Friday, October 23, 2009

What's in the air today? Energy abound.

Not sure what is up in the energies.... but wow.
*insert song Purple Rain, due to the fact that Wayne Brady was doing a comedy to it earlier and is not stuck in my head. Though a very fitting song for today, as it is how I feel these last few days.

I am up at a rude hour unable to sleep. There are quite a few things churning through my head, as there usually is.... but far to many for this time for even me. I went to bed thinking of a few thoughts, including of what had put a damper on my mood this afternoon. Still unable to pinpoint what it is, knowing something is wrong with someone out there that I know and probably care about. Grrrr. Of course asking the four directions for direction and hopefully visual on what is happening, no matter what that may be. I am hoping by the time I do get my eyes closed, that this will all come to me.

I had such wonderful thoughts going through my brain after all that. Everything that had gone on throughout the week, people I had talked to, things I had done... things I will be doing. Whats-her-face I'd like to fuck, and so-n-so I am going to see in the next couple days. All good stuff, plus so much more. I even had past memories of that one last big fling I had the last year that I lived in my home town, before I moved to live with the hubby in our new home. And wow, what wonderful thoughts came up with that. Whip cream and coco sprinkles that had snagged me, electrical taped together in a paper bad dropped on my counter at work with purpose. lmao, ya those were the days. And what wonderful pervy sex it was, beautiful music those months were. Tons of fun and laughter, partying with the guys and gals, the band and bands.... sweeeeeeet. And how we have reconnected lately, and how well he is doing with his now second wife and doing absolutely fabulous. And has gone from that sound man geek almost leather, to all leather music motor cycle riding kinky dude. Wicked! Can't wait to spend time just chattin it up with him, and talking about the old days and the peeps in our lives from back then. Wow. Wish I could still sing up a storm like that, haven't filled him in on my jaw as of yet. Not sure how to do that one, kinda bad news bear thingy that I don't want to do. How do you tell your sound man that you can't sing like you used to, not in a band anymore...... can't hear tones.... Grrr. hmmm. That's for another day I guess.

Of course I went to the thought of conversations to be had with other people. Planning them out, as I know they will be good. Explaining certain things, but knowing all is understanding. Hoping that nothing in between is lost there, and that future endeavors are still thought about.
As well about a friend who has a bump on the head. Needing certain foodies, and how to get that to them. I know and understand how they feel, and wish I could be of more help. Love my friends, love the people around me, want to help when I can.... it's that whole pay it forward thing in me.

Then it all went to my appointment today. As of course most of this is in positiveness mode. And how my doc asked about positive things happening in my life lately, and all were so minor that I couldn't come up with a really big one for him. Meh. But I thought of one as I lay there.... I chopped off a foot of hair, which is a big thing for me. But it went rather downward spiraling from there, as there was a negative that went with it. When at my fab hairdresser's, whom I love to bits, there was a notice on how much truly wasn't cut off this time. After all was done, she pointed out on the floor how much really wasn't there even after that whole foot came off. And that hit me like a ton of bricks just this nite, not then - to which I think is a good thing now. The reason for not having as much on the floor, I have lost half of my head of hair these past few years with my health prob. It just goes unnoticed by everyone; not just because it is long and I try to keep it full looking, but because what I do have is rather healthy. And Jackie stated it is probably the healthiest thing on my body, as she knows what all is going on with me. And she is right in some aspects of that, and I am laid out by that. The lady next to me wondered how long it took me to grow my hair as long as it was, and I replied not that long at all..... as unique as I am, it takes almost half the time as the average person to grow my hair out. But I only have half a head, which is killing me inside.
Have the skin patches (granuloma annular), have the foodie problems, heck even be hurting and tired all damn day long..... but shit leave my fricking hair alone!
People have asked me when and if I have been tied up by my hair. Lil rope bondage with the ol hair do, and there was a time I would have jumped up and did my usual "pick me pick me" routine. But now I'm to darn scared to, as I probably will rip more out in the process and can't afford that. Leaves my kink down to only a few things now a days...... lots and lots of needles, tattoos, some rope bondage, sex, kinky sex, really dirty sex, more needles and sharpie things, and maybe a whip or two. And anything else I can think of that won't damage too deep, or take too long to heal and/or make to deep a bruise. What ever I can pass by my dermatologist, and make him happy. lmao. Not gonna take all that to the immunologist, I would probably give him a heart attack with the full list. And of course, what I do love doing, torturing and tantalizing all those bottoms with wonderful things in my toy bag. hehehehehehe.

Sooooooooooooo. When I go back in a couple months, and get that other foot cut off....... do I perm it first, then think about it? Or do I just cut, and maybe go really short and just say Phuk it? Or do I just trim it, and keep yelling and screaming at it cause I can't handle the fact of what it is doing, and what I can't do with it? I can donate it, that I can do. To which is a thought in the back of my over run brain. So if you see me in the new year rather pixie'd out, don't be shocked please..... be happy for whom ever got the hair that THEY needed more than I did. Because there is a wonderful woman out there who has lost all of her hair due to a treatment, and I can handle helping her out because I can't get mine. She is in worse shape than me. At least I still have some roots left. That is what will always keep me going. And my friends who make me smile. .... and maybe that one who can handle sticking a few hundred needles in me for an afternoon or eve. muah!

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Now if I could only stop this sniffling, I could get over this hair thing and maybe get some sleep already. lmao. *shakes head* what a ninny I am. It's only hair.

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