It is getting closer to that time of year for me. Though for many it is still a couple months a way, and others do celebrate the same as I do. All Hallows Eve is my Day, and I like to spend it as if it were my xmass. Weird yes, but true to form for sure. That day means more to me sometimes that any other day of the year, as for the better part we actually all got together to celebrate something. Not just the blood family, to whom I could only call a few true family members to me. But the people in my life true family members as well. It was also those days that for just a few days out of the year, that everyone around me (including my parents) were smiling and having just plain fun.
Of course I do celebrate Yule. But that is entirely different to what people today consider 'Christmas', and it goes on for days.... not just one flippin day of giving and taking prezzies. Yule to the better part of the world is just being, and being with people you care about. And of course eating, and bringing in food to eat with them. That is if you can afford of course, as not everyone can. And if you can, give a lil gift wrapped in a gold (brown) and/or red package to those who are near and dear to you. And not about getting something from others, and who can outdo whom in the prezzie department. Personally prezzies are done on Hallow's Eve, and then at the end of Yule. So there can generally be a few confused people in my circle of friends on my list of lovies, but I love the look when they get someone from me in January. Makes me smile.
But of course with all this comes some Perfectly Pervy Parties. Dead Sexy is at the end of this month, to which I am looking forward to very much. Maybe I can get those Bday beatings into davyd finally, as I know he so wanted them. I tried to get a party together for him, but all I got was bitch bitch bitch about it. So I gave up on that, even though he talked about having an all out beat on him. There was no chance of having that, as he made no plans on going to anything for this to happen. It made me wonder what was going on through his head, and what he actually wanted. Now I think I should hold off on his bday prezzie as well, as I don't think all of it is appropriate to give to him either. Maybe part of it, but not both. As I hope to still salvage what we have as a friendship, I don't want to drive him away either. Makes one think. But do I really want to beat the living &^%#@#$$%^ out of him right now, and give him that happy feeling he so does deserve for all that he has done for me. Love ya hun. Wonder if he will get to have any play time in while working at the party, he is doing security.... probably not. Grrrr. *sigh*
I've learned a lot since this last couple of months have gone by. I've had a lot of time to think a few things over, and look into the perspective of it all. Why this, why that. Though yes, there was an outside influence to all of this ending crap, but we also let it happen.
I can look at how from the beginning men ran out on my life (my dad left my mom.... or rather my dad couldn't handle the whole family tied down crap, so left for a freer life. kind of a take it or leave it... he left it.), and how that still affects me today. And when I find that a man in my life can't take what is happening around me, and I give him an ultimatum...... Well, if he can't stand the fryer.... And of course I gave the one person that I cared about that choice, who I shouldn't have done that to, and I did wrong in that perspective. But now is finding a way to stop that bad habit if there is a way, and maybe finding a way to stop that bad habit of the other person in this whole story. lol. Ya a long stretch.
I look to the future in different ways. I look at what I want and need, and what is best for me as well. I know that there are certain things that I will never be able to live without, and that there are some things that I can pass by. But for the better part of me, I will always be this pervy person, always be wanting something out of it all...... always be this .... (as he described me) Bisexual Dyke. Yes. Love womyn. Gawd I love them, everything about them. But I can't seen to leave that dick behind, for some stupid lil reason. I could do without the body attached, or rather what has been attached in the past. I guess it would be redundant if there was no body attached in my case, as I just can't keep that one up. I am that type of person that needs another person there.... no matter what is going on. Plain masturbation by one's self get rather lonely and boring after a lil while, and isn't me.
But I am thinking this is a whole other story for another time. ... maybe a pervy one.
In retrospect I have loved and lost a few in my life so far. There are only two that have truly touched my heart, and one is not my ex husband. Though I did love the guy, he just didn't get there. Of course the first person that truly touched my heart can't be here, and that is a travesty. I miss him dearly, and he will always be a part of my heart... never forgotten. As for the second.... Well, all I want to do is beat his ass as hard as I can and then some, drive my knee into him till he can't stop cumming, poke holes in him making pretty designs, cut him up till there is no more space on him left unchecked, wrap my hands around that throat of his while he hits that peak and take his breath away and beyond, make him scream for mercy but beg for more.... and yet have that tender hand of his on my when I need it. But best of all, have a friend in him. And someone to eat sussi... ooops sushi with, and take those nice walks where ever with.... even the mall to pick out the best co-ordinating outfit for the event coming up. It's all about style, not just about the leather. And hit the beach and park with, and toss the frisbee around. And yes, go on a picnic when it's not raining or below 5c.
So you are wondering why I have babbled on about all of this in three different directions now..... Well, I have a ton of things going on in my lil brain at the slowest of times. And when I have a thought promenading through, I have to get something out at least one or two of them. And of course All Hallows Eve is coming up, with parties and handing out candies as well. And what to do with that time. And all those pervy thoughts with the parties to follow soon, and how to spend them. What is a gal to do. Just let it all gather and churn..... or look for perspective........ In the hopes that maybe someone out there has a thought on this all.
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