Home again.
No more horny crickets and silence. No more trees of plenty with clean air, or even the masses of deer that pass by every day just to say hi or get to the salt lick. No more elk spotting, or wondering if a cougar is going to come onto the property this night or not. No more late night fires and guitar singing, no more back woods quading. No more walking to the lake just to take a dip to cool off, or even to float around for a couple of hours. No more - OMG my phone has no bars, and i can't even connect to the net here. lmao.
Back to hearing sirens as soon as i get out of the station that replaced my horny crickets. The muggy heat that makes you gasp for air all day long, and the smog in the air that fills your lungs when you c an breath. Listening to the noise of everyone's cars driving by even as you sit in the silence of your room, and fighting traffic just to go and get a lil fruit. Driving to Kimberly or Camrose to get groceries for a week or two, and stopping for lunch due to being gone all day with that one excursion. Sigh...... no more serenity.
Though i did enjoy my few days of RnR i was privileged to have on my way home. Much needed after all the family and friends hubbub, and even a death in our lil mist. Those days helped me relax, gain myself again, even meditate a lil to those who would wonder, and just "be". Managing even to get more sleep that i think i had the whole trip of two weeks, but knowing it was just the numbers of each night and all the hustle and bustle that had gone on most of the time. i even had the honor of letting go, and then adjusting back to the life i am back into now. Nummy.
Then to my garden i go..........
Hello city, here we are again.
What i was truly hoping i wouldn't have to come home to is all the drama and in-fighting going on between some people in the kink world. Sadly, to my dismay when i turned on my puter this afternoon and went to the first group in alt, this was not true. New threads on old fights, and things that have not settled down. Though i was proud to see some people who i respect actually finally put in some great words that ring some truth, not only of now but what we should be living by from before til now. It is true when someone says that they want to get into certain fights, especially when it gets online and in front of thousands of people. Why should anyone have to get into playground fighting when it should be settled like adults, adults that we are supposed to be. What makes it funny though is when people are called on their mistakes and stupidity, especially the ones that do the most harm, think they are on top and making a point that makes them look even better.
i am not one to sit here and say that i am perfect. i wouldn't want to be, i like my lil flaws and sometimes even the odd lil mistake that i may even make. We all make them, it is how you deal with it afterwards that makes you who you are. But when you go out of your way to actually harm people, especially when they don't deserve or warrent it..... it is just bad form. Not only does it make you look bad, it makes every one around you look bad as well. It saddens me to see what is happening in this city of ours between some really good people that i know, and that it might even hurt some friendships over it all as well. i have never seen it like this, and hope to never again. i have been in this wonderful lifestyle most of my life, and i look forward to living it for the rest of it... be it that i am not discouraged even further from what i am wanting and seeking out of my life and needing. But there are those few lil people that make it hard to just 'be' in most cases, even if you want to try to be in the private party world. If someone isn't gossiping about what you may have done at a party (without your permission to do so, talking to whom ever), they are trying to cut you down in any form they can because just maybe.... your life might be a lil better than yours, or they just don't meld with you and that bothers them and they have to deal with this is a very negative way. This is what hurts everyone around all of us, even the innocent. This drives people away, into their private homes, away from many pervy people that they used to talk to or even maybe even play with or in the same scene. Ever wonder where everyone went............
i was hoping to come home nice and relaxed. Home to having all the bickering and fighting finally over, and maybe even some hurt people mended. And other areas cleared up, and understandings put out so people are not asking the wrong questions or getting the wrong answer if any at all. i look forward to attending the next party, just to say hello to those wonderful people out there. Missing so many of you. Though i am now seeing that some will not be there, and that is saddening. i guess we will have to find a way to chat again.
i pray for everyone to mend in their own way... but to at least mend. If that means going on a trip, finding a place to meditate to find your answers that you seek, or just finding yourself.... then maybe just maybe their might be some sense of healing and stability going on in our fair lil city of kink.
i have been bitten by about a hundred mosquitoes. i even got a lil burned on my face, but that has added to the tan with the rest of my body. Dealt with some sad things that were not wanted or expected...... but we dealt with them, and the memorial afterwards. And my Oldest Niece to whom i was there for the most, doing her generations best quality of nil respect for people who have done so much for her and not really thanking or being there when she should be. Disappointing trust me, and it was not what i thought would happen. But i saw more drunken teenagers under supervision, and not a arrest in sight. This being help with decorum, even though they don't act like they should. Rather wild, and made me think back to that age and go HMMMMMMM. Then it made me wonder who the adults were when reading certain things on line.
But it also made me think what i wanted out of my perfectly perviness. Do i want to have anything to do with the parties and public life at all anymore, as it seems to just cause other people problems a plenty. Could i be happy just "being" in a lil private life at home where ever with whom ever, and occasionally attending the private party at a friends home. Knowing of course that what ever happened there, would stay there and i wouldn't have to worry about my play or actions being talked about to whom ever where ever in what ever manner.... even if it is not true, stretched, or even changed to make the talker look good.
Could i be happy living back in the country????? Where your neighbor can't even hear you if you screamed for help through a mega phone, and you could have a hundred people over for a party and not worry about pissing that neighbor off. After hearing that siren over my horny cricked...... it got me thinking truly hard.
But i think that i should worry more about my pa. Who is really ill, and couldn't make it up for my Nieces special days.... grad and bday stuff. Me being a surrogate mom to her now, i moved the mountains to get there. Dad getting grounded by the docs, and still not in good shape and can't even get to his own quiet private home in the mountain in the middle of no where.... i envy that life some days. Crossing my fingers that he gets out of this lil bump okay, and mends fast. He is pretty much all i have left for immediate family, off set of aunts, uncles and cousins.
There are more important things in life to think about than what so-and-so is doing tonight with whom, or where they went and did what. Yes we all like to talk, and have a good gaggle some times. But life is short, live it.... not in other peoples lives.... or sad ones for that matter. Maybe try to cheer them up and make them feel better, and that might make them help others feel better instead of trying to hurt. Who cares if someone can't go somewhere, there are other places to go. We don't need to make some big political statement about it, especially when you may not know the whole story behind all of it.
Today is a modern age. But i think we need to look back at what and where things used to be, and we all held our decorum. If we didn't have our horny crickets, did we have sirens? Or did we make music instead of war and muck. If something went wrong, it was dealt with, and in a timely fashion without question. That was the way it was, and there was no other way. But now it seems everyone is making up their own rules on how things should be in their world, and everyone has to follow it. It doesn't work that way, as we all can't live in everyone's worldly rules. There was a great comment put up by a Dom/Lord about the "Old Guard" system and how it should be still and was then. i think maybe we should all go have a lil boo at this, and maybe even try to go by some of this again, It just might make merriment in this city of ours again. If we need rules to handle people, then there should be one set for all. And any club or event can do what ever they want.... it is theirs - not ours to police and make rules to. It would be like me trying to rule those skeeters out there, or even the elk to come to the yard every day with her foal. That isn't going to happen, not unless i can speak elk.
i am going to go out and get back to my ripening blueberries. Yipeeeee! Water the much thirsty gardens, and gather the rest of the seeds that need to be taken out of possible seeding. This is all part of meditation for me, as many other things are. Including my trip, and my three days of NUMMMY.
Here is to everyone finding their zen. And maybe some even finding those friendships that might have been lost over the last few months, and if not.... forgiveness at least for sour words that might have been said.
Til we meet again.
"When love goes wrong,
nothing goes right."
Marilyn Monroe
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