doing it.

what does it take to change the essence of man?

live like you were dancing,

and that today is the only day to dance.

You, yourself, as much as anybody else in the entire

universe deserve your love and affection.

-Buhda

Lil d's Perfectly Pervy Precepts

Strange Dreams During Mooning.

i'm not perfect... i just try.

Munchin in Salem

~ A Hard Afternoon Delight ~

Sex and Menstruation (The Moon)

And life starts a new chapter.........

Very short update

Stressed, Not Completely Broken

It Was A Good Day For a Napping..... *Part 1*

Tomorrow's Walk To Remember

From Oct 13th..... Copy Paste... new posting to follow later today.

Life or Something Like It...... Part 2

Some Times Life Can Surprise You and Be Funny Sometimes.

We're Not in Kansas Any more Toto

Good bye 2009...... and all that loss.

Loss Of An Angel - Catherine Holman

M-388 Motion criminalizes counseling of suicide.

Walking The Left Road.... or is it.

Almost Year End, What Next.

What's in the air today? Energy abound.

Perfectly Pervy Precepts For Another Day.... Maybe

Taking a Deep Breath.....

Tis The Season To Be Beaten

Sweet Balls of Fire

Where Does The Time Go For The Near & Dear?

Sunday Brunch - Tri-City - Sept. 27th

When did Stella get her groove back?

Is it too hot, or am I dreaming.....

What the.....

Just a late update

Women Of Mayhem for Me

What is in a joke......

Women & The Weekend

Almost Too Tired......

Sex Worker Outed, Why Even Sex Workers Don't Report Assaults to the Police....

Who the frig does the "B" think she is.......

Where is the sanity, where is the pain releaf?

Flickr

What i desire and need in this next year as it goes by.....

Tri-City Brunch!! This Sunday - Feb 22.

A Year In Passing... and those who are now gone.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 2008

Hmmmmm, Should i, or should it just be.

Cont... What a Happy New Years Indeed 2009

What a very Happy New Years indeed...... (from Fetlife Jan.2,2009)

Poky Things from Santa, and tree barf for the coal. (from Fetlife)

Too busy for poky things.... i think not!

Lovely Snow and Winter Time Perviness?

Move-In With lil d's New Toy

Does Aanyone Do Windows? Or have a Truck....

What is Mensa Sex? Where did those leathers go?

Tired, house hunting, sickies, to blood let or not to blood let.

What part doesn't hurt?

Where does the time go, where do i go from here......

Busy Times Need Down Times (where's the perv)

i wasn't dreaming on photo night.......

Lube, Fire or Ice? But serene and peaceful all the same.

slaves Say The Darndest Things

Tri-City Brunch - Aug. 31st.... Sunday!!!!!!!

It Was A Good Day For a Napping..... Part 1