Hmmmmm, Should i, or should it just be.

On Monday this past week i was fully prepared to come home after my day and completely barf in my blog(s). i had one of those days that just got to me, everything that has been going on in my life for the last 7 years has just piled on way too much by that day. Thinking just when i was having a great time so far this year, needle play and all.... then the hammer hit. Though there was a 10% positive in it, it was still overshadowed. i thought to myself i would let the week go by and see how i feel from here. So i have, and i think i am still going to ponder on all of this yet. i have read a few blogs on some wonderful friends of mine, and how they chat openly of how what may be happening in their lives health wise can be affecting them and those around them. It is a good read yes, and sometimes extremely positive in its own rite. But then there are those times i just want to hug that person and cry, as i can feel that pain and the healer in me just wants to make all that disapear. With all this thinking going on in my lil head, it makes me wonder if i should spill how i feel and what all is going on with me. Maybe some people would understand what is going on, why i am not always "out" there, why i may not feel all that well all the time, why i am not always my happy-go-lucky self as much these days, and maybe just so tired all the darn time. Would it solve how people react around me, or would it make things worse off. Would it stop all the questions, or would they ask more. Or would there be pitty, something i really do not want. Just understanding...... and maybe that surgery that i have needed for so long that has helped with all those other complications that make my life wonderful.

Now don't get me wrong.... i love my life. i love who i am, and who i have become over the years. And i am truly loving who am becoming, and i look forward to that wonderful road ahead.... i actually can't wait to see where i am going from here - health aside from it all. As all that poo is a moot point in most of my living being really, i can look beyond most of it and just be me. It is just those days that i have a bad day now and then, and just don't feel like being me. lol. Funny though, as i am typing this i am smiling. It is ironic all that i have learned over these past 7 years, and what i will learn. All of this i can pass on to someone else, and maybe hopefully more than just one. As with my life i can take what i am going through and turn it into a kinky life, and also how to live with it in that kinky life... how to deal with certain situations and just maybe how to get past some situations. And if not, how to cry through it all and then get up and put a smile on that face and move on to the next day.
i am one of those people that dances like no one is watching. Live life like this may be your last day. And by all means.... look at your friends around you, as those are your family as well... not just blood. Treat everyone as you want to be treated, it all comes back on you.... even those lil creatures in the trees.

So after a few days of frustrating times with bad corks doing wine..... i am now going to take a long breath, then a hot shower. Eat some icecream... not only for comfort, but to keep the face down from swelling as i do have a migraine now. grrr. But i am still smiling, as i am alive and have many friends that i can call my family. Then i am going to meditate off to sleep into my dream land, to which most people could not even fathom.i look forward to tomorrow. Sushi dinner with people i adore and love, and discuss some wonderful things to come. And just maybe, it will be just as sunny as it was today around my house. Oh yes.... hug my poor lil roomy that has a migraine as well... poor thing. She looks so cute in pink jammies. shhh i didn't say that out loud.
Nite all.BB

Cont... What a Happy New Years Indeed 2009

.........So it seems that the lil birdies have followed me to my new home. Strange, but true. i was at the old place yesterday, and there is not a bird around... not ever a track. But there were over 10 of the lil guys in the tree just outside of my back deck off the kitchen, and that i find rather interesting and warming. So do i not only have the one lil guy knocking at my front door, they know how to find me in the house as well. Rather cute..... but wondering if i should be disturbed. hmmmmm. Alfred Hitchcock comes to mind here, but with smaller dudes. lol. So when out shopping yesterday for a few things for myself and the house.... and a dear friend here... i picked up a lil feeder and some food. They didn't have the food i would normally get (grrrrr), but i picked up some finch food which will suffice for now until i can find the truly good stuff they love. It has cracked corn and sunflower seeds in it, not just the lil wee stuff in it. Then i spent a good half hour setting up the lil feeder and making sure if will withstand a good mighty wind here, and filled it almost to the brim. So my next task is to finally get out there and shovel off that lil back deck (and the lift for Zepher) in the rain, and get the feeder up. They tore through the bread crumbs and tiny corn crumbs i put our yesterday just on the ledge, so i imagine they will get through this batch fairly fast. Hungry lil guys, with no food source out there.

To top off yesterdays events..... earlier in the day i finally seen the coyote that has been roaming around the neighborhood and making tracks even in my yard. i know for a fact he is having problems finding food around here, but at least he doesn't look mange yet... that is slightly comforting. i am not about to feed him, that would involve finding mice..... i like those lil guys way too much for that task. i love all those lil creatures out there, even the coyotes, but sheesh.... i will go only so far. Maybe he will find a squirrel or two before i plant for the summer season, and my sunflowers come into bloom. Ok, not that i am wishing harm.... but it is nature - and i have to think of my nuts and seeds too. blush

Yes it is a new year......... Now if i can only find someone to get rid of this snow and the tree barf i still have around here....... any volunteers?

What a very Happy New Years indeed...... (from Fetlife Jan.2,2009)

Jan. 2, 2009

To start off this most pleasurable 2009........

More poky things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The most beautiful corset i could ever have received for a prezzie. OMGoodness. And NUMMY! 24 perfect poky things, to hold together a sweet red elastic red ribbon.........just the way to ring in a new year. Send out the old, to which in some ways to a few i know was not always the best, including myself (as losing a dear one to my own heart).... though it also had some very wonderful times as well - some i will carry with me for the rest of my life and the people who took me there and/or shared those with me. Of course after the attachment of the corset about an hour later (not sure of the time.. a lil floaty) Wwe played. Canes of course. lol. No part left off course, and yes those lil poky things got er too. Pure bliss by the end of it all, and i am still smiling. Can't wait to show the pics.

i think i am good for a bit. It's like a fine choco....... have a really delightful one that melts in your mouth just that way, and all the rest pail in comparison for a while after. i do believe this is going to be it for the time being, and that is just fine with me. Thank You Lord Braven for such a Nummy Prezzie! Muah! So i am typing now, while this is all still hot in my lil head and i am just right..... and then off to dream land i will go. Tomorrow i will finish this lil account of all that has happened over the last lil while into this past 24 hours, and post it in my blog. And i think that will be the end to my 2008 year of "stuff".

Til then.......

Happy New Year to Aall of Yyou that have made my life so abound with life and beauty. Full of perviness in so many ways; either personally, or just being Yyou around me - Thank Yyou. Happy Yule to Eeveryone out there.... may the year bring exciting and great things to Yyou all around.

There are so many people i would love to mention that have made this last year just purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect and perfectly pervy for me... i really wouldn't know where to start...but there are a few i can not miss. And if i didn't mention Yyou in name, that doesn't mean i don't appreciate Yyou for all that Yyou have done or been..... it is just that i have such a long list in my head.... and i am still not quite on the ground from earlier either. Give me a few days, and i am sure i will get to Yyou at some point. but huggers and smooches.... wgem... thanx for being you and so generous with all that you do for everyone out there. you rock!!!! JohnBaku... thanx for starting this great lil comunity..... You rock and You know it!!! i have said that to You before, and will always say it again. Huugers to You and Your girl, and Happy New Years. s.h. ..... or rather mr. h. ...... double thanx for just being you and for being there when i needed you the most. Not only are you a great friend, you are a great gf, ff, bf, df (when i really need that one - and gawd are you good at that! it's all in the eyes), and even a mf when i feel a lil sadistic on that rare bmoon occasion. Yes it is a time for you now, but it will get better..... i know this. See you on the flip side..... and don't forget the sushi and saki and maybe some vino and a movie for a cuddle, just because that's what friends do. J.W. aka BM ...... Thank You for those wonderful times this past summer. Very needed, yes...... especially after that non-stop party trip i took. Something i will never forget, and i am sure will never be matched. The sun, the surf, the fire.............the memories will always be there. Thank you L.T. you have always been a great friend. No matter how many hickies between the tits i can give to you in public through the years, and how many times that story gets told... you still love me for it. "grins". Not a Dom... er days goes by that i don't have a fond memory of you when i look back to when Wwe were finally formally introduced instead of the "hello's" in passing or online chit, and just knowing who Wwe each were..... and how you were so there for me this last year when my closest friend passed on me. Between you and indi, i don't know who held me up more. Hugs and tons of lovies. You rock!!!!! indi..... though i know you won't be in here to read this.... you fucking rock sis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you have been there for me in so many ways, i can't even count. And now even my best friends girl friend has now gone to join him in "summerland", and in the same year.... i don't know how i can even begin to be there for you as you were there for me in the same situation, and hug you just as hard and hold you up. A crappy start to a year, to end in such a crappy way. sucks. Those lil souls went in two different ways, but it never seems to change the hurt. Happy-go-lil-buggers they were...... Here is to them! But most of all... here is to you... my best friend!

k. on that note. i am going to sign off. Get my happy back before i crawl off to sleep, maybe have a glass of vino or something.... boo at some pics. Who knows. Remember all those other people that made my year here and there..... grab a tissue first.

Huggers to Yyou all. Happy New Years! Happy Yule!!!!! Luv ya!

ps....

my roomies..... up and down... Thank Yyou!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not only have Yyou made this move fun, but worth it. i love my house, though yes it does have a quirk or two, but i am glad i went for this one and said yes to it. Tree barf and all. i am sure i will get over the tree barf over the years, and even the snow plows not liking me. And once i finish fixing it up a lil more, i will love it even more. But i do love Yyou all, and that is what matters. Thank Yyou all for moving in this lil place with me. Huggers to Yyou especially for this.

Poky Things from Santa, and tree barf for the coal. (from Fetlife)

Dec 27, 2008

Finally got my poky things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am a happy girl finally. i am going to keep this short, and very sweet as i can... with a sour note on the end. Yes i did get my poky things, and i got them good. With the VW added to the mix, and making me jump a few times...... don't need to do any sit-ups for a few days to work off that choco that i ate making the ginger bread house during the snowed in day. lol. shhhhh.

But sadly after coming home from a most pleasurable couple of days...... i have not only a ton of more snow to deal with, and getting plowed in for the umpteenth time..... i have tree barf not only on the side of the house, on the deck, on the shed (to which needs a new roof..grrr), and on the other side of the house (which is not in a danger zone). All this has to be removed asap, and no one here to do it. The tree dude was to show up today, and his car was stuck. i re-arranged my day for him, and he is a no show. Frig me, so now i have tomorrow to deal with this. And on top of that, stormy weather again on the way. pfffft. Needing two trees down for sure. Knew that months ago, but couldn't do anything about it at that time. Thought i could get away with a few branches after the holidays. Boy was i wrong. lol

poor critters that use those trees. i feel for them. oh ya.... i almost forgot. i think a bird followed me from the old house. Not kidding. i have birdie tracks at my front door, and no where else in this whole yard. It was like he was knocking on my door, and wanting food that i haven't put out for him in the old yard. Crazy dude. Need a feeder now as well, never ends in that part. lol. Silly bird, knocking is for people.

Happy Yule. Happy New Years (if one celebrates that)

See everyone soon i hope..... poo on me missing that big party.... had to shovel snow off the deck, and deal with tree barf. grrrrrrrrr. i am going to go so wild at the next one, they will tie me down and not let me play. :|