Monday, July 21, 2008

my safety zone - A Need. A Craving. Being.

All i could think about today after i finished my pre-M-Bio course today..... all i could think about was laying at His feet.
i had an urge to lay at Sir's feet. There is a need for certain things in me, and this is one of them. i had chatted with Him this morning on IM, and i realized how much i missed Him this whole weekend into today. i had a most joyous weekend which was not only pervy, but tasty as well; and He wasn't there to share it with me. Not saying i didn't have fun with the girls yesterday, as i always do at the Festival... every year. i dance my lil heart out, and just get Folked. The only way to be, and just be at peace with others being at peace and sharing the love in a neighborly way. Nothing like it around, which is the problem... that is another story.
So as my afternoon went on all i could think about and visualize was laying at Sir's feet. Even having my head laying on the sofa by Him, being in my comfort zone really. With His hand on my head if it may be, but just there knowing with Him there above me and being safe within His world. i feel so safe with Him; never having to wonder what he is going to do next, wondering if He is going to hurt me in any way, knowing that when i am with Him.... that when i turn around or wake up - He is near by. When i was over in His house last, i sat at His feet in the morning when He was at His computer dealing with the photos that He had taken over the last couple of days. This being when i had woken up, and i am sure He was at the puter for a lil while before i got there, but i was at His feet for a short time. It was nice, and just being. But not quite what i am feeling today, even though some may think it is the same thing. It is, but it isn't. 
Sitting at Sir's feet for a short time while he is just doing a short bit of work is one thing. At that time W/we were only going to be there for a lil while, knowing W/we had to go shortly to get me to the station and He to somewhere else after. It wasn't a situation where knowingly there was no place to rush to and be at at a certain time, or worry about anything coming up. i am thinking of a time when just sitting around while relaxing while there is no pressure to do anything, just being. And i can be there, just being 'His' in my safety zone. It is in a way like me having a figurative safety blanky, a comfort zone, a safe spot to be. If not sitting at His feet with my head on the sofa by Him, laying on the floor right beneath Him. This is not something i would do all the time, just because it is not feasible. Nor is that what i want, and i don't think that is what He wants. i don't need to be at His feet all the time, it is just nice and comforting every once and a while. And with how things have gone in the last couple of weeks, with how He has dealt with me in His Topping way - i have an urge, need, want, desire for what some would say. 
Yesterday the 'jrk' phoned me out of the blue while i was at the Festival. The first thing he said what that it looked like i was sad at the party on Saturday, that the usual joy and happiness that naturally follows me wasn't there by the looks of it. i found that rather strange that that is what he saw, as i was in a most wonderful mood and didn't feel sad at all. Though maybe it would have been nice to have a certain Someone else with me, but i was in a great mood and having a good time. Then he asked if he had ever given me a discount ticket for Rascals, and i said no. Well, he was shocked... i wasn't as he passed through 'my' door to give 'you know who's upstairs last year tickets, even told me what he was doing, then left out "my" door to leave. i thought, what ever. So he has one ticket left over and wants to give it to me, i was fine with that. Sure.
So today as i was coming home after (omg- foot boy found me after his hiatus on being on the injury list - this i will talk about in a later post) i got to pondering about why he may have thought this. i had been deep in thought and wanton about being at Sir's feet, and then it jumped into my thoughts that maybe that is what jrk read off of me not knowing what it was. Not sure how he read that, as he isn't really that good of a Dom to read something like that. 
As i sub-consciously maybe emitted this out. Not knowing what was really going on in my head, this all going on as i was watching all these wonderful subs/slaves with their Masters and Mistress's just being. But not realizing as i was having my absolute fun, this is where that thought truly started and not today - it just surfaced today is all. i had been talking to M Eve about Sir, and all that had been going on and how happy i was. Maybe that is when it crept in while i was talking to her and devil bear after all Their play and spankins, and he getting a kollar finally. i was so pleased for him, and new it was all good for Them from here on in. But then all i wanted to do was just be with Sir, and be safe with Him... safe under Him. But it not coming up in my full thoughts until today, when i actually was finally calming down from everything - from the weekends festivities, for my mind finally clearing a bit for a few different thoughts to open up in there and surface. 
Sir said He was going to call me tonight. If He doesn't i know He is tired and/'or unavailable, that is ok. but i do look forward to hearing His voice, as that is what sometimes can keep one grounded as well. In more ways than one. i am very much looking forward to next week when i get to see Him again, when hopefully i can lay under Him - or even have my head on the sofa by Him with His hand on it... making me feel safe again. Letting me know who i am, why i am there, and who i belong to. Just being me. His wench, His toy, His .......

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