I am finding how sometimes life puts a fork in the road you are walking on and you have no choice but take the one on the left. It could be because that the road on the right is blocked by a tree or even a washed out road, but then it could be due to the fact that one doesn't like what is seen down that path. Sadly that has happened to me recently, and I had to take that left road. I am quite sure it is all for the better, as I do not want to be treated with such disrespect and non compliance ever again as I have been. I don't need a friend, life, situation, partner, or just plain anything like that. It is one thing to have poor treatment, it is another to do so then turn it around and blame the person to whom you are doing sad treatment to. Sorry, I don't play that game. There are several behaviors that can be labelled with that, but why dwell in that. I have washed my hands of said person, and am now back on my own road. Vonderbar.
I gave a lot of myself out there and feel like I didn't have that much in return. Well I can say not all is true there, I did get some things back. I got a lot of heart ache, I got accused of many things I could never do to someone.... things that were done to me. Things were said back n forth that I thought would never be, so I learned a lesson out of it all. And I learned what I do not want out of life, and never will do again. I gained a couple wonderful friends out of it, and I will never let that break from either of them. No matter what happens.
Now this all just leaves me to try to figure the rest of everything else out. That is not so easy to do, and there is not always signs or signals left out in the open for me to read or go by. All I think I can do is go by brail, and hope for the best. I have some of the most wonderful people around me, many who I wouldn't trade for anything. I gained insight lately, not just those few friends in my life from that recent relationship, and with that strength. It may not seem like that on some days, I may seem meager at some moments, but that is due to other things going on in my life. I have this strength going on in me that will never falter, I know more about myself then I ever did. I know more of what I want not only in life, but what I want out of it. The only problem is where to start, and knowing my health is at the top of the list yes, but for the other half of it....... where.
I was asked a question by a very nice fellow a few days back. And he will probably read this, and I hope he doesn't get insulted by me referencing him in here... please don't. "Have you sworn off men all together?" For what would seem to most people, the joe/jane blow, it would seem so. That does not mean I hate men, by no means. I love dick, and probably always will. And yes, I can get quite a lot out of a strap on or many a dildo. There is nothing measuring up to a woman, and I could go on listing here...... there is not enough room or enough time. As that one F-M stated (or rather liked to label, as he loves his labels), I'm a bi-sexual dyke. Now what that means is for your own interpretation, I think it means I'm just me. Queer and loving it! Fem Leather Dyke who is ruff around the edges, who just loves to get fucked! If there is something wrong with that, arrest me. You better use the good cuffs for that, as I just might try to get out for the fun of it. *wink wink*.
I am still a Dom. No longer that slave from way back, that is lost in the archives. Not that I don't like to get those needles poked through me once in a while... okay more than that. I have grown, and look forward to more growth. There is always room for that, and of course more learning. I am brushing up on everything I have gone through and learned in my long life of perviness, taking every workshop and course I can. Why not. Not only is it worth while for me, it is for anyone I play with. I have been through a lot, learned a lot, done a lot, seen a lot.... omg, that is a lot. Trying to think of something I haven't done..... animals, kids, dead....... short list. Sheesh, I should do a bucket list I think, next post maybe. A bucket list of kink, hmmm I think I am on to something there. OOOOOOOOOooooooo. shhhhhh. What is after that, finish my book. Get my jaw fixed, get my lupus under control, get the rest of my body under control and on the mend, and then go back and re-certify and go back to work. YES!
As for answers..... not sure if there are any that I will have for now. If there are, I don't have any to post for anyone's eyes. Private eyes will find you, and you know whom you are. I have so much to do in the next few months, and more I want to do. I can't wait to see all that is to come, and what else I can put in my book. If I find that road to the right, oh please run along side me. You never know what might happen, party all the way pervs!
And if there is anyone out there that is sore from anything that has happened around me... or better yet because of me..... Oh Muffin. Usually it is because I have been truly sadistic, or you deserved it. It's called Karma; I have had my fare share, you will get yours as well. So think about how you treat people, and pay it forward the good that you get.
I am donating this year again.... I don't have much, but there are people out there that are far worse off than myself. Trust me. I don't complain really, but look around our city.... heck look around our world. Find that lil someone who needs a meal, or a warm coat, or just a friendly smile to help them through their ruff time. You never know what difference you make in their lives, it could be as strong as holding them up off the street or off that bridge.
Next post: Yukon skeeters make it to vancouver!
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