Signatures - Thank You Sir, may i have another?

There are different kinds of signatures that one can receive from a Top. What i have is beautiful bruises, bruises that have stuck around for a lil while.
What is it about signatures though? Is it a need that They have to do? Is it a want? Or is it just something for them to do? Marking Their territory, saying this in Mine, and I was here. Or maybe just a reminder not only for Them to see later, but also for the bottom as well to see that They were there as well. This isn't just your regular bruising here that comes with a play session that has gotten a lil hard in certain places, this the Top/Saddist actually leaving Their mark on purpose. They could use a pen, i know a few that do. Using certain words for their bottoms, calling them names of what they are, or how well they have been. Not a bad way to sign, not for me though.
When i think back to these signatures that i have on me now...... Not only do i think Nummy, but i think of the whole play session and how it transpired. Before W/we even played that evening He had warned me that He was going to mark me, and where he was going to mark me. His favourite spots to mark His girls, and why in a round-about way. And during O/our play, one could tell that He was thoroughly enjoying Himself with His work. Of course i was enjoying myself as well, Not to knock what was going on. But it is always a curriosity of what is going on in Their brain sometimes when this is all going on, even though i have Topped several times (just not in a manner to mark in such a way).
In that same evening Sir even noticed afterwards that these marks were already there. This is something that wasn't going to wait till the next day to show up, no. He had enough fun signing me that they were already inking and rising to the top of my skin within the time span it took to cool down from the play. Not long when i think of it all, but then i really wasn't all there. i will have to ask about this one, not sure if He will tell me though. lol. He also took a wonderful delight in taking pictures right away, and of course the next day. Now by the next day, you can only imagine what they looked like then.
His signatures are on my inner thighs. This where Sir likes to sign, His favourite spot. Though He did not leave my bumm out of the picture, but my thighs were where He truly enjoyed Himself. Nasty, mean, devious, Saddistic, wonderful...... Nummy. Of course He now has a slew of pictures of His marks, i wouldn't deny Him this. And even after He took picks the next couple days afterwards, they have even gotten darker. And He even added the remark a few days later.... hoping that they remain a lil longer than usual. Made me think on this a bit, but i can understand why. To make me think on it. Who i am, who i am to Him, what i am, what i am to Him. His. His toy. And after all is said and done after the play is over, His service, His wench.

i thank Sir for His signature. It means a lot to me that He has done these, even though they go away eventually.... and by the time i see Him again, they will have faded quite a bit. i haven't got to the pool because of these, as they were quite visable. But they are now going down, and will be gone soon. And then some day, he will put His signature back again. Why? To say He was there. To make me think. Who is He. Who am i.

Thank You Sir.
May i have another?

Pervy Gardening

Pervy Gardening

Jul 11, 2008 10:04 pm
Mood: dirty,
13 Views

Had a wonderful time in the gardens today. Gardened in a bikini top and short shorts, with a rip in one cheek. Wonder if anyone got a good view. It was just too hot to put on a shirt and pants, and i truly need to even out this tan i got from my trip. Now i am knowing that will take a lil time as this climate is way different from the one i was in, and that is not good. This is muggy hot, and the good one is dry hot. Way better tanning conditions. lol
So i am wondering how many peeps got a good peep. hehehehehehe. Next time i should plan a accidental fall out or something. hmmmm.Oh well. Now just time to relax, have some pineapple and wait for the phone to ring.

No More Horny Crickets - Sirens & Less Peace.

Home again.
No more horny crickets and silence. No more trees of plenty with clean air, or even the masses of deer that pass by every day just to say hi or get to the salt lick. No more elk spotting, or wondering if a cougar is going to come onto the property this night or not. No more late night fires and guitar singing, no more back woods quading. No more walking to the lake just to take a dip to cool off, or even to float around for a couple of hours. No more - OMG my phone has no bars, and i can't even connect to the net here. lmao.
Back to hearing sirens as soon as i get out of the station that replaced my horny crickets. The muggy heat that makes you gasp for air all day long, and the smog in the air that fills your lungs when you c an breath. Listening to the noise of everyone's cars driving by even as you sit in the silence of your room, and fighting traffic just to go and get a lil fruit. Driving to Kimberly or Camrose to get groceries for a week or two, and stopping for lunch due to being gone all day with that one excursion. Sigh...... no more serenity.
Though i did enjoy my few days of RnR i was privileged to have on my way home. Much needed after all the family and friends hubbub, and even a death in our lil mist. Those days helped me relax, gain myself again, even meditate a lil to those who would wonder, and just "be". Managing even to get more sleep that i think i had the whole trip of two weeks, but knowing it was just the numbers of each night and all the hustle and bustle that had gone on most of the time. i even had the honor of letting go, and then adjusting back to the life i am back into now. Nummy.
Then to my garden i go..........
Hello city, here we are again.
What i was truly hoping i wouldn't have to come home to is all the drama and in-fighting going on between some people in the kink world. Sadly, to my dismay when i turned on my puter this afternoon and went to the first group in alt, this was not true. New threads on old fights, and things that have not settled down. Though i was proud to see some people who i respect actually finally put in some great words that ring some truth, not only of now but what we should be living by from before til now. It is true when someone says that they want to get into certain fights, especially when it gets online and in front of thousands of people. Why should anyone have to get into playground fighting when it should be settled like adults, adults that we are supposed to be. What makes it funny though is when people are called on their mistakes and stupidity, especially the ones that do the most harm, think they are on top and making a point that makes them look even better.
i am not one to sit here and say that i am perfect. i wouldn't want to be, i like my lil flaws and sometimes even the odd lil mistake that i may even make. We all make them, it is how you deal with it afterwards that makes you who you are. But when you go out of your way to actually harm people, especially when they don't deserve or warrent it..... it is just bad form. Not only does it make you look bad, it makes every one around you look bad as well. It saddens me to see what is happening in this city of ours between some really good people that i know, and that it might even hurt some friendships over it all as well. i have never seen it like this, and hope to never again. i have been in this wonderful lifestyle most of my life, and i look forward to living it for the rest of it... be it that i am not discouraged even further from what i am wanting and seeking out of my life and needing. But there are those few lil people that make it hard to just 'be' in most cases, even if you want to try to be in the private party world. If someone isn't gossiping about what you may have done at a party (without your permission to do so, talking to whom ever), they are trying to cut you down in any form they can because just maybe.... your life might be a lil better than yours, or they just don't meld with you and that bothers them and they have to deal with this is a very negative way. This is what hurts everyone around all of us, even the innocent. This drives people away, into their private homes, away from many pervy people that they used to talk to or even maybe even play with or in the same scene. Ever wonder where everyone went............
i was hoping to come home nice and relaxed. Home to having all the bickering and fighting finally over, and maybe even some hurt people mended. And other areas cleared up, and understandings put out so people are not asking the wrong questions or getting the wrong answer if any at all. i look forward to attending the next party, just to say hello to those wonderful people out there. Missing so many of you. Though i am now seeing that some will not be there, and that is saddening. i guess we will have to find a way to chat again.
i pray for everyone to mend in their own way... but to at least mend. If that means going on a trip, finding a place to meditate to find your answers that you seek, or just finding yourself.... then maybe just maybe their might be some sense of healing and stability going on in our fair lil city of kink.
i have been bitten by about a hundred mosquitoes. i even got a lil burned on my face, but that has added to the tan with the rest of my body. Dealt with some sad things that were not wanted or expected...... but we dealt with them, and the memorial afterwards. And my Oldest Niece to whom i was there for the most, doing her generations best quality of nil respect for people who have done so much for her and not really thanking or being there when she should be. Disappointing trust me, and it was not what i thought would happen. But i saw more drunken teenagers under supervision, and not a arrest in sight. This being help with decorum, even though they don't act like they should. Rather wild, and made me think back to that age and go HMMMMMMM. Then it made me wonder who the adults were when reading certain things on line.
But it also made me think what i wanted out of my perfectly perviness. Do i want to have anything to do with the parties and public life at all anymore, as it seems to just cause other people problems a plenty. Could i be happy just "being" in a lil private life at home where ever with whom ever, and occasionally attending the private party at a friends home. Knowing of course that what ever happened there, would stay there and i wouldn't have to worry about my play or actions being talked about to whom ever where ever in what ever manner.... even if it is not true, stretched, or even changed to make the talker look good.
Could i be happy living back in the country????? Where your neighbor can't even hear you if you screamed for help through a mega phone, and you could have a hundred people over for a party and not worry about pissing that neighbor off. After hearing that siren over my horny cricked...... it got me thinking truly hard.
But i think that i should worry more about my pa. Who is really ill, and couldn't make it up for my Nieces special days.... grad and bday stuff. Me being a surrogate mom to her now, i moved the mountains to get there. Dad getting grounded by the docs, and still not in good shape and can't even get to his own quiet private home in the mountain in the middle of no where.... i envy that life some days. Crossing my fingers that he gets out of this lil bump okay, and mends fast. He is pretty much all i have left for immediate family, off set of aunts, uncles and cousins.
There are more important things in life to think about than what so-and-so is doing tonight with whom, or where they went and did what. Yes we all like to talk, and have a good gaggle some times. But life is short, live it.... not in other peoples lives.... or sad ones for that matter. Maybe try to cheer them up and make them feel better, and that might make them help others feel better instead of trying to hurt. Who cares if someone can't go somewhere, there are other places to go. We don't need to make some big political statement about it, especially when you may not know the whole story behind all of it.
Today is a modern age. But i think we need to look back at what and where things used to be, and we all held our decorum. If we didn't have our horny crickets, did we have sirens? Or did we make music instead of war and muck. If something went wrong, it was dealt with, and in a timely fashion without question. That was the way it was, and there was no other way. But now it seems everyone is making up their own rules on how things should be in their world, and everyone has to follow it. It doesn't work that way, as we all can't live in everyone's worldly rules. There was a great comment put up by a Dom/Lord about the "Old Guard" system and how it should be still and was then. i think maybe we should all go have a lil boo at this, and maybe even try to go by some of this again, It just might make merriment in this city of ours again. If we need rules to handle people, then there should be one set for all. And any club or event can do what ever they want.... it is theirs - not ours to police and make rules to. It would be like me trying to rule those skeeters out there, or even the elk to come to the yard every day with her foal. That isn't going to happen, not unless i can speak elk.

i am going to go out and get back to my ripening blueberries. Yipeeeee! Water the much thirsty gardens, and gather the rest of the seeds that need to be taken out of possible seeding. This is all part of meditation for me, as many other things are. Including my trip, and my three days of NUMMMY.

Here is to everyone finding their zen. And maybe some even finding those friendships that might have been lost over the last few months, and if not.... forgiveness at least for sour words that might have been said.
Til we meet again.

"When love goes wrong,
nothing goes right."
Marilyn Monroe

OMG! i found the BOOP in my own back yard.

OMG!!!!Boop Heaven i found. And that isn't good for a Boop addict as me.i went to a shopping mall (will not say which one, as i do not have their permission to post it here.,.... and i think i might die if i think about it toooo much) to get my mind of my poor pa who is not well with pneumonia right now. This was just a few days ago, and had a few things to pick up. And instead of just runnin to my regular marketplace or natural store, though the mall would get my mind off a few things.
Well it did.As i walked around looking for a store that used to be there a few years ago hoping i might find it again...... my eyes popped out of my head. Drool started to drip down my lil face, and i think there was a slight shiver over me. To my eyes, and hearts delight there was the Boop, and even some Monroe. All sorts of things, from lugage to licence plates, even shot glasses and keychains. i had to check my pulse just to make sure that i was still there, and i wasn't dreaming all this.Now this is not a good thing for a lil girl like me. Being a bit of a betty whoor, yes i will admit that.
<<< standing tall while saying that as well.

So i thought what harm would it be for me to just walk in and have a lil looky loo. HA! OMG. i was in heaven, or i could have died and gone there and not minded one lil bit. The Boop was everywhere, in every corner i could see, on every wall, in every case, even in sticker form. Yup, this is my new home. Sad, yes, but true. Not good for me to have found this lil oasis, no, but a girl has to have a fetish of some kind besides the shoes in her closet.hehehehehe. Though i do have many pervy fetishes, many can contest to that. but the Boop Rocks!!!!!There was almost a moment i think, that if i were in a greater mood.... i probably could have cumm. Shhhhh.

More to come on this lil story some day.Just need the straight jacket to keep me out of there for a while now.

Tri-City Brunch - Sunday, May 25th, 08

Greetings Fellow Kingsters & Munchers/Brunchies,

Here i am doing that silly lil thing i do usually only a few times a year. But this time i am actually doing this on a monthly basis now, as W/we have a monthly Tri-City Munch now to attend. Yipeeeee!Get out those posties!!! Put them on your mirrors,foreheads of subbies, and staple them to some bumms. If some are up forit.... tattoo it to a body part, i know i will.

As this is an event that will happen on a monthly basis, i hope i will only have to do this for a lil while. But Y/you know me, i will probably keep this up just because.... keep you all in the know. And make sure that everyone knows that it is being held on the Last Sunday of each month. So please pass on the word for those who may not know.Yes, the regular 5th Wednesday of the month is still ago. There will always be the Wednesday nite Tri-City Munch nite as per usual, and at the same venue as the Brunch. And the same times as the other regular Munches - 6:30 - 9:30pm or so.

There is a huge spread of food for pretty munch everyone's tastes out there. From Dim Sum to Poached Eggs and Waffles with Whipped Cream, and i do believe there is even some meat for the side and baccona nd sasauge. There is several salads, and fresh veggies for the munchies. And if you are looking for desserts, from 5 or so different kinds of cheese cakes to peacan pie and cocoa mouse. In other words, more dessert than one can handle. Pluss fruit as as well, to balance this all out. Pure Nummmyness.

i will have pics soon for E/everyone to see. But there are a few people out there from the last brunch that can attest to the wonderful food there is to offer. It is worth the cost. And you can order from the menue after 12:30 pm. if the buffet is not for you.

Here is the information for the Brunch/Munch:

Tri-City Sunday Brunch !

Sunday, May 25th, 2008

11:30am - 1:30pm (or so)

John B Pub1000 Austin Ave. (@ Blue Mountain)Coquitlam, BC.

***Again pls try to inform/email me so i can reserve tables for Us all.

Please email me here, or @tri-city_munch@live.com

Hope to see Y/you there.

Have a great week and weekend Kinsters.

BB

lil d

Is Summer Almost Here Yet?

One would almost think that summer was finally here by the sun we had last week. But then this week brings the rain, and a lil bit of the grey sky around. Now not that i don't mind a bit of rain now and then, as it does cool me off and water the plants ( and that is less work for me in the garden ). But when everyone is looking forward to the summer sun right now, it is kind of a disappointment to many.

Now me being one who used to be quite the sun worshipper and have the tan that made me look like i fit in with the country of Africa...... i enjoy the cooler days a lil more now, and that is due more to outside influences more than anything and not my own doing. W/we all need a lil vitamin D though, more natural then what you get out of a bottle off the vitamin shop shelf. It does do the body good in many ways, as long as you don't over do it and take care of your skin while you are at it.

So here is to the summer ariving finally!!! Neked sun bathing!!! And camping days ahead of U/us all, to which i know i am going to getting into this year and very much looking forward to. Yipeeeee.
Smores!!!!!!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother’s Day
to All You
Great Mothers,
Grandmothers
& Aunts too
Love from lil d



If the shoe fits.....
MOTHERS and MOMS

If you send this to just one person, it should make
it all the way around the world by Mother's Day.
This is for the mothers who have sat up
all night with sick toddlers in their arms,
wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer
wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying,
'It's okay honey, Mommy's here.'
Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end
soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.
This is for all the mothers who show up at
work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains
on their blouses and diapers in their purse.
For all the mothers who run carpools and
make cookies and sew Halloween costumes.
And all the mothers who DON'T.
This is for the mothers who gave birth to
babies they'll never see. And the mothers
who took those babies and gave them homes.
This is for the mothers whose priceless art
collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.
And for all the mothers who froze their buns
on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead
of watching from the warmth of their cars.
And that when their kids asked, 'Did you see me, Mom?'
they could say, 'Of course, I wouldn't
have missed it for the world,' and mean it.
This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids
in the grocery store and swat them in despair when
they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner.
And for all the mothers who count to ten instead,
but realize how child abuse happens.
This is for all the mothers who sat down with
their children and explained all about making
babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who
wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.
This is for all the mothers who go
hungry, so their children can eat.
For all the mothers who read 'Goodnight,
Moon' twice a night for a year. And then
read it again, 'Just one more time.'
This is for all the mothers who taught
their children to tie their shoelaces before
they started school. And for all the mothers
who opted for Velcro instead.
This is for all the mothers who teach their sons
to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.
This is for every mother whose head turns
automatically when a little voice calls 'Mom?'
in a crowd, even though they know their
own offspring are at home -- or even away
at college -- or have their own families.
This is for all the mothers who sent their kids
to school with stomach aches, assuring them
they'd be just FINE once they got there, only
to get calls from the school nurse an hour later
asking them to please pick them up. Right away.
This is for mothers whose children have gone
astray, who can't find the words to reach them.
For all the mothers who bite their lips until they
bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.
For all the mothers of the victims of
recent school shootings, and the mothers
of those who did the shooting.
For the mothers of the survivors,
and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs
in horror, hugging their child
who just came home from school, safely.
This is for all the mothers who taught their
children to be peaceful, and now pray
they come home safely from a war.
What makes a good mother anyway?
Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips?
The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and
sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?
Or is it in her heart?
Is it the ache she feels when she
watches her son or daughter disappear
down the street, walking to school alone
for the very first time?
The jolt that takes her from sleep to
dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put
her hand on the back of a sleeping baby?
The panic, years later, that comes again
at 2 A.M. when she just wants to hear
their key in the door and know they
are safe again in her home?
Or the need to flee from wherever she is
and hug her child when she hears news
of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?
The emotions of motherhood are
universal and so our thoughts are for
young mothers stumbling through diaper
changes and sleep deprivation....
And for mature mothers learning to let go.
For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.
Single mothers and married mothers.
Mothers with money, mothers without.
This is for you all. For all of us...
Hang in there. In the end we can
only do the best we can. Tell them
every day that we love them. And pray
and never stop being a mother....
Pass along to all the mothers in your life.
'Home is what catches you when
you fall - and we all fall.'
Please send this to a
wonderful mother you know.
(I just did!)

Civility and Incivility in the Scene: by:Chris M & Lady Medora

This is a lil something that came into one of my emails a couple of days ago. It says a lot about things that are going on around in this fair Metro of ours, and a few strings out from here. Not so much a complete description, but a buffer of happenings. And it put to words a few feelings that i have of mine own, and am ready post down somewhere. They wanted it passed out to whom ever and where ever, with full credits. And am more than willing to do so, as i do believe that it should be said everywhere, no matter what city town or community you may be in. As this can ring true anywhere, in any situation that can lead to a rift between several people in a group situation that divides people apart over something that we should actually be helping with. So here it is. i will post my thoughts on a few things later, as there is a few things i do have to say about not just this subject..... but more over.

----------------------------------- posting----------------------------


Civility and Incivility in the Scene
>
> By Chris M [Black Rose of Washington DC] and Lady Medora [New Orleans
> Power Exchange] (The authors hope that everyone and anyone will send
> this through any boards you belong to including the authors names).
>
> One of the most grave and inexplicable problems facing our community
> in general is the continued presence of downright rudeness. It takes
> many forms: gossip, arrogance, slander, ingratitude, interpersonal
> cruelty, Rumor-mongering, the propensity to snub, shun or belittle, a
> refined Sensitivity to slight paired with strident disregard for how
> ones actions And words affect others. It is astonishing, and terribly
> sad, how poorly we Get along from the viewpoint of interpersonal
> relationships. Why a community like ours, whose members strive for a
> mature outlook on power, consent and tolerance should feud with such
> violence and monotonous regularity is a true mystery.
>
> In our community, we see behavior one would never dream grown adults
> could stoop to. We have seen SM groups who ought to get along fine,
> bicker endlessly and mindlessly. We have seen "leaders" whose mission
> appears to be the personal demolition of others whose contributions
> to the community might challenge their own. We know good people who
> have
> left the scene because of the cattiness, clique-mentality, and
> deliberate unconsenting meanness. This propensity, often called "Tops
> disease", is by no means limited to dominants. It is nationwide in
> scope affecting virtually every group we have visited in our travels.
>
> It isn't hard to imagine a universe where this kind of behavior never
> occurred at all. Aggression, power and consent, to say nothing of
> etiquette, are concepts SM folk deal with all the time. The BDSM
> community has made great strides in developing and documenting a wide
> variety of safe SM practices, protocols and standards for negotiation
> and play. Yet, strangely, the bickering, bitchiness and backstabbing
> go on unabated. The last two Black Rose election cycles, have
> produced virtual demolition derbies of friendships over seemingly
> trivial issues. TES went through a similar bloodbath several years
> ago, in the wake of their 25th anniversary celebration. And many
> small groups have closed, not because of legal persecution, fiscal
> mismanagement or lack of membership, but due to jealously, power
> struggles, and malicious gossip. The wounds inflicted by incivility
> exceed any damage perfumed in consensual dungeon play and the
> emotional scarring that uncivil behavior leaves on its victims lasts
> longer than any bruise.
>
> You might guess that the worst of this behavior comes from scene
> novices but you would be wrong. Beginners, usually eager to fit in
> and make friends, typically deport themselves well. The worst of this
> behavior comes from people who have been in the scene for years.
> People with experience, with play partners, with contacts, are often
> the most judgmental, least generous, most easily-offended, and
> readiest to slander others. It is strange, but over and over we have
> seen seemingly friendly newcomers arrive in the scene, become avid
> pupils of our craft, grow into competent players, then unexpectedly
> mutate into arrogance, self-importance and interpersonal
> ruthlessness. Many leave the community in bitterness, anger or
> disgrace. The civility question may play a role in the scene's
> curious lack of people of color, who understand discrimination and
> hostility when they see it, and feel unwelcome. It hurts our leather
> brethren, demolishes friendships, breaks the spirit of our
> volunteers, cripples social groups, invites retaliation, and weakens
> our claim that SM is practiced by emotionally healthy, well-adjusted
> people. Why are we doing this? What can we do to stop it?
>
> THE SCOPE OF THE PROBLEM: WHAT IS INCIVILITY?
> We will go straight to examples. By no means exhaustive, here are
> some categories of incivility we encounter in the scene.
>
> The Empathy Gap: This is subtle, but actually lies behind much
> uncivil behavior. Not so much the presence of hatred or dislike, but
> an absence of empathy and kindness towards other members of our SM
> community. In a better world, we would all actively welcome
> strangers, extend cordiality, start up conversations, and feel a
> little compassion towards others like ourselves. But, more often than
> not, people feel nothing in particular towards people they meet in
> the scene. This "inner nothingness" sets the stage for much of the
> uncivil behavior we
> find in the scene.
>
> Gossip: We all do it, and yes it can be loads of fun catching up on
> all the latest. Plus, gossip serves a valuable purpose when inquiring
> about someone you may be interested in playing with. By scene
> standards, it is not uncivil to conduct good faith peer review while
> inquiring about someone's play style, experience, and reputation. But
> gossip conducted with the intent to harm, or passing along dubious or
> inflammatory rumors is behavior that hurts the scene. In gossip, as
> with other things, there must be some sense of proportion. Gossip can
> also violate the confidentiality of individuals, possibly subjecting
> them to dangerous and unnecessary risk. Both truth and privacy are
> cardinal principals in the scene, and reckless gossip damages both.
>
> Clique Politics: To have a circle of friends is a good thing, but not
> when the goal is circling the wagons to shut out people who "don't
> fit in" In the same way that benign sharing of information can be
> amplified into vicious, destructive gossip, maintaining cliques whose
> purpose it is to weaken and ostracize others hurts the community as
> well as the individuals excluded. Ultimately, clique players make so
> many enemies that they themselves are resented or unwelcome.
>
> Sweet and Sour: A clique politics tactic: Some people make
> extravagant show of how close and loving they are to their circle of
> friends, hugs, smiles, introductions glowing compliments, in part to
> maximize the sting inflicted against perceived outsiders who are
> refused even the time of day. A stock move among catty sorority girls
> during rush week, (the Amish call this shunning) it's embarrassing to
> see how many grown men and women use "sweet and sour" to isolate and
> hurt
> individuals whose feelings and esteem they regard as unimportant.
> This truly nasty habit creates "us and them" fissures that fragment
> the community, hurt feelings and invite retaliation.
>
> Chicken Hawk Syndrome: With a constant influx of SM beginners, some
> attempt to acquire play partners under the guise of "mentoring".
> Chicken hawk syndrome includes strong come-ons, boastful presentation
> of ones own experience and skill, sometimes in trashing other people,
> sometimes attempting to isolate new people from the presence or
> influence of others, all in the name of "education", or at least
> active attempts to recruit them into their clique of preference.
> While there is nothing wrong with expressing interest in someone (new
> to the community or not) it is dishonest to couch your interest in
> terms of education. For new people we advise you to take your time in
> choosing exclusive mentors if you feel the need to do that at all and
> ideally to form relationships with a circle of friends and not to
> rely on just one point of view.
>
> SM Psychodrama: High volume yelling matches, absurd conspiracy
> mongering, and unbridled venom towards community peers...Does any of
> this sound familiar? Here's a test: If such behavior would get you
> fired from a professional workplace, please leave it at home. Failure
> to
> separate role from reality: We are an imaginative bunch (witness the
> number of science fiction fans, and Ren-fair enthusiasts in our
> midst) and this is both good and bad. Some take the view that the
> scene is a place their fantasy become reality, raising the spectre of
> unrealistic
> expectations which can infringe on safety, consent even sanity.
> Someone who prides herself on being an unreasonable, demanding bitch
> in scene should always watch to draw a line between what is
> appropriate in scene and into daily life, even if they consider
> themselves "lifestyle".
>
> The Dom=Dickhead syndrome: While some dominants are true artists
> cultivating a gourmet's appreciation of pleasure, pain and power,
> others are mere peevish control queens, itchy for a chance to
> criticize, get belligerent, boss others around. Still others, new to
> the community (but not to Gor novels) make the classic error of
> equating their sexual dominance with an overbearing, overreaching
> manner dominated by virtue of their presence at a SM event.
> Regardless of how dominant you are within your consenting
> relationships (and more power to ya!), you can no more "assume"
> consent in your interactions with others, than you can in an SM
> scene. Dominants who assume it's okay to boss others around, and
> demand subservient treatment, demanded rudely, are making the classic
> newbie error of assuming it's okay to touch or grab others bodies
> without asking.
>
> The Realness Police: In which everyone assumes that your SM should
> closely resemble theirs. Scoffing at scenes for being too mild, too
> heavy or too whatever. One particularly odious habit is the loudly
> proclaimed belief in those great SM unicorns the "true dom" (" true
> doms never bottom...being a true dom means never having to say you're
> sorry, etc.") or "true submissive" ("If you were a TRUE submissive
> you would do X for me, let me do Y to you, take it in stride while I
> waltz off and do Z.")
>
> The Imperial-Imperious confusion: Some scene folk, in an effort to
> appear imperial (kingly, of high standard, worthy of respect) conduct
> themselves in a manner that is imperious (overbearing, bossy,
> judgmental). A surprising number of scene-folk begin this confusion
> after a few years in the community as they assume leadership
> positions or when they decide that it is time they were recognized as
> authorities if not superiors. While many feel that imperious behavior
> demonstrates expertise, importance and intelligence, in truth it
> almost never fails to alienate potential friends and play partners
> and make the offender look bad. While pecking order tactics like
> these are fine for beings with the intelligence and spiritual depth
> of sparrows and chickens, in humans they are shallow, unkind and run
> counter to the spirit of "safe sane and consensual." Furthermore,
> people will not continue to support and tolerate people who treat
> them badly. Even so, unwise bystanders, occasionally reward this kind
> of boorishness with attention and respect, making our collective
> problem worse. New people see this behavior in community leaders and
> players of high prominence and emulate it, believing it to be proper,
> accepted or connoting high status.
>
> Expert-itus: (a variant of the previous point) the state of confusing
> one's own expertise with the ability to pick nits, and find faults in
> other people's play, demeanor, protocol, motives. While sharing scene
> knowledge is generally a good thing, it can be and often is overdone.
> Go easy on the free advice.
>
> WHY DO WE DO IT?
> In fairness, we don't want to suggest that Leatherfolk are inherently
> rude people. The scene, as wonderful as it can be, contains many
> subtle and seldom discussed "stress factors" that contribute to
> uncivil behavior. Like water over a stone, these stress factors wear
> on the nerves year after year, thus setting the stage for impatience,
> irritation, depression and the empathy deficit we have already
> discussed.
>
> The scene is a small world, and quarters are close, closer than we
> might like sometimes. Because BDSM is an interest that selects at
> random, we often find ourselves spending a lot of time with people we
> might not otherwise choose as friends.
>
> The scene is an intensely intimate place, we express our inner
> fantasies and fears, sometimes share partners, see each other nude,
> watch each other cum...Is it any wonder people are sensitive about
> how we are treated by others?
>
> Because these practices are incredibly diverse, we find ourselves in
> the occasional presence of activities that make us uncomfortable. The
> scene is a strange place and it takes a while to adjust. (And some
> things you may never get used to.)
>
> The pressures of closeting: The pressure of maintaining a secret
> life, of hiding your leather life from friends, colleagues, and
> family adds a constant overlay of tension to daily life. Scene folk
> have to manage the presence of fetish contraband including toys,
> clothes, literature and erotica whose discovery might be
> catastrophic. The risk, real or perceived, can encompass loss of
> employment, of friends, of family, even custody of one's kids.
>
> Jealousy, loneliness and competition for partners are facts of life.
> People without play partners may become unhappy or angry. People seen
> as getting more than their share can trigger insecurity and
> resentment. Even people with partners may see threats around every
> corner.
>
> The scene, like any fringe group, attracts its share of eccentrics
> and outcasts, some fascinating and agreeable, others less so.
> Newcomer naïveté: New people unacquainted with the scene's protocols
> occasionally touch, grab or conduct themselves in an inappropriate
> manner. Although individuals typically learn to deport themselves
> over time, the constant influx of newcomers means newcomer naïveté is
> a constant, grating issue.
>
> The realities of the party circuit: It is a hard fact of scene life
> that most parties are private and their invite lists finite. For
> every guest invited there are twenty left outside. The guest list is
> dictated by what the hosts can afford, their circle of friendships,
> the size of their home and many other factors. But it still stings to
> hear about a party without getting an invite. And it happens all the
> time.
>
> EMAIL (the medium of choice for many SM participants): Without a
> friendly face or modulations of human speech, text encounters can be
> easily misstated/misunderstood. Couple that with the sometimes blunt
> writing style of emailers everywhere, the added gravity of the
> written word and the ease of escalating a private remark into public
> rebuke with a misplaced keystroke, and you've got the makings for an
> online food fight.
>
> SOME THOUGHTS ON WHAT YOU CAN DO TO FIX IT:
> One of the more sobering aspects of the list above is that there
> really are no easy solutions to any of these problems. The scene is
> small, people are sensitive, invite lists are short, and we really do
> have some truly eccentric people who will continue to behave
> eccentrically. But there is room for hope. We do a good job of
> establishing and enforcing play standards to make SM safe and hot. We
> are improving all the time as educators of play practices. But,
> interpersonal conduct outside of the SM encounter itself has not been
> made a priority and it's probably time it should be. We must
> recognize incivility (defined in part by the examples in this report)
> as a threat to the health of our community, and commit ourselves as
> individuals, to improving our own behavior first. We must extend
> civility, decency, care and concern beyond our personal circle to
> members of the community at large. This doesn't mean we have to be
> everyone's bosom bud, but that concern for others is a priority
> instead of the non-issue it is for many at present. We are not
> talking about sainthood or communism here. The goal is not to stand
> around a campfire in a ring, holding hands singing Kumbaya. But if we
> all improve our behavior, and extend our compassion by ten percent,
> we will be living in a completely transformed universe. Secondly,
> through
> mentoring and our education programs, we must elevate civility as a
> requirement for our leaders and citizens. While scene etiquette (a
> subset of civility), is an SM staple, it deals mainly with
> deportment, protocols and standards of interaction, and doesn't
> address the deeper issues of cultivating compassion, tolerance and
> awareness towards our SM brethren. These are tougher ethics-driven
> issues often without simple answers. And, though vocal, it is a
> minority of scene-folk who do the worst of this callous behavior.
> Most want a scene that is friendly and supportive. Many are willing
> to work to make it so (hopefully you too if you've read this far).
> And though the gossips, scolds and assholes among us often succeed in
> hurting their intended targets (and incidentally our community),
> their greatest causalities are ultimately their own reputations.
> Remember that we are all brothers and sisters in a community no
> matter how diverse. If we behave like we care about and support one
> other, we will all find ourselves, by definition, in an environment
> that is more caring and supportive. Improved civility is presented as
> causal to the
> following desirable conditions: stability of friendships; respect of
> peers; trust of potential play partners (civility means stability);
> strengthens ones personal network of contacts; supports the position
> that SM is practiced by sane, well adjusted people; elevates fairness
> and justice (which are eternal) as the coin of the realm as opposed
> to popularity and bureaucratic clout (which are fleeting and can
> vanish at any moment); strengthens the community and makes it
> healthier; raises the comfort quotient for newcomers.
>
> A PROPOSED APPROACH: EXTEND SSC INTO INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
> Strive as individuals and organizations to extend "safe, sane, and
> consensual" into the arena of interpersonal conduct. So let's turn
> the laser beam of SSC onto our civility concerns and see what it
> tells us: Uncivil behavior is non-consensual: Good manners and
> general kindness should be the coin of the realm. To do less is to
> engage someone without their consent. Doms should restrict their
> dominance to those who have consented to it. Submissives who pester
> others with unsolicited subservience are likewise in violation. And
> non-consensual dominance in the name of "mentoring" doesn't wash
> either. Gossips and scolds should likewise consider their behavior in
> terms of consent. Subjecting someone to a tongue lashing or a gossip
> campaign is really no better than drawing out a flogger and hammering
> away at them without warning. Uncivil behavior is not safe: Cruel,
> thoughtless behavior can damage and hurt people, deeply, for a long
> time, and that cannot be called safe. In the same way that
> humiliation can be more damaging than physical pain, the emotional
> harm inflicted from incivility may far exceed what you intend.
> Unsolicited advice can come across as cutting, and judgmental.
> Incivility also sets a diminished community standard for others to
> follow, making incivility more acceptable and social environment
> suffers often scaring mature decent people away, and can in time
> bring a group to its knees. Small acts of rudeness, or disregard,
> even if only perceived as such can balloon up into clique wars.
>
> And if the well being of your intended victim means nothing to you,
> consider this: If you make trouble for people, chances are it will
> come back to haunt you later on. People have a way of reciprocating
> behavior. Be nice and people will be nice back. Be a jackass and
> that's how others will see AND speak of you. This is a small world
> and if you screw someone, you are handing them a motive to get you
> back later. Even if you are queen of the in-clique at present, no one
> controls the future and over time the leather gods have a way of
> evening things out. The community is close, memory is long, and
> paybacks are a bitch. For this reason alone, uncivil behavior is
> unsafe to you.
>
> Uncivil behavior is not even all that sane: For years many of us felt
> we were solitary freaks before finding this community. To reinforce
> feelings of rejection in our brothers and sisters by deliberately
> withholding human decency, or subjecting them to deliberate hardship,
> is just not defensible. People who find themselves helpless to resist
> clashing with or inflicting imperious behavior on their scene fellows
> would do well to begin some serious soul searching and perhaps seek
> out the help they need. A lot of uncivil behavior is retaliatory.
> Someone does something that hurts or offends you prompting an
> aggressive response. Unfortunately this may be exactly how it looks
> to the person you just dissed. If you find that your actions and
> behavior are building up to a feud, it is a great idea to apologize
> for your part in the situation and disengage from the conflict.
> Furthermore, the long term gains from uncivil behavior are so meagre,
> and the costs so high that it really does not pay for people who hope
> to stay in the community for some time. (Even if they win a short
> term victory.)
>
> APHORISMS
> Take care of your community. Take care of its members. Agree to
> disagree. You don't have to dis just because you dislike. Civility
> demonstrates stability. Piss off a bigot; be nice to a leather
> person. Imperious does not mean imperial. SSC is always in effect,
> whether or not a scene is in progress. Resist the urge to reward
> slanderous gossip with your attention and involvement - it's not
> consensual, and not safe, and even its sanity is questionable. Tithe:
> give ten percent more in kindness appreciation gratitude,
> forgiveness. Never assume Safety. Never assume Consent. SM does not
> stand for Super Man – nobody is perfect and everyone makes Mistakes.
> Be willing to concede the point if you have been uncivil. Being
> willing to fess up, and apologize, makes you stronger, not weaker.
> Always try to be the voice of sanity and reason. Incivility is
> uncivil, whatever the excuse. Try to maintain perspective. Maintain a
> healthy sense of humor. True wealth is the ability to give kindness.
> Never forget your pleasure. Acceptance is voluntary, tolerance is
> mandatory.

Tri-City Munch - NEW VENUE, April 27th & 30th.

Greetings fellow Muchies and pervs,

i am sending this out to inform Everyone that the Tri-City Munch is being held at a New Venue from now on. Due to complications with staff at the old place, and tired old menus..... and as well We can also have Sunday Brunches at the New place, it is being moved.

New Venue:

John B. Neighbourhood Pub
1000 Austin Ave. (@Blue Mountain)
Coquitlam, BC.
604-931-5115
** If You can pls inform/email me on if you might be coming, so i can do a good reservation for Us all. They are more than happy to have us in their pub, just as long as We keep our "bits" covered. lol. That was from All Hallows Eve, is We had had one.
*They have great food at respectable prices, and the Brunches on Sunday are to die for...... including the desert bar to go with it (for those who like at least 6 -10 choices). $15.95 per, $13.95 senior, and worth every penny though. From sushi to perogies and pancakes and meats, and many deserts. (Plus you can order from the menu starting at 12:30pm)
***You can go up more than once for food, so get stuffed.
Please tell Everyone that You all can. Email this out to your pervy friends that might attend a Munch, or New people that might be thinking of attending one. Thank You all so much.

The next Tri-City Munch is:

Wed. April 30th
6:30pm - 9:30pm (or so)
(This is still on going for every 5th Wed. of the month when there is one.)

Then starting this April 27th!!!!!

Tri-City Sunday Brunch !
11:30am - 1:30pm (or so)
John B Pub
1000 Austin Ave. (@ Blue Mountain)
Coquitlam, BC.
***Again pls try to inform/email me so i can reserve tables for Us all.

BB
Happy Pervin

lil d / lolitadiva

you can reach me here or......
Get on the Tri-City Munch Mailing List!!!!

tri-city_munch@live.com

******
If You are doing transit:
the #152 from Lougheed/Coquitlam stations is the bus to take.

~~~~~ Thanks a million to Y'all. Munch peeps alike; those who have attended in the past, and those who are attending now and still to ALL Munches and events alike. And i and many others, look forward to meeting new people at these wonderful meet and great munch thingys. It is a warm and comfy place to get to know people outside of the play ground, and learn what life is like without looking at the naked bumm and having the attention taken away from one's self. It is also a great way to to make "play dates" as well, or even pass on toys if missed at the parties.
We all realize not everyone attends Munches. But some times, so some people, this is a great way to gain a comfort level for public play as well. And for others who can't always make play parties on the weekends, it is a great way to socialize with others during the week with Their fellow pervs. We all have our reasons for attending, and We shouldn't be ashamed for doing so just because someone doesn't agree with what You do or attend. So please keep attending if You can, and don't think twice about what someone else is thinking about that event..... that is just Their opinion.