Does Aanyone Do Windows? Or have a Truck....

i have come to the conclussion how much i truly hate moving. Yes it is the most stressful thing one person can do to their bodies... this has been proven in the medical world. But it is all the other lil stuff that goes around it, including the cleaning... and i will not go into how to pick up the belongings and furniture...Does anyone out there have a truck to pick up a hand made bed for me????????

What i could use, now that i said bye bye to my footboy due to his rather bad tasting "memememememememe" attitude, is someone that doesn't mind doing windows. lol. Yes, windows. There are a few windows to get washed in the new place, most in the celarium, that need to get washed in and out. And i have not had the time to get to them, let alone certain other things that need to get done.......... grrr. Most people say that they don't do windows, i do on normal basis. i just don't have the time, as i am having a rather hard time trying to keep up with anything else. Packing is the worst with all the running around i am having to do, back and forth and all over the place.... and conferences (and i just put one right off this past weekend - bad me, but needed to). The next one, i can not get away with that... and that is the whole first week of Nov, and boy am i going to be tired after all that. Needs my bed before then. lol.

Yup, am i glad this is my last move. Though i will still be going back and forth to Was., have a home in the Cascades at my pa's. But this is it for here, unless i win the lottery and get that nice home on the riviera and in the Baha. woo hoo, surf for breaky. omg that would be the life.
Well off to try and get some more boxes, run around, and numerous other poo i have to get done. Never enough time in the day for moi, and i need more hands that what i have. Medical steps in a few hundred years i think.

Huggers to those who aren't moving.....




*** i just realised... i should probably change my profile in here as well. Completely forgetting with all that is going on in my life, and how busy it has been. WOW. i will get to that in the next lil while, so please bare with me peeps. Yes it still describes whom i am, and the type of person i am... but NO i am not seeking a Dom... and a few other changes are going in there.
i am going to go re-unite with poky things very soon!!! woo hoo. yipeeee. omg. yes!
If it isn't piercings, and yes i am going to get a couple.... and if i don't get anything else, Elwood is going to have way to much fun with me doing more. i am also going to meet up with an old friend - needle play. Been craving that for far too long these past several weeks, and i can't wait any longer. i think it all has to do with regression, and healing me. As some people know what is going on, and that i need some major healing to do.... and i am going to go back to the begining - needle play (yes i did more than that when i was a kid, fire/wax/and a few other things before i hit 10, but the needles are what gave me life).
So poky things here i come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*phone*
Just got off the phone with Elwood... hehehehehehehehe. Ooooooooooh ya. Nummy. Am i ever looking forward to when i see Him, what a treat that will be. Yuppers.
Wwe also had a lil chat about what was said to me yesterday at the Tri-City Brunch:
Someone had mentioned that there might be a bottom out there that just might be a harder player than i am, and can take more pain.... well Elwood piped up - saying that there should be an event to judge that one. With different events, and judges, and who wins wins. And there would even be a wild card event as well, and i am completely with what He is thinking. hahahahahaha. i think Elwood knows me all too well. hmmmm.
Off to day dream about pokey things.......

What is Mensa Sex? Where did those leathers go?

So i am finally sitting here taking a bit of a break for the day. Something that is well needed, and rather a lil late in the whole week to two weeks going on. Drinking a hot toddy with drunken honey, with lemon tea and drunken honey. Trying very hard not to cough, and feeling how tired i really am........ ok so i ran myself down. Not a good thing, and i will probably get a lil shit from the doc when i see him. And i hope this cold goes away faster then they usually do, as i have way too much to do - with lil help and lil time, and still trying to figure out how to get all the cleaning done when the contractors are done at the new place and over here. Phew. i packed my riding leathers on a sunny day on Saturday.:(( i just hope if i get a call for a ride, i can get them out fast enough. And to top it off - my sister from another twister was having all that fun at the Toy Run in Rupert without me, as i would normally be there helping out every year when i lived there. Made me realize how much i miss that home, especially since a brother just died a month ago. When one loses family such like that, it makes you think about what life was like and what you want out of it.... where will it go. Wishing i was was there to be with his wife, as i know she could use the people around her. They were always there for me, even when running the 1/4 mile in Kitamat.... wish i could be there for her now. Now i really have to think about that road trip, or ferry trip... what ever works best as long as it isn't flying on a plane. :-/Now i am sitting here waiting for chicken dinner with veggies to be done. So i was scrolling through my main home page, and thought i would go and see for a change who was pervin my profile. And one of the Doms that had been there a couple weeks ago had a tag line that rather caught my eye, and then had me thinking just a lil too hard for my brain today....... "Mensa Sex- Into pushing the edge and exploring most fantasies and fetishes." My question is: What the heck is Mensa Sex? Now a mensa can be two things. Either an "Altar Slab/Stone" that has to do with the astronomy of the southern constellation near Octans. Or...... of course as most people would know the most widely know definition, an international fellowship organization for people with IQ's in the top 2 percent of the general population. Now this has got me scratching my lil head here. i can think of a few things done on an altar stone, things i have done myself... shhhhh. But i have not come up with an idea of what an IQ driven human can do with sex, unless they use their smarts to make someone cum. Knowing a few select nerds myself that come up to that category, and maybe in Mensa, i don't think that sex really is something that they equate to a study they would want to conquer. Not unless that is a major, and it will get them further than any other subject. The science of it, or even the equation of how this leg goes that way, and your hand can do this at this angle while your tongue does this... all the while the cum comes at a ratio to the thrust of the source that is equivalent to X+YYx2(68+1)=100xyz. Sorry that just had to be done. And if someone can cum up with the answer to that, have i got a special bonus for Yyou.=D% If anyone out there has this answer for me..... please help me out. Even my lil brain can not cum up with the pervy thought on this one, and why someone would bring Mensa into sex in the first place........ hmmmmm. Back to my cold killing tea. Chicken healthy dinner. Packing and cleaning. Yipeeee..... not.

Tired, house hunting, sickies, to blood let or not to blood let.

Can house hunting be considered as tourture?i think it should be. i could not count how many homes i booded at, but if i look in my lil book..... way too many. And that is just the ones that i wrote down, not counting the ones that i didn't write the good stuff on.

When looking for suitable homes that are not just for myself.. it can be rather trying. Though when found, exillerating in the end. Especially if it is the perfect one. And signing those lil papers, saying it is yours, almost that lil high one is seeking for on the good days. Now i can't wait to move in, and make it home. Though with all the construction going on downstairs, it will need a lil cleaning and dusting prior.The whole basement is being converted into a two bedroom house. It should look wonderful when it is done, and with it's own fire place as well.... cozy as well. i just hope i can find perv friendly, or pervy, peeps to live there. lol. That can be fun. Crossing the lil fingers.

Now that most of the stress is over.... maybe some of these hives will go away. i look like poo. i won't go into the G.A. patches, too many scares already and now growing more. But i have completely broken out in hives, from what i am not sure. i think i need the tropical holiday, though the sun might prove troublesome. lmao. Just thow me in the blue sea with a surf board, and let me be with the fishies. It is starting to get rather cold here now to be swimming in the ocean, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Not the kind of self mutilation i am looking for these days, especially if i want to keep on breathing.
In the old days if one wasn't feeling well in any form the healers/doctors would 'bleed' the person. This forcing the immune system into action, in the hopes that it would fast track to heal it's own self. Now being of a medical background myself with a fare bit of knowledge, i know this does not work for everything, and the percentages of people that passed from this precedure far out weighed what good came out of it. But when i look at what most of Uus practice in our lil Lifestyle today, and how some of Uus use our own ways to make us feel better..... is this not a form of 'bleeding'.... but with out so much blood letting (unless one is into that sort of practice). This thought actually had me thinking earlier today. i had a docs appointment last week, and he had gotten on my case about how tired i was. In other words - get more rest, because if i don't we all know what happens when i get too tired. Then i get all sicky, and things go down hill from there.... no matter what i do. Though i could some times sleep a min. of 8 hours a night some times, and still need that nappy in the afternoon ( i know of a one person in particular who understands this one), it doesn't matter what one does to try to get that rest - you are still tired. So my thought was if we were to use a form of bleeding, or forcing the immune system into helping itself. After all the reading i have done in the last year, i have a few theories on this one. i know how i feel after even just a good play, and how long that good feeling lasts for. Could this not work in other ways, even if a play was not used... and not having to use bleeding as the resort.?????

Just one of many thoughts in my lil head. Might just have to ask the doc about this one when i am back in his office, won't that one raise his eyebrows. lol. i think the shock factor should be enough to get his own immune system going, then maybe a form to put me in the padded room. lmao. Of course he wouldn't, but he would certainly wonder where my head was going at this point and why. i would point him to my skin doc, then my immunologist, and have a chat with them..... maybe they all could get together and figure it all out. And then i could right a paper on it, and get published, win the pulitzer, make a million and become famous. ok, yes it has been a long week. But it would certainly kick those "book" doctors in the tushka, don't Yya think.......Then Wwe could have Sm as a healing practice. Something of every day life, something that is not looked appon as 'dirty' in a nilla's eyes. i like dirty, but not their kind of dirty. And then "vanilla" would be something of the past, something that would be written in dusty old scrolls burried in the Dead Sea. But best of all........ anyone who is not feeling well - would feel all that much more better. As it would be considered medical practice, and something that one could do without having to worry about persicusion. All those with arthritis unite! All those who's bones ache, get up to the whipping pole! All those with bad immune systems, i have a needle or hundred for you, and then a good whipping! hehehehehehe.

Now i just need to find my own form of bleeding.... And for those who have mooning in Yyour head, please remove it. i am serious here, and dealing with both sexes.

Speaking of sexes..... for those men out there that think most women don't know squawt about construction, or even anything to do with renos on houses...... we are all not like that. For the guy who thought i didn't know about about vapor bariers - you obviously don't know a thing, as you were trying to tell me to make sure that they put that in. And actually breaking it down for me, as if i don't even know what that even is. Ummmmm. They aren't replacing the siding on the house, they are doing the walls on the inside.So please guys, give us women a lil more credit then what some of you do. pffffft.

What part doesn't hurt?

Finally made it to the pool on this last monday. wow.

Thinking to myself as i am walking to the pool in my neighborhood 'it is about time.' It had been far too long that i had been in the water it seemed, and needed that tranquility..... especially after the day before. There a few things weighing on my mind, and many more taking over my mind yet again. In a way taking it over yet again, or rather a reversal of what i had worked so hard this last month or so to get by.Though as i am still feeling the affects today....... i do believe i pushed myself just a wee bit too hard. On tuesday my legs and arms were quite sore, even a muscles in my right side. And yesterday my thighs still haven't let up, or rather had gotten worse. So walking is a bit of a chore in some ways, and this is not good in my books. i had plans on going back to the pool yesterday........ ummmm, i didn't. i may be a pain slut, but not that much of one. i value my body, and don't want to hurt it a way that would harm it beyond repair again. But then, maybe pushing as hard as i did was a small form of hurting myself, but not so much. i swam about the same amount of hours (2 or so), and probably the same laps, but just harder and faster.... and probably did more of certain strokes than others. Someone stop me now.But i am still wondering what is hurting more this week... from last... my body or my jaw. The icecream companies are making a good buck from me these days. pfffffft.

Speaking of jaw.... i am thinking i might head off to jam on sunday. Not only missin the boys, missin singing as well, music in general. Doubt it very much i will get up and jam, as i am completely out of practice (and rather sore in the face). But it is always great to be with, and just listen in on, maybe make plans to get in on a practice for a change. Been far toooo long. Exercise that jaw. lol. Yes, in other ways than suckin boys/men.

Chores and wine to do this week into weekend..... but then i think i actually might get into some wood work, and leather work for something to do. i have a tad too much molec-bio in my head, and need to get my mind off of it. If anything, i definately will always make the perfectly pervy toys. i do have that lil sadist in me, and can always cum up with ways for us lil ones to be tortured. hehehehehehehehehehehe. shhhhhh. i have some wicked feathers here to work with as well, bought them a year ago and still haven't used them for anything yet.... bad me bad me.

Now that i got my lil mind on all of those wonderful subjective objects.... i'm craving pineapple. i do believe yoko and i will be feasting tonight, lucky bird. Just too bad that the weather is so ill fitting these days, the only walk-a-bout he is getting is in the house. i know he would rather go and check out the yard, and chit chat about what ever is in that lil brain of his about things out side. He is just too cute, and i know one day he will go for one of my earings..... hope it doesn't hurt too much.

Speaking of rings..........my body is in such a state right now, that my last nipple piercing is pushing. Grrrrr. So unless i can get everything mended and level soon, i think i will be losing another one. pffffft. Not kewl. Of course that had to start after sunday, and that is the kick in the butt i don't need. This puts even a bigger pout on this face, really don't want to lose this one..... and over something that has to do with ...............body stress. Ya, that's it.:-/

Where does the time go, where do i go from here......

Where does it all go... and where do i turn next from this hiatal.

11 years and 3 days have gone by now. Some times it feels like it was just last year, and then it feels like it was so many years ago. Mom's day was on Thursday, and it went by faster than it has in any year prior. i did manage to spend that day with a good friend, which picked up my spirits and put a smile on my face. It definately was a good day to 'be', and i wouldn't have picked another place to be at that time. Though usually i spend it with those few woman friends of mine down at the ocean's edge, flowers in hand, sending out a loving hello to our dearly departeds of that horrendous decease. Then as always, stopping by a tap house and toasting to not only their lives, but our own. Celebrate my mom had said, keep on living for not only me but "yourself". Wise words spoken by a woman who learned to live to late, in an eruditely way that made even myself smile in a hard time. As i sit here trying to forgive those times that i should have sat down with her more often, listened to what she had to say just a tad more, and not run every time we clashed. But wishing in a longing way that i could have shared my life with her, praying that she wouldn't judge who i am and what i may do in life. Wwe all live and learn, some times just a lil late in life.

Of course after i ponder all of this that is weighing on my lil heart...... it makes me think of what is here and now. The last month and a half have not been the best of times, and certainly not something i would want to repeat or wish on anyone. Yes i have had a beautiful time with a few great loving friends, and this has replaced for the most part so dark light in my lil world. But i do realise that i am not going to get out of this shadow any time soon, no matter how adamant i can be.... and i can be fairly stuborn if given half a chance. Today proved my point quite clearly, and even took me back a few steps from where i had actually taken myself to. All it took was a simple lil phrase, even though it was followed by a jokingly undertone, it did it's damage. Now i realise that i can't be within certain situations that could have a effect on myself, and avoiding all that i have has been good idea thus far.

After a few hours of my eyeliner slipping away i sit here in preceptual space. Many a thought has gone through my head, and i am unsure of which one to listen to. i have lost faith in a certain set of 'Things', and not completely sure if i will ever gain that trust back. There have been too many times of being spaded, and now just being left to drown in a off sence has me not wanting anymore. i can't shake this odd and weird feeling that is flowing through my body, and now having gone back in time what is there to gain. As i have sat here staring at my dress kollar in all it's beauty, wondering if ever i will want this or any around my neck again. i peer over to a collection of canes and implements standing up in full glory, do i ever want those to ever kiss me again. Looking up at all the perfectly pervy products laying around this room and hanging on the walls, wondering if ever these will make me tingle just one more time.... instead of producing fear and tear. Will time tell, will being with another mend, will changing who i am be the answer. Makes one think just a tad too much, especially when i should have my face in a manual studying.

i hope the Munch and Brunch to come up put a spring back in my step. i could use the laughter, and definately the comradery. And just hope that there are no words or phrases that put me back in step and time, and all should be just wonderful. And if i all if good (will not use that good *** phrase), i might be able to spend some time with that most blessed friend some time later in the week as well. Get in some cuddles, maybe some sushi, saki and a movie. Now that puts a smile on this lil face, wonders never cease.

Get to the pool tomorrow!!!! i have been so bloomin busy these last couple of weeks, that i have not had the time for a dip. Meditation in a couple hundred lengths is a good way to get rid of stress, and not drown if lucky. Maybe by the time i crawl out of the water i will have everything in perspective, and not feel so negative about certain ways and objects as i do now. As for a certain people, that is different.... not sure where to go there or how to deal with that feeling as of yet. Time, time will tell. They know that.

Shower time..... and hopefully a full nights sleep, and not waking at 6 am.

Busy Times Need Down Times (where's the perv)

Finally after a very busy few weeks some down time.

The last several weeks seem like to have gone by like a freight train some days. There were some very busy days in there, and not enough just 'being' days in my liking. Lectures almost every week, classes, a few meetings, hunting, being there for good friends (to which i would do any time), life even got in the way somewhere, don't forget a few vampire days.... friggen vamps and docs, and even managed to get in a lil perv. woo hoo.What i didn't manage to get in the last couple of weeks (going on three now, omg) is the pool. Pfffft. There was just not enough time in the day for it, or not enough days in the week..... what ever fits in there better. Maybe i am getting punished for not being pervy enough, though i did get my perv on a few times. i even managed to get sauced a couple of times as well, omg don't mix wine and beer (very slow the next day). This coming from a whiskey girl, gotta love that whiskey.

So now from being too busy and on the go... especially in the last week.... i get to miss a few things in the next couple of days. Now that blows!!!! Missed a great party last night, because i was partying on saturday.... and a few other things were fit in during the day - and i probably shouldn't have. And yesterday was running around booing at houses, all over the place it seemed like, but just too much walkin up hills and what nots i ponder...... just not enough pervin in my books. Now if i was tired from pervin out this weekend, then it would have been worth it to miss the play party last night. Even though i did get my groove and perv on a few days ago (chapter 3 or 4), still trying to keep my body in the kilter from the off kilter it was left in not that long ago. That still doesn't make up for the wonderful pervin and playin that happens at a full on play party, even if it was at a private play party. Then i think about what it is going to be like when it isn't just several lectures a month and a few classes and/or conferences, and i am back full time..... what am i going to do them???? omg:-/

Now that this week is almost over i can look forward to a almost day of rest today. Have some study to do (ok, tons), meet someone later on, maybe get in a swim if i am into it, and get to emails that i have left aside for the whole week it seems. Sorry to those whom i have not gotten back to yet, been busy lil girl here.Think about what is coming ( or rather cumming ) up in the next week. hehehehehehehe. There is a few things i am truly looking forward to, some a tad more than others. Munch if i get back from day trip soon enough, consult, and yes..... hehehehehe... pervy things am most positive. Not only do i enjoy this, but of course it is a necessity. And then, if all goes well, some great times with some most wonderful friends. you know who you are...... i do believe one is in the middle of trying to quite a bad habbit, and i support them all the way. Huggers. Oh yes, get in swims, omg some swims. i feel so at peace in the water, i need to swim.

If i am not getting a whip kissing my lil bottom, i need to get in that water. Just Be.

i wasn't dreaming on photo night.......

Chapter 1:

The first time started out as a night of just dinner, wine and a light photo session for them........ but it turned into so much more. (this is going to be a good one, i am going to get myself a glass of red to sit and re-enjoy this with Yyou)

That first night started out with the same expectations as anyone would think that one would plan out. Yes i am coming over for dinner and a lil vino or two, and yes i would love to take some photos for you. Actually, it would be my pleasure to take some kinky photos for you. Nothing else is expected in this, just a good giggle between good friends of old and some good vino and food.... oh yes - pervy pics. i am thinking to myself as i am heading over there what a wonderful time this will be, and it will get my mind off of all the ickiness going on with my mind and body right now. These thoughts are actually putting a smile upon my face, and making me feel happy again. Even though at a moment, just a nano second, i thought i was doing something wrong. As if i hadn't ask for permission, and this was all being done behind someone's back. But that thought and feeling only lasted a moment, and i pushed it away.

The wine was perfect! It not only warmed us up, but it made us laugh and make jokes as if life was rolling along in no direction. we remembered a few from our past, and wondered what Oothers were doing now. we talked about the now, and what was happening in our lives. And we talked about the future, and what we looked forward to in the hopes of some sanity for us both in our wild world of kink. And the food was wonderful, it filled our void as we sat and talked. It wasn't as if it was replacing anything, no not at all. But what it did was compliment what the evening was turning into, and made the wine and chat all that better. (sips more wine)

As time wore on it was decided to finally get into photo mode. So my pervy friend got out all their lil outfits and toys and accessories to go with, even a body harness to my delight. There was quite a lot of leather and latex there to be put on, and a fair amount of leather bindings if one was to get right into it. As we sat there deciding what would be best to start out with, many thoughts ran through my mind. Yes, you could say i was perving over a few things there and thinking.... WOW, this could be fun if there was a Top here. A top and pants were decided upon, with a most engaging enclosed hood for just the right effect. i grabbed a few cow-tie cuffs, and some rope just in case there were some poses that i could get in for art sake. And off to the living room we went, where there were plenty of kinky apparatus to be tied to and hung from. Nummy! (large sip of wine)

Choosing just to get a nice backdrop and some floor pics for now was a great idea. As after that, we could go from there. Set up the lights, set up the background, and set up the scene. (sips more wine) i rub some lubricating agent all over their bodice, just to get that right shine. ( yup, more wine) Place them in just the right position to start with, and get a few starter shots to make sure all is looking good so far. And yes, what a wonderful subject. The lights are set just right, and the camera is perfect in my hands, and away i go. Not sure how many photos i took, but i certainly had some fun. With in all of this making sure my subject did not go thirsty and letting them sip their wine through that black mask, of course sipping mine along with them. their body looked so sleek in that out fit, even with the top off. Just beautiful, and something any Dom/me should be proud to own if They should choose them. If i were one, i certainly would be knocking down this door to get in here and have a whipping or two. (sips a lot more wine)

After many photos were taken and the heat of the light lamps had gotten to us both we decided that was it for the night. Taking the camera to the comp and loading it up to see what all there was, and there were a few good shots in there that could be played with. Not bad i thought, even with the vino in play. we had a good laugh and chat afterwards, and just 'be' as i always like to be when i am relaxed. But noticing the time, and that it was quite late, a different thought ran through my lil head. Not only was it very late and if i were to go i had to now, but i was slightly too tipsy to be going home alone on the train and bus at this hour. Yes, it was the vino. Now me being the practical safe person, i am not going to put myself at risk and do so. So it was decided that i would sleep over, and not worry about where i was going. Grab a t-shirt, and crash..... no big deal. Right? (drinks rest of wine in glass, re-fills with smile on face)

Yes all intentions were to just sleep and keep hands to ourselves. At least that was the point of the t-shirt, and what was going on in our heads at least. But intentions don't always come into fruition, and something else just might. Especially when there are other things going on in one's head, and even when one's life is a lil off kilter and has no straight strings to worry about. Really, that i can think of. Well as Yyou can imagine by now as these words flow from my fingers, so did a few other things in that room that night. Many other things flowed, not just from one person, but from us both. And was it ever most delicious, and delightful. Talk about a great phuck! (drinks half a glass of wine) What really puts a smile on my face right now, and yes there is one, is not only how fun it was... but all that it entailed that made it that great. Now don't get me wrong here, i have had some wonderful phucks this year... and several years past. But this was so different from them all, and in all the right ways, but dirty wrong ways-*wink wink*. Now i am sure Yyou are all thinking in the Ds manner right now, how One goes about phucking Yyour partners. The Top does this, and controls it this way and that. And yes, omg yes, that is wonderful and great in all the right ways.... more than i can say. As that is what i live for and strive for, and cum for..... that is me, and what gets me going going gone. But imagine two subs, all inhibitions thrown out the window, great long time friends, no one to answer to.... phucking. who's on top? who's on the bottom? Wait...... who does what to whom? Does anyone tell anyone what to do, or does it just happen? And is there any of that "ummm, what do we do now?" going on? Or is it just natural, and it just flows like there is nothing to think about. And wait, does one of them decide to take the reins at one point and top a lil..... or even both at one point or another..... *grins*. It's all good in the end, and it all turns out great. But for two subs/slaves, it was a good getting your freak on. (drinks wine glass empty, pours more)

Now not to put anyone to shame here..... but my lil phucking friend is quite well equipped to say the least. So it at times did pose some thoughts and grunts; and when me - who luvs to give head - went in that direction..... my eyes were almost bigger than my stomach. A girl gives it a good 'ol slave try, and wins right down to the bottom. Yes. Though when on top, omg i got to ride!!!!!, i sometimes wondered if i would cum out alive or not. But i certainly could put out a fire if asked, again and again. And that night seemed to never end, and i was quite happy to oblige.

Walking away the next morning after we went out for breakfast with that huge smile on my face and a bounce in my step made me ponder a few things. Was it a dream, and am i going to wake up from this? Was that ever fun, and i hope we do that again. What a great friend he is, and i can't believe after all these years that we did that. Holly cow, if my friends could see me now..... but thank goodness they don't. Nananee boo boo - to a certain few. And i had a very happy stroll to my ride home, with such a great day onward... and week ahead..........smile.

****end of chapter one of this story. There are a few more to follow yet, and i am sure there will be more. Rather, i am positive. (drinks more wine, and toasts all those out there getting a great phuck).

Lube, Fire or Ice? But serene and peaceful all the same.

  i was able to watch not just one sunset the night before. But last night's sunset was rather serene and peaceful, and didn't need anything behind it. As i sat there and reflected on the events of late, listening to the music of a lil birdie near by, all i could think was how nice it must be for that sun to be able to turn off and away each day an not have to worry not a thing till the morn. What a life, just to float by each day and shine on the world each day with a smile. Non other to worry of, no other commitments. Already in the fire play mode, lucky sun. And always turned on, not having to worry about foreplay. Of course the whole being hot thingy all the time would have a drying effect, and hence a worlds supply of lube would be in order. This now makes me wonder the type of toy the sun would prefer. Hmmmmmm.

Ice?

Speaking of ice.........................................hehehehehe.

Just when one thought it was safe to be online and chatting…….

All i wanted to do was chat. Nothing more, nothing less. Friendship is all i ever asked for, if anyone wanted to chat with me…. or be on my friends list of late. Though thinking i had made it perfectly clear, now i am thinking that surely i must have missed something somewhere in the fine print. As it obviously isn’t clear enough to some Doms out there, more so of the males (sorry) than the Fems, that just don’t respect that line that one places in front of the boundary section of my space and circles. Should i have put it in Red, or should i just stop talking to people all together and tell Them all to phuk off all together. Maybe that can be the Appetizer to my profiles from now on, and that will give people an idea of how i feel about people hitting on me…. and yes i did even open up an email in an online community today to find one from even a rather young 21 year old Domme seeking a 24/7 bi femme, not sure why she was barking up my post. Especially if she actually read my profile at any point; not looking for a Dom (of any kind), and she isn’t even close to my age let alone within the age range that i would be seeking for a partner in. Makes me wonder how many people actually passed English………

Now Yyou might be wondering why i am on a ramble on all of this. After i woke this morning at 7:30 am (yes on a Sunday), and still couldn’t get back into the mood i was in yesterday early evening, it got to thinking about certain happenings. i had such a wonderful time gardening yesterday afternoon into the evening, that it put a wonderful relaxing smile on my face. Even though it was mostly pulling weeds and getting ready for the fall, i did cut quite a lot of lavender for braids and my Echinacea is looking perfect hanging out to dry. Afterwards noticing how i wasn’t shaking as much (or rather at all) as i had been for the last couple of months, and feeling truly relaxed as i hadn’t been in a while. Serendipity, a perfect state to be in these days. Then i come in and finish my laundry, other things i was doing, cut up another pineapple (never can eat too much pineapple), eat dinner, and just ‘be’. And after all of that, i decided to turn on the puter for a change as i haven’t for a while for more than a few seconds. i had received a message on IM from a Dom friend of mine back east saying “Excellent,” answering a question i had asked days prior. No big deal, right?

Being the courteous one that i am i answered back. And of course He was online, and Wwe started to chat. Nothing new, and nothing i was too worried about…. as Wwe are friends. Just as the conversation is going, well to my dismay, He starts to pull the Dom part on me. And of course He takes it too far, even after i stated my abhorrent feelings toward this. i have discussed this with Him before in an email, stating that i am not wanting this from Him at any time. He agreed to this, and i have it in print that He would just be friends with me. Where did i read that wrong, or am i just not reading between the lines myself? With Him stating that it will be easy to re-program me, even with Him being so far away. This after i stated that i am needing someone within my area, and someone that can touch me. And to top it all off, He kept on attempting to Top me as if i was His – stating that He is not my Dom! All this accomplished was making me cry, and making me shake in fear from myself. But not just from myself………… from what got me here in the first place, and why i feel like i do. Now I am not going to throw some code of ethics book at this guy, as that would be a moot point now. Not only has He crossed a line, but He has gone against everything that was promised. Wow, where have i seen and heard and felt this before. Makes one truly trustworthy of Tops in general again, and makes one want to go running in the arms and on the whipping post of another. Pick me! Pick me!
There is quite a bit more that goes with this lil conversation though i am not going to get into it. It might be of importance, but i think it is left better unsaid at this point. What does get my nerve is that after i had such a wonderful day yesterday i not only went to bed in a rather contrite mood, for what reason i do not know. Then waking up this early morning with a sense of deep sorrow, knowing i don’t have someone that i know i need to lean on that i can trust in a fashion ‘above’ me. But i also realized why i went to bed with the feelings as i did, and that is not so wonderful a thing. my deepest apologies to all those potential Doms out there, i did not have great thoughts of being Dommed last night…….But this morning was a different thought, which to many regrets of last nights thoughts, brought me to my proverbial knees. Though i still do not strive to be Dommed, i am not thinking towards the same thoughts as i was.

This makes one wonder how many others out there just want to wind up and tell some Dom out there to phuk right off for some certain reason. And i am not speaking in a disrespectful way, in a way that is warranted. i can just see it now all those lil subbies out there with their lil mouths almost getting duct taped for saying what they might truly be thinking, and then feeling remorseful for what might have escaped them. Some times it must be said i am thinking now, as there are just these times that a select group of people/Doms that need to be told something. They over step a line, They go against something that is agreed, They play in your sandbox after you have already said there is already too many people in there….. and there just isn’t enough toys to go around.
But does this mean due to what ‘we’ are that we are forced to yell what we feel into a pillow. Just so it isn’t heard beyond our lips, or even worse heard by our Tops or other Tops. There are times that we are apparently aloud to have a say in some things, even a bit of a mind. hahahahahahahaha. Sorry. Excuse me while I crawl back into the invisible cage of mine (that no one will ever see me in, just in case any of You Doms out there get a brilliant idea of this), and re-think what i just pointed out.

oooooooooooooooo . Rhianna’s ‘Disturbia’ Song is on. Just have to stop and listen to that, and watch that oh so nummy video. i would luv to know who talked her into going to a SM club to get the way this goes, as i can not see her getting all tied up as she did without any knowledge.
i understand what the song is saying…….

So back to being a slave/sub who wants to tell a bunch of Doms out there to phuk right off………… Yes, that is not a good thing, and would get me into a bit of trouble. More than i think i would like to find out with certain people, but i look forward to the reaction of Others.
Does this make me a bad sub? Does this make me a brat? Or does this just make me human? Should i be punished for a feeling? Especially when it comes from a place of hurt and wanting to run. Or should one just bite her upper lip (remember never to bite the bottom, especially if one knows what is good for her) and put up with what ever is thrown at me, and let the chips fall where they may? i don’t think i can bite my tongue any more, as it will bleed sooner or later…. it has gotten me in enough trouble lately, even when i am not in my right mind. Does any one else remember having to go out and cut your switch for a punishment, and of course cutting the smallest one you could find. lmsao. Not realizing that the smallest one is the one that will hurt the most, and then finding out afterwards you made a rather huge mistake with your choice. Do i ever remember those days, and it certainly didn’t take me long to learn which size is better than the other. *wink wink* But then have i grown out of that, and am i just replacing that switch with something else in my life……….where is that rose cane again?
NOT!
Though i do have some rather interesting looking sunflower stalks that might work just fine.

ooooooooooooooooo!!! “(Sweet Home Alabama) All Summer Long” is playing now. Sorry again. Groovin again, and remembering (though that might not be a good thing).

Now i know i am not the only one out there that has feelings or something similar going on ( or had ) with them. And i am sure i won’t be the last, as life tends to have many circles rotating around in many lives and in many ways. So there is bound to be something to arise, if not exactly, quite similar again. But i would love to know how may subs/slaves out that have actually grown the nerve to tell a Dom to phuk off, or even their own. Or is there a Dom out there that would allow that, or even thinks there are specific times that it is slightly warranted. Or am i just in my own lil fantasy world here, and should i just go back to my playground and duct tape my mouth and let it be? Maybe I should just say that is it, and run away from it all. i think i have set myself up for another switch, but i am cutting it for ‘Myself’ to use. Not sure how that will work, but i am sure ‘I’ will find a way. Hope i can go and build some sandcastles in my sandbox afterwards………anyone want to help? LM s AO.

Well i better get my lil butt in gear here. It has taken me a while to write this, and longer to decide to post this or not. i need to run through the sprinkler and get all soapy clean for the day, and off to a sleep over later at a gf’s.
i wonder if they will help me cut a switch…………or if i should just put on that duct tape and let it all be.

By the way….. that Domme lives in West Virginia. Ummmmm? Different Country i think, and a lil impossible i know.