Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called the Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies, that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to the Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hells for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There are plenty of food, water, and sunshine. and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who have been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of the days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing - they each miss someone very special to them who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks up into the distance. His bright eyes are intent, his eager body begins to quiver.

Suddenly he begins to run from the group. Flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kissed rain upon your face, your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent in your heart.

Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together.............

Author unknown



***


Many thoughts come to mind in this time. Everything from anger, all the way down to depression and an emptiness or loneliness in most cases. But as I sit here reading over those very comforting words, that truly fit in any circumstance, I am reminded of many teachings. Listening to the Hindu and Budha way of thinking and living is that when one shows sorry towards the departing, their souls stay with us and don't pass on to the next life. But I do also believe that it is us we who are most saddened by any one thing or person passing on, as it is us who have suffered the loss. The one who has passed on is in a greater place, and looking on us.... guiding us.

I have every right to be pissed though. This is no time to just say hay, poo happens. I'm sorry, there is no reason why all this should have happened and in such a short time in this way. Though I understand full well that getting angry isn't going to get me any where, and what am I going to get angry at. I know where I would like to direct it, and people and our environment and what we put in it and our food is a good start. But for now I am just going to 'be', and get through the next couple weeks. Try not to focus on what is not around any more, and the silence.

This is a good time to find my music again.... don't ya think.

Wrong Number Boy Toy.

i am hoping i am not the only person this has happened to, as i am sure i am not. And usually this is something that one would read in the Penthouse Forum or something to that effect, but i will not and have not gone as far thank goodness. But this might prove interesting if i decide to continue with it, though i think i should let the lil dude go. lol.

About a month ago i received a text on my cel phone telling me to call "them." Who this person was i was not sure, and not even knowing the number that it came from made me think twice. but i thought "what they hay", and i called it. No answer, and i wasn't about to leave a message. i did though text back saying to call me back, as there was no answer. A couple hours go by, and no return call. So i call again, no answer. An hour later, yes i call again, then yet a half hour after that...... finally an answer. And i respond with the " someone text me from this number and told me to call, but there was no answer and i have left a message back, and tried calling with no reply." The lil dude apologizes to me, and states that he had gotten the wrong number.. bla bla bla. i was in return saying that is alright. Was just wondering, and didn't want to seem rude by not getting back to someone. No biggy. then hung up. lol.
So he texts me back afterwards saying sorry for the confusion, and how nice i sound. Then asks me what do i do, tells me what he does, and proceeds to ask me if i'm single. Of course i tell him that i am not going to be rude to someone who just got the wrong number in a text and wasn't rude to me, and i am normally a nice person. Thank him, and just kinda leave it at that. i tell him what i do, he gets a lil excited.... but don't tell him about my lifestyle. lol. i proceed to tell him that i am not really single, even though i don't belong to any 'one' person, i am not single for him. But i don't say that out loud to him. But as soon as i say i am not really single, he tells me to call him when i am ( i get a good giggle out of that one). So i ask how old he is, he says too old.... ya right. Talks about favorite colors, and lifesaver candy rolls, and then starts to call me lady. lmao. never stopping the convo when i would like to, but really keeps it going, even wanting to know where i live and tells me where he does. He is 37 i find out by this time, and i think he is a lil younger than that. Here is the kicker........ "Let's go out" he posts. Ok, does anyone see what i seeing here. He doesn't want to go out with me because i am not totally single in the first place, but wants to go out with me now. Young!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But what really puts the icing on the cake is when we go back to the couple talk. So he asks about the partner thingy, and then says "lesbian?". Lmao - even harder. i am going "no, but i am bi." So he is onto wanting to meet with me again, just because i am bit. But i am now telling this lil dude that i don't think he can handle a girl like me, and he is saying he can. lol. Wants a picture of me, and knows he can handle me. But won't go out with me if i am seeing anyone else, even casually. i am still doing that - you won't be able to handle a girl like me. i am not going to tell him why. but he gives me his email so i can send him a pic, though i do and it doesn't send right. He sends me his, and he is not bad looking - young though. The next day he texts me again. "Good morning." Then tells me about his day at work, like we are old friends, or dating. lol. Finally tells me his name, lol. Took me a whole day to get that out of him. We text a bit, but then i tell him i have to go.
The next day does the same, but calls me sexy lady. Now realize i haven't sent him a pic yet, and have only chatted with him for 3 days now. Andy es i did get the "Good morning" before it, and a few other words. He has text me a good morning every day for 8 days afterwards, and i chose to ignore them because it was getting a lil creepy for my tastes. i had told him on the 3rd or 4th day that i was kind of busy, and in my own lil world with things - ie: my pooch. But he seems to think that this might go somewhere, even though he doesn't want to have anything to do with me if i am seeing someone else.
Now if this was the right guy, yes i would drop everyone else. But i am sorry, he is certainly not into BDsm and a lil too young for my tastes. And if i had the chance to play with someone else, minus the sex, i would like to be able to..... and by the sounds of it he would not be into that. lol. A lil too nilla for me. Then there is the other side of me that wants to keep him around just for the fun of it, see where it goes. See what he is like, or maybe i can turn him to the dark side for some wonderful Domme. :) This is a big thought in my devilish head, and something i wouldn't mind doing for a lil fun. But is that a bad thing to do? Hmmmm. Oh well, what ever my choice i had a lil fun for a couple of days. Though i should definitely email him and let him know that my life is just a lil too busy for him right now, let him down easy if i chose not to keep him around for a lil toy box play. *sigh*.

Off to make a tea, and snuggle into my clean sheets and watch the late news and get to dream land with my wonderful lil healing pooch.

Stevie's Snow Day - 01/28/08

Today was a good day. This i can find rather comforting, and maybe i can get a lil more sleep as i haven't truly gotten much of late. My lil dude actually wanted to go out and enjoy some of this wonderful snow that we have on the ground, and maybe even tomorrow he will be out there as well. Though he wasn't his usual snow plow self, he was out there just the same. This put a big smile on my face, and a tail a wagging on him. (View video below).

What actually makes me the happiest is the fact that for the last 3 days he has been eating some food. Though i have had to use hamburger in the mix of many things in the dish, but it is worth it to get something in his lil body. This beats having to seringe it down his throat, and gawd knows how that made me feel let alone him. And with having to pick up anorexic food for dogs/cats just to get some calories in him, you know it is bad. Yes they do make food for anorexic animals, i was just as surprised as some of you are right now. It's called Prescription A/D, and comes in a lil tin of 5.5 oz for about $2 a can, and you can only get it from the vets.... but worth it. But then i alos have him on the ultra expensive new food of Orijen, which he is now finally eating... wet of course. And with all that the can foods to go with it all - Wellness new Zealand Venison, and for now the puppy formula as well for the vitamins that he so truly needs. And to top all that off he is getting tumor shrinking tea three times a day, and some flor-essence. He gets fed 3 times a day, due to the fact that he can't eat as much at once and you have to make sure that he gets his food in him. But it is all worth it, as i can already see the difference in him already. My dude already has some energy back (though not what he is usually like, and not expected), and he is not wasting away anymore as he was.
Does anyone want to dog sit for a week? lol. Kidding.

But i was never so happy to see him playing out in the snow today. It was almost like he was back, a lil slower and older like, but back. Of course when we came back in he had to sit in front of the heater for a while to warm up, as he doesn't have the meat coverage on him anymore. And he moved the pillow around to the spot that he wanted, right under my nose. And with his "but aren't i so cute please don't move me" look, i had to just take a pick and leave him be. He then drifted back off to dream land, and rested some more. This he does a lot, and i can understand... the more the better i am thinking. Get better dude, and rest is what the body needs to do this. Just don't rest too much, as you need to get out and about as well. Which he is finally doing. Yipeeeeee.

Dr. Krakauer's assistant called today to make sure all was good with him. To follow up on my call-in that i do, and let them know what all is happening with stevie. She will be calling on saturday to check in with me, and to let me know what meds/holistics we are going to do next with him that i have on hand here. And what is the best road to go next, and what changes i should watch out for if any. Of course we will probably be talking about the scan, and when it will be done and how much. And what stevie's options are, and what can be done of course. But we won't know much until we do all those other tests, and what kind he has. Crossing fingers here, especially if i can mange to shrink the fucker first.:) Well here is to another good day. i am looking forward to tomorrow, and hoping that i wake up to a waggy tail. i think i will start to call him Mr. Wiggles. lol. shhhh, don't tell stevie that. i just caught him in the corner of my eye going for the other heater in the lil hall down here, and doing the look of "it's time for bed now ma". i should take him out for his last lil pee as he just had his lil late night snack a while ago, and get him in bed as myself. Sending my bud all my love, and hugs all around to everyone i can...... the whole wide world if i can.

BB to everyone!!!

To Pierce or Not To Pierce This Year.

My thoughts this year was that i was going to go and get my foopher pierced finally. YES, my foopher. i can't get a new ink done, for good reason at this time (but soon enough i am sure). And i can't get louise re-pierced yet, as i am sure i would reject at this time ( so i wait with baited breath until that time cumms again). But life has seemed to throw a road block in the way, and i have to focus my funds and life on other things. But it would be about this week that i would be doing so, as it is coming around that time of year that i tend to go and hide. Then i wonder what the heck is a girl to do....... a masochist that just wants to pierce something. lol. i know i could sit here and count out how many whip cuts i could get done, but that only lasts for so long. Yes it is incredibly nummy, but it all goes away and isn't that piercing on ones foopher that makes that smile last for ever. Just start with the one piercing, then work up to getting about 6 more done on the outers so one can have lacing done with a pretty ribbon. :)

Now some might ponder the sanity in me at this point. i am in perfect sound mind here, and hopefully body. It is a craving, a need not just a want, and i dream about it all the time. In a way as if it was already there, but i know it isn't. *sigh*. Some day it will be, and i can't wait. When it is right, it will happen. Until then, i will settle for those 37+1 whips i guess.

Life Truly Is Not Fare To The Innocent Ones

Some times when one would think that life didn't throw enough at you, or you thought it was just finally getting right...... it throws you a curve ball. Or in my words..... the whip cracks on the tail bone in a bad way, and the pain just seems to be in the wrong way.

It's one thing when i am not feeling well, and my health is not always that great. and i can deal with that, and plug along just wonderful. i get through all my stupid lil tests that they put me through, feel sick afterwards usually from most of them, then take some of the most moot meds one should ever swallow. And in the end, not really feel or thing that you are getting any where. Maybe a collapsed vein for a couple of months, or more run down than usual, or even the thought of food makes you want to vomit just that lil more often than usual. but you can get through it all, as your a trouper and your strong. There is a reason for this all, and there is a light at the end of this medical tunnel.... yes there is and it is worth it all in the long run. And you have good friends and lovables around you to make you feel all that more better when you are down, the ones that make you smile when it is hard to put that smile on your face some days.
But this past month i am hurting in a different way that just breaks my heart. the one thing that makes my day every day, that brings me up when i am down, that loves me no matter what and or i look or feel.... well, he is sick now. This all started late last summer, and thought is was nipped in the bud thinking it was just an infection, but sadly it wasn't. And in this last month or so he has gotten very ill, and lost a tremendous amount of weight, and lost all his vigor and vim.... and that wonderful light in his lil brown/blue eyes.

Yes, my dude stevie is not well. :( . He is my bud, my best friend, and well my companion if you will. i have had him since before he was born, and hope to have him well before his time is done ( pure boxer years are 15 or so ). and this is just killing me inside to see him like this, and making life hard on me let alone him... more so to see him in this kind of pain and illness. At first not knowing what it was, and the vet having her ideas (thinking it was his prostate). And me thinking, more so hoping, it was his kidneys. But alas, after numerous dollars, and 3 x-rays later we do have an answer. And not what i wanted to hear.
My baby has a tumor in his tummy. A very large tumor at that, and it is pushing up on his intestines. This is causing him not wanting to eat now, what a challenge that is, as he has lost 20 pounds now. Though we don't know if it has mastasized anywhere else, or what type yet - this can not be told by the x-rays. This can only be told by a scan, which i am on a month long list for. And of course numerous tests, to determine what type it is. i am not going to give up, as we are going to give it the go ol' boxer fight. i will starve if i have to, to fix him and make my dude all better. This we have been doing already, as we have been trying to fight things already even before knowing what it was, and things do work. And we are doing thing in a more holistic way, as it seems to respond better with animals. As for surgery - some animals do well for a year or so after depending with this in the tummy, some don't. This all depends though, and how healthy the animal was in the first place. But i am not sure where i am going with that as of yet, and if it has spread.... it might not be an option. But we do know that it probably is not in his lungs, as his breathing seems to be fine and no coughing.
What bothers me as i try to grasp all this and wrap my head around it all in these last couple of days since friday. He is such an innocent, a dude that healed everyone else. Stevie would come up to you if you were down and hug you to make you feel better, or if you were sick try to make you better in any way. If you had a wound of any type, try to fix it for you. He was the healer, he was "mister happy go lucky". Why him. this i don't understand. And he is only 7 and a bit, by all means not old for a boxer. Even though his vet says it is common in boxers..... still. Grrrrr. He is the unique one on the boxer world, the one that this shouldn't happen to... you know. The dog that would see a squirrel and start to run like it, exactly just to see if he can catch it. But feel it's pain if it was dying when it fell from a tree, and that did happen... actually cried he did. Is just like one of the kids, but the best guard dog one could have.... and everyone's friend at the same time (even the cats). Sadly though, it is hard to see that all in him now. There is all this wonderful snow on the ground for him to play in now, and it takes all he has just to play with the ball in it for 15 minutes. This when just a month ago he would be plowing through it like a barrel on starroids, and there was no stopping him. And his favorite food doesn't even get him a second sniff now, even if i butter it up with bacon grease. Just is not fare. And yes anyone can say life isn't fare, but truly this isn't. If you only knew him.

So i guess my point this time being, especially when i haven't written in so long, is that never put anything past anywhere. Just when you thought life or nature was right and even with things, it can f*ck you or your lovable pets up in the most disturbing ways. Ways that just do not seem right at all. Have you ever thought that you would give your life for your pet? Yes they are a part of your family, and yes like a child to you..... but would you trade spots with them just so they would not suffer such a fate? i would right now.

Cut a Foot, Gain a Mile.

From alt:
Dec 21, 2007 10:22 pm
Mood: experimental, 3 Views



So i finally cut a foot off last week. And thought i would be rather upset about it, but actually found myself having a new bounce in my step. Thought more would come off, and even prepared for for it.... expected it; but only about a foot. Now i look forward to a few months down the road when another foot is severed, and see what happens then. Off to take those pesky needles off my list.... but had someone intrigue me with some acupuncture ( with who knows what ) a few days ago, and might ponder that one for a bit. i wonder if anyone else out there has felt the same feeling as i have with the loss of a foot.

Changing Activities Enjoyed - From alt

From alt:
Nov 28, 2007 4:04 am
Mood: experimental, 42 Views


So i am thinking of taking a couple of things of my "likes and dis-likes" list of activities in my BDsm hobbies. In other words, maybe taking out a thing or two that i would prefer not to do any more, or at least at this time. And maybe put in something that i might want to try some day down the road. In particular..... Needles. i think i have had enough needles in my own personal life to warrant not wanting any needle play any more, or not needing any play any more. Not getting an urge for it, or even a thought of a high from it. i am actually rather getting kind of turned off from it in my own corner, just for me though. i don't mind watching it, just not for myself. This has made me wonder if this has happened to anyone else out there. Has anyone else strayed from a particular play/activity for any reason, or been turned off for a slight reason.... other than a bad experience. There aren't too many things out there that i would not be willing to try at least once, or even have a discussion about trying. There is only a select few things that i will not go into or even try, and that of course no one will get me to go to. But that is for most people - having a few limits here and there. but has anyone else just decided to not want something anymore... just because.........or for a minor or personal meaning. So then now i am going to have to go through my whole profile and decide what else i want to take off, and then what else i would like to put on there that hasn't been there as of yet. Maybe something i haven't thought of trying yet... hehehe... or something i have, and want more of. The pitfall of having a profile, having to/or should be updating it. So i am going to go and take out needle play.... eventually when i decide what else i want to change in there. Then... go and cut my hair.

What Does Your Profile Say About You?

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Thank You, may i have another? Please.

You know when one hears the crack of the whip and you just melt. It doesn't matter where you are, or where the sound came from... you just melt. It could be right beside you, which is all the better more. But it can even be from over the phone as someone is chatting with you while they thought they would pick up their wonderful lil device and flick it a few times, and well you just go... aaaahhhhhhh. But then when i sit here and think about those feelings and what all it entails and how it makes me feel and where i go, it kinda has it's own precept in it's self. The warmth that flows through you like a slow moving river, and how it fills you up like you are going back in time like it was just yesterday that the whip was connecting with your body. the chill of how you know how it will sting, but how good it will feel when the feeling has subsided and you are all warm and fuzzy all over. And then there is the euphoria of where one goes in flight when all if perfect and right, and how you feel when one is there. EROTOCOMATOSE LUCIDITY... i call it. It has many names, and everyone calls it something different. But in all the same, when done right for each, it is the same result. Nummy!!!!! But of course this leads us back to the conversation if one is on the phone especially. It is all lost, and one's eyes are all glazed over and thought is lost in space. And then people wonder where our thoughts are, and why half the time we may not remember the conversations that we may be having with a Top. This especially if a topic of a particular play is brought up with descriptions, and yet a whip is brought out and flicked a few times. Yes, this has happened to me a few times, more than i can count i am sure. And i am positive it will happen again, and again, and yes... again. Thank You, may i have another? Please.