Saturday, September 26, 2009

Where Does The Time Go For The Near & Dear?

So now my head is exploding......

Not sure if it is because I have been crying way too much. Or maybe because I am trying to hold back the tears, to which I think now is a very bad idea. Migraine, Migraine, Migraine. Face hurts as well. But at least I had a wonderful shoulder to lean on when I heard the news. Thank you.

A brother of mine died a few days back. Sadly due to not answering a couple of texts, thinking they were spam, I didn't get the news till today. Grrrrr. And with him was also a wonderful friend (a "FB" ex) who had a broken neck due to this, and is not doing to great. This all happening out hunting on a boat up north, and my dear friend having a hear attack at 49 at the helm. He lived a hard life, but sheesh.... a bit young in my books for that. The only thought going through a few of our minds, he went in a way he loved. This doesn't comfort the blow that much, and still can't take away how much it hurts. I think more so as there was no hello or good bye in the last few years, and wishing those last rides that were taken weren't so far back.

There were never enough Toy Runs, Partys, or just hanging about the shop. And I remember the day he asked me to polish his bike with a q-tip, and of course my answer to that one. I remember the first time I rode that sporty, yup that was my day..... thanks dude, my bike now. The drinking competition he and a few got me into, stupid mistake on their part... lesson well learned. And that one particular Sail Pass with 'N' as Santa that year, and we had him on his boat. And OMG, the waves and 'N' drunk and riding it like a bull rider. Shit, I'm sure they all thought we were going down at the super port on turn around. But nope, he new that boat all too well. Gonna miss him.

So where does the time go when you have all those great memories out there and you don't get together enough to reminisce. Do we forget to take the time out of our lives to get together with our family and friends, before it's too late. Especially with those that mean so much to us, that are near and dear to our hearts. When was the last time you called up that person you considered to be your besty, and haven't had the time to.... or just maybe haven't made the time to. People that have made impressions in our lives, people that meant so much to us. Like my brother who I stole a t-shirt from, and said I would give it back in 10 years... do a swap for another. Well, we are just over that 10 year mark by about a year or so. And here I sit, with that first t-shirt wondering how do I say hello and goodbye again.

Rest in Peace my brother.
Summerland is your home now

Sunday Brunch - Tri-City - Sept. 27th

Greetings Fellow Kinksters & Munchie's, There is a brunch this coming Sunday Sept. 27th. Usual time of 11:30-am till when ever in the afternoon, and meet up with cassey and Friends (and if I can make it when I'm on-time as some would gaggle about). Hopefully usual spot up top beside the bookshelf, behind the fire. If not just down below. It is the 'monthly' (The last Sunday of EVERY month)Tri City Brunch held at the John B Pub. Excellent food, wonderful people, awsome service, cute too, and just a wonderful day to be. Here is the food information for the Tri City Brunch There is a huge spread of food for pretty munch everyone's tastes out there. Delectibles from here to the caspian sea, and sweets and fruit to compliment. There is several salads, and fresh veggies for the munchies. Pure Nummmyness. It is worth the cost. And you can order from the menue after 12:30 pm. if the buffet is not for you. Tri City Sunday Brunch ! Sunday, Sept. 27th, 2009 11:30am to 1:30pm or so (til late afternoon) John B Pub 1000 Austin Ave. @ Blue Mountain Coquitlam, BC. ! Wwe sit up top on the back side of the fireplace, against the window wall to the right, left if facing out of the bookshelf. Look to Yyour right when walking in, and Yyou should see Uus in the distance. Teddy Bear is almost done for identification. If not, pls ask a server. *Again pls try to inform or email me if Yyou can, as i can have enough seeting for Aall. Please email me here or @ or Hope to see Yyou there. Have a great week and weekend Kinsters. Kinky Regards BB lil d *PS** Next Brunch is: Sunday Oct. 25th, 2009. *****The Next Tri- City Munch is Wed. Sept. 30th

Sunday, September 20, 2009

When did Stella get her groove back?

Wondering what I'm doing some days with this life. Sometimes there are days that I turn and look within myself and wonder what I'm doing, as when a certain someone has said or done a specific thing I start to think. It makes me ponder what all is going on around me, not just what is transpiring from my own self. 

I've learned a wee information about my body that I am sure I didn't want to know but needed to. S of course this makes me ponder what I'm doing. And I'm doing the right thing. Should I be taking someone down my road with me, and is it fare to them. Even though they know the consequences and still choose to be with me, and know exactly what I am going to possibly going through (not counting already what is going on). But then I wonder is it right, and should I make that decision for them instead. Of course due to some rather redundant people's actions a bit back, it has changed my life quite a bit. I am not exactly where I would like to be, and it also has made ways I feel worse. So i leaves a good portion of my kink feelings on the road side, even though I am fighting to stay on course. Being too tired to be me, well that is a travesty. But I shouldn't take others with me on the downward spiral, I don't care if they agree to or not.
And I won't forget the email I received the other day from my brilliant dentist asking me to make an appointment to coming for a cleaning and chk up, to which just makes my face hurt with the thought. Though of course I should go asap to find out if there is any news on a possible surgeon found, even if that is only 20% of the problem.... what I would do to chew through food without wondering if I'm going to lose my jaw that time or not. But of course it still leaves everything else not being dealt with, that being a big problem as well. I'm getting just a wee bit miffed at this system, and a few docs here. Daily pain and the feeling of wanting to toss the cookies out the car window are a great feeling, ok that was not true.

I see so much around going on. Not only do I see many people having a wonderful life and all things great and small just buzzing along as if there wasn't a care in the world, but I also see the suffering that goes on as well when there is nothing but a crumb in from of them to share with 10 people.... and no shelter to think of. 

"Mom's Day" went by yesterday and I didn't even get to go say hello as I usually do. That sucked. Not only was I stuck still trying to fix things in data entry, and get more entry done..... But by the time that all that was taken away from me (think I'm out of a job now due to all the problems of program, and roomie fucking up and me losing all the data, great), it was pouring out and in no weather shape to go to Jeriko Beach to say hello ma. Not sure why it seems this day gets harder ever year, but it does. Every other day seems to get a lil easier (except today as I feel like shit, and I'm missing ma), but Ma's Day gets harder every time. And this year I think is worse not only cause I didn't get to go as I have for 13 years now, but because I am so in not my great state I could really use that hug from her that always made me feel better - no matter what was ahead of me, it made me feel better.
When pup came by yesterday to grab my laptop from me I'm sure I was looking like I was in a sad state of affairs. Though it doesn't resinate with him what was going on with me, just that I was having a bad day. I'm sure he just thought I wasn't feeling well, and wanted to console me on that. Sweet, really, and thankful for it, but just doesn't fill the hole. Anyone who has known me for at least 6 years knows that this day is not great, but I still like to go and spend time with the water, and then go have a toasty. I think it gets harder to explain to new people in my life, or people that might not quite understand. If only it was easy to explain it all, especially they way.

So when did Stella get her groove back? I don't plan on waiting til I get out of this flare, that is for sure. I would like to have at least part of my life back soon, if not now. Not to call myself a puma or anything along that line, but I have a young guy I should be dancing in the streets right now..... but alas he is not even in my bed right now..... Still wondering where he is right now as well. If he has my laptop to do work, then the lil shit should be at home doing it. No? Or at least letting me know of his where a bouts so I am not sitting here going what the frig, and then wondering if I am making the right choices.
Do I have to go to some tropical get away to get my groove back? I would love to, if someone could send me. Pls, no objections here if someone wants to whisk me away....... anyone. I would settle for a spa retreat 50kms away right now, even in the burbs and a massage. lol. Not the exotic kind either, a real one. Must get away I think for a few days, maybe that will help me out. Look for my groove........ doesn't seem to be here, and it isn't in my closet. Not coming out of there again, though I could go back in again, maybe......