Thursday, October 15, 2009
Taking a Deep Breath.....
Tonight I connected with an old friend. It was his BDay just last week, and haven't talked to him in almost a year it seems. WOW. We used to get together for almost weekly lunches down the hill when I lived in the Burbs, and I always looked forward to those. And of course, there were those few times that we did play. Only a few though, as he had a few extra kinks that I just wasn't into. And ya know, that's okay with me. But he did teach me a couple things about myself, and that I really did love breath play. I was reminded of this as we chatted, and how all these things can come about when chatting with an old player/friend again.
Now breath play can be a hard limit and very loving for anyone. For me for many years it was a complete hard limit, just due to events that happened in my past. There was no way that there were hands going around this neck, no way no how. But of course I did have that last Master of mine take control of me by doing so, and well.... ya He did. There was no saying no there, and He had control. He didn't take my breath as in not letting me breath, He just took me.
But my wonderful friend took my breath during play. Now this wasn't putting hands around my throat, nor a bag over my head either. Just at the right time, when it seemed like I was about to peek..... He wrapped His arms around my chest and hugged really hard. And as I lost the wind, I went away. And when I came back..... I flew. Now that was a flight for the first time I would never forget, not in a million years if I live this life out so. And I hope to take to the next, and so on. And for each time He did this in each play, I couldn't wait. It is as if you are waiting to to go to Dairy Queen, knowing that your going to get the Peanut Buster Bar Parfait (but with peacans instead of peanuts). And your almost peeing your panties in anticipation on the way there, and the traffic is going at a turtles pace. No road rage, just not fast enough for you to get there. Even though that is what makes that parfait all that more delectable. The wait, and the taste afterwards.
My roles in life have changed of course since we last were together. And things have changed in his life as well, as he has found the finer things in life can also be found being at the bottom as well. I admire him for this, as not many Tops go this route. Not only are they not comfortable doing so, they just won't. This is just something that is a rarity, unless they have been there already. Have known it, like and loved it, and want to go there again due to missing it. Most would call this switching, and others in my circles call this confused. I call it as I see it when I come across that person, it is what they are when they are there at that moment in time. Not everyone adheres to a code of conduct in this lifestyle that we live by, many are light when it comes to this. Though I live by an Old Guard Leather living, doesn't mean everyone does.
Yes... I have crossed over to the Dark Side. And to most of the people I know, I can never go back. Darn. It's not to say that I can't have a very good friend with whom I trust explicitly to poke me full of hole with needles, and of course there is always the pain side of tattoos and piercing in itself. I will be a fully bonified Sadomasochist. Never will change, to one side or the other. But I am very Sadistic. I wouldn't be able to come up with the ideas I do if I wasn't, nor would I be able to take what I do either. So I have my own balance, and that is within me. Though I am not under the flogger twice a week as we speak, but I do have my own way of dealing with life.
I have met the most wonderful pain bottom since I was with this wonderful friend of mine that loves to have my hands wrapped around his neck. And what really makes me delighted, is that I love doing this for him. Though it has been a while that I have done this, and I would do almost anything to wrap them around that neck right now. It is almost calming being on the upper side of the hand, to have that control and power over how the story goes. To see where they go, and take them on their journey. And if all goes well, join them on that flight. Of course he is not the only bottom/slave I have played with in this last year, but so far the one that has taken the farthest leap off the edge. All have been hard players, and huge pain sluts. But non other than he has had my hands around their necks, and that I find a privilege.
Some day soon I hope to again. Just when he is peeking to wrap my hands around that now prickly neck, watch as his eyes go wild with arousal and fear. And watch as he goes into flight, and just sores..... Feel that body join in what is happening in his head, and feel the vibrations.... all that I felt only a few years ago. Let him tell a story as he journeys off to another place, and float with him and be there when he comes down. There is nothing like that feeling, and nothing like floating with them.... nothing like joining in on that, and knowing where they are going to.... that happy place that makes one feel so safe and warm. Pure ecstasy. And for some reason, for many, breath play is one of the purest forms to get there.
And I understand why.