Monday, January 28, 2008

Life Truly Is Not Fare To The Innocent Ones

Some times when one would think that life didn't throw enough at you, or you thought it was just finally getting right...... it throws you a curve ball. Or in my words..... the whip cracks on the tail bone in a bad way, and the pain just seems to be in the wrong way.

It's one thing when i am not feeling well, and my health is not always that great. and i can deal with that, and plug along just wonderful. i get through all my stupid lil tests that they put me through, feel sick afterwards usually from most of them, then take some of the most moot meds one should ever swallow. And in the end, not really feel or thing that you are getting any where. Maybe a collapsed vein for a couple of months, or more run down t
han usual, or even the thought of food makes you want to vomit just that lil more often than usual. but you can get through it all, as your a trouper and your strong. There is a reason for this all, and there is a light at the end of this medical tunnel.... yes there is and it is worth it all in the long run. And you have good friends and lovables around you to make you feel all that more better when you are down, the ones that make you smile when it is hard to put that smile on your face some days.
But this past month i am hurting in a different way that just breaks my heart. the one thing that makes my day every day, that brings me up when i am down, that loves me no matter what and or i look or feel.... well, he is sick now. This all started late last summer, and thought is was nipped in the bud thinking it was just an infection, but sadly it wasn't. And in this last month or so he has gotten very ill, and lost a tremendous amount of weight, and lost all his vigor and vim.... and that wonderful light in his lil brown/blue eyes.

Yes, my dude stevie is not well. :( . He is my bud, my best friend, and well my companion if you will. i have had him since before he was born, and hope to have him well before his time is done ( pure boxer years are 15 or so ). and this is just killing me inside to see him like this, and making life hard on me let alone him... more so to see him in this kind of pain and illness. At first not knowing what it was, and the vet having her ideas (thinking it was his prostate). And me thinking, more so hoping, it was his kidneys. But alas, after numerous dollars, and 3 x-rays later we do have an answer. And not what i wanted to hear.
My baby has a tumor in his tummy. A very large tumor at that, and it is pushing up on his intestines. This is causing him not wanting to eat now, what a challenge that is, as he has lost 20 pounds now. Though we don't know if it has mastasized anywhere else, or what type yet - this can not be told by the x-rays. This can only be told by a scan, which i am on a month long list for. And of course numerous tests, to determine what type it is. i am not going to give up, as we are going to give it the go ol' boxer fight. i will starve if i have to, to fix him and make my dude all better. This we have been doing already, as we have been trying to fight things already even before knowing what it was, and things do work. And we are doing thing in a more holistic way, as it seems to respond better with animals. As for surgery - some animals do well for a year or so after depending with this in the tummy, some don't. This all depends though, and how healthy the animal was in the first place. But i am not sure where i am going with that as of yet, and if it has spread.... it might not be an option. But we do know that it probably is not in his lungs, as his breathing seems to be fine and no coughing.
What bothers me as i try to grasp all this and wrap my head around it all in these last couple of days since friday. He is such an innocent, a dude that healed everyone else. Stevie would come up to you if you were down and hug you to make you feel better, or if you were sick try to make you better in any way. If you had a wound of any type, try to fix it for you. He was the healer, he was "mister happy go lucky". Why him. this i don't understand. And he is only 7 and a bit, by all means not old for a boxer. Even though his vet says it is common in boxers..... still. Grrrrr. He is the unique one on the boxer world, the one that this shouldn't happen to... you know. The dog that would see a squirrel and start to run like it, exactly just to see if he can catch it. But feel it's pain if it was dying when it fell from a tree, and that did happen... actually cried he did. Is just like one of the kids, but the best guard dog one could have.... and everyone's friend at the same time (even the cats). Sadly though, it is hard to see that all in him now. There is all this wonderful snow on the ground for him to play in now, and it takes all he has just to play with the ball in it for 15 minutes. This when just a month ago he would be plowing through it like a barrel on starroids, and there was no stopping him. And his favorite food doesn't even get him a second sniff now, even if i butter it up with bacon grease. Just is not fare. And yes anyone can say life isn't fare, but truly this isn't. If you only knew him.

So i guess my point this time being, especially when i haven't written in so long, is that never put anything past anywhere. Just when you thought life or nature was right and even with things, it can f*ck you or your lovable pets up in the most disturbing ways. Ways that just do not seem right at all. Have you ever thought that you would give your life for your pet? Yes they are a part of your family, and yes like a child to you..... but would you trade spots with them just so they would not suffer such a fate?
i would right now.

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