Saturday, November 28, 2009
I am finding how sometimes life puts a fork in the road you are walking on and you have no choice but take the one on the left. It could be because that the road on the right is blocked by a tree or even a washed out road, but then it could be due to the fact that one doesn't like what is seen down that path. Sadly that has happened to me recently, and I had to take that left road. I am quite sure it is all for the better, as I do not want to be treated with such disrespect and non compliance ever again as I have been. I don't need a friend, life, situation, partner, or just plain anything like that. It is one thing to have poor treatment, it is another to do so then turn it around and blame the person to whom you are doing sad treatment to. Sorry, I don't play that game. There are several behaviors that can be labelled with that, but why dwell in that. I have washed my hands of said person, and am now back on my own road. Vonderbar.
I gave a lot of myself out there and feel like I didn't have that much in return. Well I can say not all is true there, I did get some things back. I got a lot of heart ache, I got accused of many things I could never do to someone.... things that were done to me. Things were said back n forth that I thought would never be, so I learned a lesson out of it all. And I learned what I do not want out of life, and never will do again. I gained a couple wonderful friends out of it, and I will never let that break from either of them. No matter what happens.
Now this all just leaves me to try to figure the rest of everything else out. That is not so easy to do, and there is not always signs or signals left out in the open for me to read or go by. All I think I can do is go by brail, and hope for the best. I have some of the most wonderful people around me, many who I wouldn't trade for anything. I gained insight lately, not just those few friends in my life from that recent relationship, and with that strength. It may not seem like that on some days, I may seem meager at some moments, but that is due to other things going on in my life. I have this strength going on in me that will never falter, I know more about myself then I ever did. I know more of what I want not only in life, but what I want out of it. The only problem is where to start, and knowing my health is at the top of the list yes, but for the other half of it....... where.
I was asked a question by a very nice fellow a few days back. And he will probably read this, and I hope he doesn't get insulted by me referencing him in here... please don't. "Have you sworn off men all together?" For what would seem to most people, the joe/jane blow, it would seem so. That does not mean I hate men, by no means. I love dick, and probably always will. And yes, I can get quite a lot out of a strap on or many a dildo. There is nothing measuring up to a woman, and I could go on listing here...... there is not enough room or enough time. As that one F-M stated (or rather liked to label, as he loves his labels), I'm a bi-sexual dyke. Now what that means is for your own interpretation, I think it means I'm just me. Queer and loving it! Fem Leather Dyke who is ruff around the edges, who just loves to get fucked! If there is something wrong with that, arrest me. You better use the good cuffs for that, as I just might try to get out for the fun of it. *wink wink*.
I am still a Dom. No longer that slave from way back, that is lost in the archives. Not that I don't like to get those needles poked through me once in a while... okay more than that. I have grown, and look forward to more growth. There is always room for that, and of course more learning. I am brushing up on everything I have gone through and learned in my long life of perviness, taking every workshop and course I can. Why not. Not only is it worth while for me, it is for anyone I play with. I have been through a lot, learned a lot, done a lot, seen a lot.... omg, that is a lot. Trying to think of something I haven't done..... animals, kids, dead....... short list. Sheesh, I should do a bucket list I think, next post maybe. A bucket list of kink, hmmm I think I am on to something there. OOOOOOOOOooooooo. shhhhhh. What is after that, finish my book. Get my jaw fixed, get my lupus under control, get the rest of my body under control and on the mend, and then go back and re-certify and go back to work. YES!
As for answers..... not sure if there are any that I will have for now. If there are, I don't have any to post for anyone's eyes. Private eyes will find you, and you know whom you are. I have so much to do in the next few months, and more I want to do. I can't wait to see all that is to come, and what else I can put in my book. If I find that road to the right, oh please run along side me. You never know what might happen, party all the way pervs!
And if there is anyone out there that is sore from anything that has happened around me... or better yet because of me..... Oh Muffin. Usually it is because I have been truly sadistic, or you deserved it. It's called Karma; I have had my fare share, you will get yours as well. So think about how you treat people, and pay it forward the good that you get.
I am donating this year again.... I don't have much, but there are people out there that are far worse off than myself. Trust me. I don't complain really, but look around our city.... heck look around our world. Find that lil someone who needs a meal, or a warm coat, or just a friendly smile to help them through their ruff time. You never know what difference you make in their lives, it could be as strong as holding them up off the street or off that bridge.
Next post: Yukon skeeters make it to vancouver!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Already halfway into another month. Wow how times flies, and not always in the way we would want it to. You can’t always get what you want as the song states, but you can wish for it. I would say think positive, and then roll with what you have.
I can sit here in my life thinking back on the last few months and wonder. But I am doing everything in my power of my mind not to, and just to look forward as to what may come. I have had a lot of fun these last couple of months, with many things that have gone on in my life. Including letting a certain girl in, or rather back in, more permanent. I don’t think I would call her a “GF” per say, and I certainly will not call her a sub of mine. Though I will call her a play partner for sure, and I love her in a way that in special between us. She has her things going on in her life that she has to straighten out, and when all is said and done then maybe we can look at what is going on between us.
But for now….. I am loving playing with her, spanking her, caning her, and flogging her…. And of course, filling her full of needles. She is a pervy girl, and I love this about her. Love making her cum, and when during play she looks so pretty when doing so. Nummmmmy! Just a cutie.
I miss my pup. So don ‘t get me wrong in thinking that this wonderful bundle of girl is replacing anything, as she doesn’t. I love my women, and always will. I am queer as anyone knows, and have always been. Tried the whole man thingy, and well it just didn’t go all that well having a man over me. And for the most part the men either didn’t like me having women on the side, or had ulterior motives when I did. So there will never be that again, I know what I love and need in my life. Girls girls girls. But for that last chance I took in male bonding, I miss. Yes I wish I could have that time back, though you can never look back. That would have to be something renewed, if it were ever to be again. But for now, I am doing my thing the way I want. He is doing his thing the way he wants, and has set that clear as well. As long as we can maintain that friendship, I think that can be more important than anything for us. And hopefully nothing will ever come between us again, no matter what the situation. Life certainly is not the same without pup, and there is an empty space there like a hole that I can’t seem to fill. But I am sure that is something that is felt by anyone that loses something that is precious in their life, and are not sure what to do or how to go on after. It is something that you have to learn to live without, and hopefully not only grow from it but go on. Yes, sad, lonely and depressed….. But I will keep going on.
So where does that leave me now……. Looking to the future. Things that I want in my life, and things that I need. I need my health to level off, I need my face fixed, and I need that treatment for my bones and blood. That would be number 1 for me, and the rest will follow. As for life’s relationships, I am letting the cards fall as they may. I am not going out seeking anything, or hoping that there is something out there so let’s go and tail it. I know there will be something in my life, and when it is right it will be there for me. As for now, I want to have fun while I am living my life to the fullest. Go to the Leather parties that made me so happy so m any years ago, as I have gone back to what put that smile on my face when I was younger. Spend time with what keeps me going, and with women that peek me.
Now on the other sides of life……
I have been house sitting in the valley for going on almost a month now. Talk about a nice break really, but weird. I have been able to have birdie here as well, though their cat is rather neurotic for my tastes when it comes to how he reacts to them going away. And now that the weather has even worsened since being out here, it makes traveling back n forth not so great. Even today sucked, as I ended up in a down pour just as I got into Vancouver, and then left in dryness….. But came back to rain for the walk home off transit. Not nice. What makes this even more sweet, there is a dungeon here. Yippeeee! So when able, I have made use of it of course. Only a few more days left to use it, and yes I am in there like a dirty shirt again after a workshop tomorrow night. It’s always nice when you have a dungeon on hand for use when ever you like, then you don’t have to worry about travel back and forth to home from one after a great play. That can take away the nummyness of what was a wonderful feeling going on, and leave you feeling cold and awful. So needle play at workshop, come here after and place more in to make more pretty designs (as if I haven’t put enough in her already last week), then take the “professor” after her ass. Yes! Now that is my idea of a fun night, and I can’t wait to get to tomorrow. Yes, I’m a perv. Please don’t tell the world.
So after this next set of play I am going to have to hit the needle store up and stock up finally. I was trying to get through the old ones, as I can’t handle having them lying around for too long. One never knows what truly is their shelf life, so it is always good to get the rotation through as soon as you can. I do know I have to get in a rather large order, and I think I know where I am going to go due to the size….. I just hope I can go there. If not, I know of another source. My next pin cushion is getting a few hundred put in twice. Once here for a test run, and then on the island for a few others to see. I can’t wait. Now that should be a whole lot of fun, and has been far to long a wait to do that one.
I have made a few parties this year. Though the best are the Mayhem ones so far, and I have enjoyed the smaller ones as well. I am looking forward to the ones coming up. I can’t wait to the end of the year ones, as more people tend ot go out, and I get in a wee bit more socializing in. Say my yearly hellos, and how ya do’s. Not sure how much play I will get in, but at least I can get out. Until then……….
I have to mention that there is someone out there who attended the last Mayhem party that I thought was a solid person. It was her first leather event, and I would have thought them to read the rules. They consider themselves a slave, so the board rules tend to go across generally. No? Well after leaving that party, she thought it upon herself to blog everything that happened there, in full detail. Not impressive if you ask me, or anyone I know. What happens at a party stays at the party, and that includes other peoples play.... unless you have expressed permission to chat about it. And I can say this, there is no permission given on 99% of the play there, except her own play. she was written to about one person's, asked to take it down, and she has yet to do so.... let alone even respond to that email. Disgusting. And people wonder what is wrong with this so called community. There ya have it. Leather people would never do this, not in a million years. Takes a wanna-be bi girl, who doesn't know the lifestyle to go there, and ruin it for the people who actually live it. I am not impressed. What makes it worse, it makes me think twice about going to public parties.... especially if she is going to be there.
Now that is not a good thought for this month.
The steam baths were a good thought. I came out feeling nummy and like a brussels sprout. Perfect.