Women & The Weekend

I'm catching up with myself.... I think.

I met some wonderful women this past weekend. There is so much I could say about so many of them, but I don't think there is enough room on here to keep going on and on..... But I would love to say that they all made an impression on me, and I will remember everyone of them for a very long time (if not for ever). I love women, always have and always will. It is not just the fact that they are women, as yes I am very much attracted to the female sex. Maybe even more so than the male, even though it seems it takes a man to Dom me..... But women have a softness to them. Their lips, their hips, their thighs and their eyes. Just being drawn to them is like a drug, and watching them just walking can get me going. Caressing the right woman can make me so happy, and when attracted to that one........... wow.
I had the perfectly filled weekend full of Women of all types. It wasn't just the fact that they were women that attracted me to those that I magnetite to, but it was their charisma and inner beauty that stuck out more than anything. Many of them came out of their shells this past weekend, which was just wonderful for many to see - not just to them in their lives. There is a piece of art when one sees someone enjoying them self with our worrying about what is going to be said, or caring who is going to see it. It brings out the real person from the inside, and then you meet the "who" that you are attracted to.... the one that makes that person tick. Some are stronger than others, but some just shine all that more, and some just relax around such a welcoming atmosphere. Now that is what attracts me, plus all those females. Nummy!

Now some people that know me would be wondering what is going on with me. Lil D is into men as well, why is she going to an all women's event. Yes, I love men as well. Men do find something inside of me that sometimes isn't always brought out by a woman, and can only be controlled by the male gender. Not sure why, but that is just how it is. My first sexual experiences were with women, and I still have those branded in my memory. Those experiences brought out something in me, and showed something about me that I don't think I would know now if it did not come into fruition. I wouldn't be who I am without those, and I would be repressed into a closet I am certain. My first experience with a man, well, is not as memorable as I would hope. I hate to say it, I don't recall it like I should. That is how great that was, and I don't ever want that repeated. No, it wasn't pervy in any way. It was rather plain jane, and nothing added to it to make it worth my while really. Nothing against all those guys out there, but sheesh.... really... come on now. At least you all could do is pretend your blind, feel your way around a girl.... that just might work. It is what you feel back that you get your reactions, not just a 'wam, bam, thank you mam' thingy. Gross. No thank you, I don't want that again... never. No more missionary for this girl, no more nilla again.
But what is kinky for one person... can actually be that other person's nilla. Has anyone ever thought of that one. Something to ponder maybe in that next thread, and maybe not bicker over who's dinky is bigger. But then fighting over drama, and who is right, and who can out who, and all that other friggen mess..... well, I am starting to guess that is the norm for the rest of the kink world. Hmmmmmm
Maybe that is why I have so much fun with the queer community. They tend to keep shit to themselves, less drama, and they don't take all that shit to community boards...... they deal with it in private. Of all the 200+ women I was around this past 4 days, I ran into barely anything for drama or bickering. Now that is something for the books. Something I think this area could take a lesson from. Even when a good half of them are "mooning", and some even have a lump on their shoulder. But all is kept away from this public life, why ruin someone else's playground..... keep it to yourself. Etiquette.

Almost Too Tired......

I had such a blast at Mayhem. I am so fucking tired from this last weekend, that I can barely move. Though I think I will blaim that all on the couple of hours of straight dancing on Sunday night, non stop. But I had a bucket full of motivation all over the place, and I am not talking the drinks either.... well not the liquid type. wink

For an all girl weekend there was only two guys there. hahahahahahaha. Both wonderful men, yes. But I was hoping we would have a chance to tie them up and beat them for their appearence at this event (of course at the end of it when it was all over pretty much), don't ya think? hmmmmm. Ok, maybe not.... too cute to beat. Donators as well, can't hurt them.

I am full of energy. I am so tired I will never catch up on my sleep. I am so sore I can't move. I am still on a buzz from whipping someone's ass all weekend. I am high from the energy I absorbed from all over. I have a sore face from the smile that I couldn't wipe off. And I am so fucking happy and filled with warmth from all the great people I met and met-up from days before. I couldn't ask for more..... cept another great weekend like that again.

I missed a few great women that were to be there.... you were greatly missed, and thought of by many. Huggers, we understand why you couldn't make it. Muah!

My pillow calls to me again. I think I will go to it, and rest some more...... Wooo hooooooo! Thank you Mayhem for the most wonderful time I have had in a year. Perfectly Pervy! Now to plan for the next pervy weekend event............................... hmmmmm and how to get there.

Sex Worker Outed, Why Even Sex Workers Don't Report Assaults to the Police....

There is so much chat around many boards about. I am going to say a few things, then post something that is quite disturbing to viewers. ....

No one has the right to out anyone for any reason of any kind. I don't care who the heck you think you are, or what purpose you think this is for.... you have no right to out anyone. There have been many friends of mine that have been outed over the years, and this has done them great harm. They have lost their job due to a particular person going to their employer, or they have family now cutting them off. There are so many ramifications to what a few words can do, even saying what a real name is on a board that you think is only being read by "lifestyler's", can out someone. I certainly would not do this to anyone, as I wouldn't want it done to myself. The old saying..... "do unto others as you want them to do unto you". Now you yourself may be out, but that doesn't account for all of the pervy public out there. So it certainly does not give you the right, even if you are out there, to out any one else.

Karma people!!!!!! It does come back around to you, even if you don't believe in it.

Now, to what I read today......

This is in a newspaper down in the south east. All about someone being outed, but also why sex workers don't report assaults to the police. Even the police don't care, or are part of it. Sad, but true. And again, another bad case of a reporter writing something in a wrong statement of cases. Putting something out there they shouldn't have, outed someone they shouldn't have, and put a story quite literally out of context. Ouch! Not kewl, not right, and that reporter should be out of a job.... including many others. But sadly, this will never happen.

Here is the link. Make up your own minds.

http://www.projo.com/ri/northprovidence/content/providence_robbery_5_05-05-09_V1E8TES_v74.393f668.html

Hopefully you all can go about to happy perving privately. In your lives we all live in our own lil bubbles, but it only takes one person with a pin to pop it. Who that person is, who knows, but how we protect ourselves is another. It is about time we do something about these people that "out" us, don't ya think?

Who the frig does the "B" think she is.......

I find it rather disturbing that a cerrtain someone in this so called vancouver "community" thinks that she has the right to decide what people can post and say in any group. Especially when she herself is a bully to so many others, and goes around hurting people in as many ways as she can. she states about how a good person goes into a group to post negative posts, and is mad about it and wants Him removed from fetlife..... I think this BITCH should go and read some of the posts that she has posted in the past, particularily in the recent. Actually going out of her way to hijack posts to her amusement with another lil "cunt", making so no one looks good no matter what is said there. Harrassing everyone they can that might have even one word against what they say, but even going out of their way just to start a fight.
But even more obserd....... these two lil childish things.... start their own lil thread talking about what they are doing. Does this negate good behavour? Does this not look like they should be booted from fetlife? I would think so. Their own behavour shows who they are and what they are up to.... and that they have no grounds for what they are thinking they can do with the moderators. If the moderators have any brains, they would ignore this Bitch, and boot her out for her activities.... she has been booted before - and she should not have been let back in. she has dragged her same shit from another online place to this one, which was to be a most wonderful place... and turned it into a mudpuddle that no one wants to be a part of any more. sad... And no one wants to be a part of Vancouver either, that should say something right there. Kick that "thing" out of dodge.

Can we devide this community any more than some people already have? It looks like there are ways, by the way i am looking at it. Sadly.

One doesn't have to go out to China Town and buy one of those absolutely gorgeous dividers in that perfect lil shop that i love to go to... you know, the ones with the beautiful paintings on them. They fold up into one piece, but are three wall pieces when pulled out to view and use for purpose.

Most use them to hide unsightly objects in their house. Or you can even use them to hide a bed in a bachelor appartment, to which is a great way to make a whole other room in those situations.... even if there is more than one room already..... *thinking kinky here*. And think of all those designs one can cum up with to actually paint on the canvas, if you get them blank. hmmmmmm. Yes there is a better way to do things, ways to put smiles on faces.

Or there is always the beaded curtain way. i am sure everyone remembers when they came out, ok at least anyone over the age of 35. Now with those there is a bit of an air of mystery still, as you can see some things on the other side... depending on the cutain and how think is it of course. And curtains today even have their own design on them, some that would put your favorite painting to shame. i have looked at a few of these, and even pondered how a couple would work in my own house. Yes, there is a way to devide in a sixties way. i am just a beatnik, i don't feel ashamed about it at all.

Though some people actually use furnature as a devider. Now this takes tact and art to pull this off, and of course the right pieces to do this with. You can't just take your regular old lazy-boy and expect this to make that oh so wonderful looking wall between the family room and dinning room, especially if there is over 12 feet of space between walls. Where are the subby stools, and where does one place there wine glass? Ok, the glass of a Dom. *pffft* 

Then i think of those stupid looking shrubbery thingys that people think look great between their fences and the road and their yard. Half the time they aren't kept up to par, and the rest they just don't fit in with the decore of the yard or house. And if you are really lucky, there is a wasps nest in one for every block. So if you run out of honey for your toast in the morney, just go to your neighbors... they have a fresh supply in their hedge. Just bee careful not to scare the local residence, you might get stung. And any kind of reaction can cum out of that, and that is not pretty at all. Wasts swarm, and get you in numbers. lil bugers, and if you destroy one nest... they are making a new one 15 feet away from the old one. Smart too. Just in the sence of survival.

Me, i would like to have flowers and and ocean. i know the only thing possible is the flowers all around, with a few cute lil trees. i'll transplant some of those choke berries around my yard from all those shoots, and i have a few extra salmon berry trees growing all over here as well...... nummmy jam. woo hoo. Sunflowers everywhere, and corn. Yuppers, they make great dividers. And if i get enough bird feeders out there, i can even help out the lil guys that keep knocking at my door. i am sure they are starving, as they eat that food like it is going out of style... then they each bring 10 of their friends within a week of that. wow. Love the birdies, hate that fucking squirl that ate up one of my birdie feeders though. He is going to get it, throw berries at him. 

So why can't everyone and everything just get along? Why does everyone have to take over everything, and make sure that even the lonely lil flower at the back of a yard is starved for light.... just so they can get ahead in life and make themselves look and feel better..... i used to think i knew why. i don't any more. i have given up on trying to figure that out, and on trying think that anyone around will care. Because what would seem a person that has your interest in heart, or at least they keep telling you they do (that should be a sign, they keep saying it)... well, there is always another story behind the glued together penthouse pages. Yes is did say that. Why fight, when we really don't have to. Why compete when we truly don't have to. We can all get along, do our things and still get it all in, and guess what.... be friends. omg. what a concept. But i guess this is all what is called human nature, which i still (after 5 years of university) don't understand. i should have gone to college, stayed and did a 3rd year of shop... made my own divider...........

Marylin Monroe - "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control at times and hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best". 

This quote was in a lovely bottom's profile somewhere..... and well, it is so true. It took me back a few, and made me remember who i was and why i am who i am. Thank you to that bottom for having this around.... and thank you Marylin, you are sadly missed.

Where is the sanity, where is the pain releaf?

There are a ton of posts that i have done in Fetlife and haven't moved over to here, and probably will in the next couple of days...... just to make sure that they are here. i think it is a good idea, as it goes to the long story to what is going on now. Silly as they may sound, but tis true.

It is funny how life can deal us with our hurdles that we all have to leap over in order to get to that finish line in each race we have to enter. i certainly have had my fare share of them, and so far have made it over each of those hurdles. It is not like i haven't stumbled over a few of them, even on my face at least once, but i went for each one. But i have been dealt some pretty high ones in the last 8 years, and i think it's about time someone put a spring board in front of them to give me a helping hand..... especially after the news that was given to me a few weeks ago. i have put a smile on my face for the most part through all of this, but my face is to friggen sore and swollen today to even think of a full smile at this point.

The news was that my DDD has spread throughout my jaw and lower face from my left socket... and yes it is in my right socket as i had thought. This explains everything, including why my face hurts all the time and can't get my jaw open as much as i was even a year ago. Sorry guys, no 'Bluemoon Specials' for a while. i have found a brilliant dentist, who has been bending over backwards to help me out... and even in his spare time find a surgeon for me. For once in this whole time, someone actually agrees with me on getting this surgery. WOW. But of course now we know how bad things are, and it just isn't a socket and joint we are looking at. Not sure how i feel about complete lower facial reconstruction at this point, but i know it has to be done to some point. But what i have been going through lately just to sustain me until this all can get dealt with is almost killing me, and i am glad that it seems i am done for now. Having a hole drilled through teeth on both the top and bottom on the right side, then some kind of liquid injected into my jaw to help slow the process of the degeneration, and porcelain to fill it. Kind of like having posts or re bar placed through the teeth through to the jaw bone with an anchor, in the hopes to hopefully keep things in place. Not sure if this is all worth it though, as the pain and swelling is down right terrible. Nothing can describe this, and there is nothing to come close. And of course i am back to square one of not being able to open my jaw enough to get utensils in my mouth, or eat even semi hard foods.

Now i may be a massochist....... but this certainly is not the kind of pain i am wanting or needing. And to top it all off, i am getting anything to help balance this all out...... as a release per say (pain control). i am also thinking i might want to get some photos done, especially with my face in them, prior to any more work being done. Though i do think the next step(s) is the main surgery, and i am not sure what i am going to look like afterwards. i want to remember what i looked like before all this, or rather pre-surgery.... as my lower face and jaw line has changed already.

*one week later*

i think of all the places that i have gone to search for meaning and solice to calm my mind just hasn't worked. All i had to do is see all the discomfort and negativity in people's writing within our community, and it made me more sad than i was. It is almost that there is this whole needing of having to stick someone up on the firepole with the linch mob, just like in the witch trial days.... then if they can drag at least one person down and make them look truly bad, it makes those people look and feel better about themselves. But what i have read in the last couple of days is something that shouldn't even be up there, as these people are not getting the whole facts from the first posting (the original source). And when this happens, you can't even give them the rest of the facts, as they don't care any more. They have what they want to know by then, and that is that. i know all the info they need to know, i was there, they don't have all the truth of what that original post stated. If they knew all the facts of what was going on, then some of them would not post as they were. It may not mean that they would change their oppinion of a person, but maybe of this particular situation. What truly ticks me off about it all, a so-called reporter wrote this original post for the world to read. People get their thoughts from this, and there was only a focuss on one thing.... not about the whole picture of what is going on right now. Focuss on the negativity. Yet again. i was in those hearings, i know what was stated by all parties. This reporter did not go into any of it, and that i do not call reporting. So the person who posts this up in one of our lifestyle groups should have thought about what they were doing as well, if they had that so called intelligence they claim to have. Search out what you are posting to have truth about, not just something you suspect. It creates mobs, sides, and fears in people that not only shouldn't be there, but growth.

Now being a BDSm'r this disappoints me more than most of anything in my life. As most people are thinking that this one person that is fighting for his rights is setting presidence for everyone else, but he isn't. It is everyone that testified, everyone that has words to say there. And then anything that happens afterwards, including cases that are going to follow (as there is another human rights case soon to follow). i enjoy my life as a perv, and hope that eventually i will be back in full swing of things. Not sure when all that will happen, but i know i will. And when that happens, i certainly hope i am not placed at a stake and burned for words i may have said somewhere. i look forward to practicing my life as i have done so far, but in the hopes to do so more freely after all this. Not to have to worry about my job just because i like to be tied up and poked with needles for a rush, as if i was still running 5 miles a day or more. But then i icould be jumping out of a perfectly good airplane, and that is not considered insane nor a cult. i am a Pagan, not a cult. Cults are people who practice a religion or belief to a diety under one roof, which would put even christianity in that catagory. Gathering in a group to do so, and chanting or singing out to this diety. Hmmmmm. Since i am solitary, that would make me a non-cult.

i am a Pagan, and a kinkster. Many pagans are kinky, and vice versa. Would that make us all cult memebers? There is food for thought.

As i sit here thinking about whether or not i am going to go and pick up more icecream to sooth my mouth. i wonder what is next for me, and around that corner of life. i hope i can soon get that couple hundred needles in me soon, as long as my body will let me. That would be the purfect release if anyone asked me, and something worth striving for after these lil surgeries. Would do a body good!!!! Start getting back to my crafties, and sorting the rest of this house out. woohoo. Need to get the rest of furnature here, and in the very near future.... stuff from home town. OMG i need my stuff from home. *sigh* And garden, need to get to that yard out here and plot out the garden. This is going to take me forever at this rate. lmao.

BB

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